Wandering

[ClaireT]

I live with my mother and 4 days a week I work. On these days a carer comes in to make my mother lunch. This Monday the carer came round to find my mother absent from the house and the front door wide open. My mother came back about 30 mins later and my neighbours let her in. The carer then came back about an hour later to find yet again that my mother had gone out and left the door open, only this time it was ajar and not wide open.

Concerned about the whereabouts of my mother I left work and went home. (My journey takes over an hour). When I came home it was pouring with rain and it took me an hour to find her. I found her walking only 3 streets away from home. She had her jacket on but only a summer straw hat and no umbrella. I got her home and made her lunch.

My concerns are this: I have issued her with a GPS tracker on a set of keys, which she subsequently lost. I have located them but they are in a really dodgy part of town that I do not want to visit. She is convinced she shut the front door on both occasions and I do not want her to stop going out. If the carer can not make her lunch (because my mother is out wandering) this means she will not have anything to eat from 7:30am (when I make her breakfast) until 7pm when I come home from work. I have had to take time off work to find her and to try and come up with a solution. Talking to her about shutting the door or at least waiting for the carer to come round appears to go in one ear and out the other.

Any advice is greatfully received.

 

[Beate]

You need to urgently ring adult social services and tell them she is a vulnerable adult at risk for whom they have duty of care. Wandering is dangerous and not even a tracker is going to prevent harm. They need to understand that you work and can't be with her all the time but likewise can't lock her in the house. The best idea would be a day care centre on the days you work and sitters in the hours the day centre does not cover. I got this when I was still working full-time and realised I cannot leave OH unsupervised anymore. You cannot reason with people with dementia, but you have to prevent them from harm. A day centre would also solve the food problem as they provide hot lunches.

 

[Chemmy]

Hello Claire

My feelings are that as each person with dementia is an individual, you have to do your own risk assessment when it comes to dealing with those who want to wander, and decide what is an acceptable risk. Just because they are out and about on their own does not necessarily mean they will come to any harm. My uncle could often be seen out for a 'walk', spongebag firmly tucked under his arm

My mum wouldn't stay in the house either, whether I was there or not, and I couldn't arrange for meals to be delivered because I couldn't guarantee if she would be in. She had a couple of falls and was helped by some good Samaritans, but I doubt if I knew about all her little adventures. I had to assume that if she was hungry, she would eat, albeit scones and jam, her staple diet by the end of her living alone spell.

I knew the next step was a care home with 24/7 supervision and full security, so I put off that decision for as long as I could to allow her a last taste of freedom/independence.

its a tough call, but I decided life isn't without risk and there's no way she would have meekly stayed at home inside with a sitter. Your mum might be different.

A day centre is a good idea if transport can be arranged and there are fire-safety options for self-closing door hinges which might be something to consider.

 

[cragmaid]

My late Mum was a wanderer. She would go out late afternoon, especially when it was dark, wearing dark clothing and carrying her entire handbag. She was " going to the church social". Luckily she was not mugged but I used to get phone calls from a network of friends who would watch for her passing their doors and try to head her off. I also got a call from a complete stranger about a mile or more away, when Mum had gone to catch a non existant bus and was totally lost. We had a sensor on her front door, linked to her Care Call system and if it was triggered, they would attampt to contact her, and then ring me. It didn't stop her going out, but I knew earlier. Apart from her Dementia, Mum was nearly completely blind, so visual reminders didn't work very well, but I did put fluorescent notes on her doors saying " Don't go out tonight".
With Mum, it was the time of day that triggered these wanders.....day centre or lunch club made no difference, because they were during daytime hours and her sundowning started about 4 pm.
When we had to start factoring in the damage done by falls, sadly it was time for a CH.

 

[Beate]

But the OP lives with her Mum so only the time she is at work needs covering, which could be done via a day care centre and sitting hours.

 

[marionq]

I would definitely start by alerting social services and the local police giving them an up to date photo and description. SS can make a referral for daycare for her initially which should tire her out a bit and make wandering a little less likely. Prepare yourself though for eventual care home on the grounds of safety. I won't begin to tell you of my husband's wanderings as it would scare the pants off you. Once started it just goes on getting worse, adventurous, foolhardy etc whatever you want to call it. It won't stop.

 

[Chemmy]

I would definitely start by alerting social services and the local police giving them an up to date photo and description. SS can make a referral for daycare for her initially which should tire her out a bit and make wandering a little less likely. Prepare yourself though for eventual care home on the grounds of safety. I won't begin to tell you of my husband's wanderings as it would scare the pants off you. Once started it just goes on getting worse, adventurous, foolhardy etc whatever you want to call it. It won't stop.

