Waiting for Mum to Die......

[JeanetteP]

Hi Serge,

God its nice to hear someone else express how I feel

I canjust about cope with Mum on a good day despite everything, however on a bad day I really hate her and wish her dead - and me as well

We were lucky with Dad. He was happy in his alzheimer's. Just kept telling me he loved me even though he didn't know who I was

Dad also had Myleod displastic Syndrome which I am totally convinced caused his DA and it was this that killed him.

My Sister feels people should have an on/off button we can use in situations like this.

I only joined this forum recently but it is already making me feel so much better to know that so many people unfortunately share the same feeings I do

 

[Takemewithyou]

Personally I feel very strongly that it would be positively cruel to try to interfere with Nature finally trying to take its course.
Of course part of me will be sad when she finally goes, but a greater part will be glad that she's finally released from the pitiful and utterly undignified state this horrible disease has reduced her to.

Perfectly put.

 

[JanieD]

So much sadness and torment expressed by so many here. Having been there and reached the inevitable conclusion, losing Dad 3 weeks ago, I understand the emotion. I lived it daily, especially in the last 7 weeks of Dad's life. For so long my heartfelt desire was that Dad wouldn't linger in a state of limbo, a mere shell of his former self, but would go before that stage. During his last weeks I just wanted him to fight and stay with us, desperately, but on his last night I remembered what I had always hoped. I whispered to him that if he needed to go it was ok, and prayed that he would be released from the awful existence his life had become, and I just wanted him to be comfortable and free.
I'm sorry, this may be too much for many to read and contemplate but the fact is, I miss him every minute and ache to see him again, but I don't miss the awful disease that robbed him of his last few years. I don't miss the all day sleeping and constant night waking, not knowing what a toilet was any more, crying because he didn't understand what was happening to him. I don't miss the times he would wake with a start and call Mama over and over because he was so scared. Please don't ever beat yourself up for wanting the person you love to be free. I have to stop myself from feeling like a traitor for being grateful that I don't have to go every day to help Mum, and have time to spend with my family or even to contemplate a whole week to myself.
Let's rail against this horrid disease that robs us all, most of all the person who suffers, and not waste emotional energy feeling we are awful people, we just aren't. Be kind to yourselves and a huge hug to each and every one facing a day of exhaustion and self-recrimination, love yourselves.
Stephanie, xxx

I found your posting so very helpful. I feel so sad about what is happening to my Mum, and frankly I just want my old Mum back - the person I could talk things over with, have a hug and feel a bit better - but I can't talk this one through with her because the old Mum isn't there any more - or only in fragments, occasionally. And now I have to gather up strength and go help her eat some lunch and struggle with the feelings of loss/anger/frustration while she is still here. But I know I will feel just like you when she eventually does die. She always said she wanted to go "just like that", with a click of her fingers, and this slow decline is the antithesis of that. It's very painful.
I'm glad the awful struggle is over for your Dad, and hope you have many loving memories of who he really was before his illness.

 

[joscarj1]

Hi Sergie

I am afraid that I don't have any wise words for you (fortunately many others on here have!) but just wanted to say that I have felt exactly the same way. It was a huge relief to me when I came to this forum to find that many others feel the same. I had thought that I must be a terrible person for thinking this way but having read so many posts from others I can now see that you are bound to feel these emotions. The disease (and its ramifications) is/are so awful that you just want it to stop. Who wouldn't want that?

I hope things improve for you - and in the mean time (for what its worth) I send you a huge virtual hug. X

Thanks for your kind words Sergie.I know that I can't change reality. I take a day at a time. I have a driving assessment today.The disease has not ,as yet , affected my cognitive abilities.We all feel the same things Sergie it's only human.

 

[lilysmybabypup]

I found your posting so very helpful. I feel so sad about what is happening to my Mum, and frankly I just want my old Mum back - the person I could talk things over with, have a hug and feel a bit better - but I can't talk this one through with her because the old Mum isn't there any more - or only in fragments, occasionally. And now I have to gather up strength and go help her eat some lunch and struggle with the feelings of loss/anger/frustration while she is still here. But I know I will feel just like you when she eventually does die. She always said she wanted to go "just like that", with a click of her fingers, and this slow decline is the antithesis of that. It's very painful.
I'm glad the awful struggle is over for your Dad, and hope you have many loving memories of who he really was before his illness.

Hi Janie, thank you for the kind words. How sad it is, I know that we miss our loved ones long before they leave us. In a way, Dad's true character never left him, he never lost his care, love and compassion, or his deep love for his family. He did have times when he became frustrated and couldn't control his anger, but it was usually with other people, not us.
Our time together did give me so many memories to cherish, a little bittersweet to recall now he's gone.
I'm so sorry for those things you miss about your mum, I was grateful for the chance to give back to Dad a small measure of the love he lavished on us. I hope the struggles you face now may one day be the stuff of your own cherished memories, times you loved and ministered to your dear mum.
Take heart and be kind to yourself.
Stephanie, xxx

 

[JanieD]

Hi Janie, thank you for the kind words. How sad it is, I know that we miss our loved ones long before they leave us. In a way, Dad's true character never left him, he never lost his care, love and compassion, or his deep love for his family. He did have times when he became frustrated and couldn't control his anger, but it was usually with other people, not us.
Our time together did give me so many memories to cherish, a little bittersweet to recall now he's gone.
I'm so sorry for those things you miss about your mum, I was grateful for the chance to give back to Dad a small measure of the love he lavished on us. I hope the struggles you face now may one day be the stuff of your own cherished memories, times you loved and ministered to your dear mum.
Take heart and be kind to yourself.
Stephanie, xxx

Thanks, Stephanie. I'm glad you have good memories and your Dad retained his love and compassion despite everything. I'm working hard on a positive memory bank to keep me going!
Janie