Hello, this is my first post and I wonder if anyone has any experience of an elderly parent with vascular dementia who is abusing alcohol?
My 84 yr old father lives alone - I am his closest relative and I live some distance away (with a chronically ill son which makes visiting difficult). His short term memory is poor and he now has carers going in twice a day to ensure he eats lunch and dinner and takes his meds. Other than that he is mobile and manages to look after himself ie - wash, dress, walk to the shop without any problems. I order his weekly shopping (including 2 bottles of wine) which is delivered on a Tuesday morning. He has lived in the same house for 60 years and when he was diagnosed he was adamant he wanted to stay at home with carers coming in. The problem is he is buying bottles of whisky and wine from the village shop frequently (although I don't know exactly what he buys, I can see on his bank statement how much he spends and how often) he spent £600 there last month! He had a friend in the village who used to pick him up and take him out for lunch but she has told me she can't continue as more often than not he was drunk by the time she arrived at midday and he had recently become verbally aggressive towards her. I've spoken to my dad about the situation and he has told me he will stop but, of course, he isn't stopping. I don't expect him to. The problem, other than his drinking, is he has to pay for his care and he is now spending more than his income. I have LPA for both health and finance so I rang his bank and asked if a daily limit could be put on his card but they said as it is a current account they can't and in fact there's nothing to stop him going overdrawn. He has a small amount of savings which is in the same account but I've calculated it will all be gone within a couple of years at his current rate of spending. He owns his home so when the money runs out will he be forced to go into care so his house can be sold to pay for it? I've tried talking to social services - their response, probably correctly, is that it "his choice to drink all we can do is ensure he eats to line his stomach" so carers are now going in at lunchtime as well as evening. I've informed his GP but they said there's nothing they can do either. Its so sad as my dad is a lovely man and I would be grateful for any advice. Apologies for the length of the post!
My 84 yr old father lives alone - I am his closest relative and I live some distance away (with a chronically ill son which makes visiting difficult). His short term memory is poor and he now has carers going in twice a day to ensure he eats lunch and dinner and takes his meds. Other than that he is mobile and manages to look after himself ie - wash, dress, walk to the shop without any problems. I order his weekly shopping (including 2 bottles of wine) which is delivered on a Tuesday morning. He has lived in the same house for 60 years and when he was diagnosed he was adamant he wanted to stay at home with carers coming in. The problem is he is buying bottles of whisky and wine from the village shop frequently (although I don't know exactly what he buys, I can see on his bank statement how much he spends and how often) he spent £600 there last month! He had a friend in the village who used to pick him up and take him out for lunch but she has told me she can't continue as more often than not he was drunk by the time she arrived at midday and he had recently become verbally aggressive towards her. I've spoken to my dad about the situation and he has told me he will stop but, of course, he isn't stopping. I don't expect him to. The problem, other than his drinking, is he has to pay for his care and he is now spending more than his income. I have LPA for both health and finance so I rang his bank and asked if a daily limit could be put on his card but they said as it is a current account they can't and in fact there's nothing to stop him going overdrawn. He has a small amount of savings which is in the same account but I've calculated it will all be gone within a couple of years at his current rate of spending. He owns his home so when the money runs out will he be forced to go into care so his house can be sold to pay for it? I've tried talking to social services - their response, probably correctly, is that it "his choice to drink all we can do is ensure he eats to line his stomach" so carers are now going in at lunchtime as well as evening. I've informed his GP but they said there's nothing they can do either. Its so sad as my dad is a lovely man and I would be grateful for any advice. Apologies for the length of the post!