I never found a way to stop it. I spent one Christmas Day driving aimlessly around the countryside as Mum was insistent she was going out to 'catch a bus' despite me trying to keep her occupied at home.

Of course, nothing was open, there was nowhere to go, not even to friends or neighbours that day. Nightmare.

 

[Beate]

Why is a care home inevitable? I have nothing against them per se, but everyone is different. Once my OH was supervised by either day centre, sitters or me, he calmed down considerably and has not tried to leave the house on his own for ages now. What he needed was company and something to do - the wandering was done out of boredom. He's still happily living at home.

 

[marionq]

My husband is still living at home too Beate but if like Claire I was out working he wouldn't stay home. He literally cannot be left alone for ten minutes or he would be off out. Together we have a busy life but on his own he just couldnt continue.

 

[cragmaid]

What he needed was company and something to do - the wandering was done out of boredom

Beate, you are so lucky to have sitters and a day centre, one day a week lunch club was all that was available for Mum. She didn't wander becasue she was bored....she wandered because she had Dementia and could not stop herself.

 

[Chemmy]

Beate, you are so lucky to have sitters and a day centre, one day a week lunch club was all that was available for Mum. She didn't wander becasue she was bored....she wandered because she had Dementia and could not stop herself.

My mum had a place at a day centre twice a week. One of her wandering issues was that she would find her own way there on the other days, much to their annoyance. I'm afraid I shrugged my shoulders at that one.

 

[Tin]

Beate, you are so lucky to have sitters and a day centre, one day a week lunch club was all that was available for Mum. She didn't wander becasue she was bored....she wandered because she had Dementia and could not stop herself.

Same here, my mum does not wander because she is bored. We are out and about most mornings, but the second we are home the wandering starts. I suppose I am lucky because mum now only wanders to and from the garden gate which is about 200 yards from the front door, think that's it, I've never measured. The days when mum wandered out of the gate, our sitter would just go with her.

With day care and a sitter to accompany your mum on her 'walks' would probably ease your worries.

 

[Amy in the US]

Lots of good advice and experiences here. My thoughts are along the lines of perhaps it's time for your mum to have more company and more supervision. I think while it might or might not prevent your mother's desire to wander/walk, it would provide peace of mind. If your mother is wandering she may also be opening the door to strangers, which could place her at risk, of personal harm and/or financial loss. There is also the issue of her leaving the house unsecured, which I'm sure is worrying as well.

Day care and/or carers and/or some other kind of supervision would definitely provide peace of mind and the socialization might be good for your mother. It's a thought.

 

[looviloo]

I wouldn't class my dad as a 'wanderer', but I'm sure that if he could initiate things better, and had more strength in his legs then he'd be off like a whippet from a trap!

He's in a care home now and goes for a supervised walk most mornings, and this seems to be enough at the moment.

When he was living at home (independently) he would walk out each day to go into town, do a little shopping etc. It became a very deeply engrained habit. Sadly he started to leave the front door unlocked, which a neighbour reported to me. And then he had a serious fall in town and that was the end of his independence...

I can understand the desire to wander (freedom, escape, searching, restlessness and so on), it just needs to be balanced with safety in mind. Supervision is good, it's put my mind at rest in dad's case. Or the house alarms that are triggered by movement might be an idea? I don't know anything about GPS trackers, but are they small enough to be sewn into a favourite coat? Lots of mobile phones these days can track a person's whereabouts, so if your mum's more amenable to that, then the tracking could be done covertly?

Good Luck x

 

[Tin]

Out of everything Dementia, wandering is the one area that has given me the most worry and anxiety. Even though my mum lives with me and I know she only goes to garden gate and back, its the only time she has fallen or created some incident at the gate with neighbours worrying about her. I am never totally relaxed when she is caught in this loop and it takes all my will power to let it happen because I cannot stop her. After a few hours of this only when I get mum inside and lock the front door can I relax, but I know it won't be long before I have to unlock and 'let her go' again. All of the repetitive behaviour in the house is nothing compared to this.

 

[MollyD]

It must create hair raising levels of stress to have to contend with this.

Mum isn't mobile enough and is too frail, energy wise, to go wandering. She does get restless, though, and wants to move (sometimes supervised walking with her frame eases it, usually it's down to some unidentified antsy anxiety though and she isn't really interested in stretching her legs), she has surprising strength at those times.

She has started to become paranoid again at night time, refuses meds and wants to get out of bed to "get back to her own house" (she is in her own home). If it continues, I'm worried she'll get the strength to clamber out of bed and fall. She did this in hospital while recovering from hip surgery. While she hurt her back, fortunately, nothing was broken.

I wouldn't sleep a wink without night time help. We have that now, self-funded and from midnight till 8 it has become more heavy going.