Very distressing Care Home Visit

[Rohe 19]

Hi everyone
Although having parents in the end stages now of dementia this is my first post and I’m asking for your thoughts please. I’m trying to keep it as brief as possible but sorry it’s a bit long!
My parents went into full time care just before lockdown after I had cared for them for many years. A few weeks ago one of my parents managed to get out of the care home and was found 800 yards away by a stranger face down on a busy road in the very early hours of the morning. They were admitted to hospital with facial fractures and a bleed on the brain. To try keep this brief it was thought they would not come out of hospital but they did and were returned to the care home with one to one care provided 4 hours a day which has taken some sorting because the agency was unreliable so I’m not sure if it’s sorted out properly or not yet.
We were allowed a garden visit Today and my dad was put in the direct sun he was becoming agitated and hot and started trying to take his coat off he was crying getting more and more upset . I knocked on the door and a carer came out and put a blanket over his head. He still didn’t settle Trying to stand up out of his wheel chair due to the 2 m guidance I wasn’t allowed to help so I went back to the door to get help again and no one came . I was worried my dad was going to fall or overheat he had his head in his hands but was also trying to stand up which he can’t in the end i helped him get his coat off at arms length and then sanitised everything with wipes.
Dad started crying and one of the carers came and took him away saying he was upsetting me he wasn’t I just was upset for him! distressed head in hands crying they took him away I was actually distraught and this evening couldn’t stop thinking about how my dad was. My husband rang to try get some reassurance for me and he was told that tomorrow I am getting a phone call and may not be allowed to visit due to Me removing my dads coat .
I would appreciate your thoughts on how to approach this bearing in mind I supported the home over their failures when dad got out when If he hadn’t got out of the home he wouldn’t Possibly be in the state he is in now.
I keep myself safe I work from home so I know I can visit mum and dad as safely as is possible. All I would love to do is hug them both And reassure them and I pray for that day.
Thank you for taking the time to read this and any guidance.

 

[anxious annie]

Hi @Rohe 19
I'm so sorry to hear about your poor dad.
If the home telephones and says they are restricting your visits, i would explain clearly, as you have done here, that your dad was in the sunlight, you went for help on 2 occasions , and the second time no one was there to help, and due to their neglect , you had to step in to help your dad. You couldn't leave him to potentially have another fall, as he did the last time they neglected him. You also sanitised.
I think what a cheek of the home to even suggest they may deny you a visit, especially after their neglect resulted in the home allowing your dad to leave! I hope there was an investigation and someone had to answer for this.

 

[Shedrech]

oh my @Rohe 19 I really feel for you and your dad

I would have been beside myself in your situation

honestly, I doubt whether I would have done anything differently .... in fact I don't understand why your dad was left so exposed (no sunshade or awning?)

I hope you have the opportunity to discuss this with the manager, who needs to be as understanding of your experience as you have been of theirs

might you contact Admiral Nurses who may have some help for you, might be able to mediate

Admiral Nurse Dementia Helpline

Call or email our Dementia Helpline/Alzheimer's Helpline for reassuring and practical advice from our specialist team of Admiral Nurses.

www.dementiauk.org

 

[Lynmax]

I would suggest to the care home that they have a duty of care for their residents and a carer ought to be close by should an intervention be needed. Before the local lockdown in Greater Manchester which has stopped care home visits, I went to see my mum three times in the garden. Each time she was brought out by a carer who left her with me in the gazebo and then went to sit on a bench near by - not close enough to hear our conversation but within view should mum get upset and the visit needs to be curtailed.

Unfortunately the care home had an outbreak of Covid 19 with ten residents, including my mum, testing positive so I have no idea if they will restart visits.

 

[Duggies-girl]

@Rohe 19 I would have been livid if someone had left my dad sitting in the sun like that and to stick a blanket over his head like that is disrespectful, they should have moved him into the shade if he was uncomfortable. I have no advice because I have never been in a similar situation but I would have done exactly the same as you did.

Make it clear to them that you will be visiting your dad in the future. I agree with @anxious annie the home have got a flipping cheek to even suggest that you shouldn't.

 

[MartinWL]

I definitely agree with the other posters here, the CH staff are to blame and if they do ask you not to come back then you might ask if they would like you to write to the care quality commission? That might give them second thoughts.