Upset after today

[CWR]

Today, while in town, I saw my cousin, whom I have not seen since over a year ago, who asked after my mother.I informed her that she had passed away at the end of November. She was annoyed that she had not been contacted. Well, since I did not have her number and cannot recollect the last time she did call, I had decided to post the notices in the paper rather than bother trying to track down relatives who had been absent when I needed them. " So you didnt think to contact me? " she said.I replied that it had been a lovely service, attended by mum's friends, ie those who had actually looked after her. I wasnt trying to be rude, but having looked after mum all on my own as an only child with NO offers let alone help from any of those connected to me by DNA, I wasnt inclined to bend over backwards to accomodate them so they could make a show of being caring , sharing relatives. This encounter got me really upset, even tho' I know that what I did is only what mum would have wanted.

 

[Grannie G]

Don`t let it upset you too much @CWR. Who do these people think they are?

If they had been in contact with you they would have known about your mother. When you are grieved and arranging a funeral it is not your role to invite people when you have no contact number for them.

 

[CWR]

To be honest, I could have tried to contact another cousin, but again I had heard that he had moved nearer me, but nary a sign of him we ever saw apart from the time I bumped into him in M and S and had to bite my tongue when he asked about mum.I suppose I do feel a bit guilty, but I dislike hypocrisy.

 

[Banjomansmate]

If they hadn’t bothered or cared enough kept in touch with you during your Mum’s decline then there is no reason for you to try to find out where they were. Full stop.

 

[Crawley123]

Hi Honest some people I know where you are coming from regarding relations . I have a 90 year old with alzeheimers my dad . his still living at home with my mum of 83 who herself is not that brill in health .i work part time and then go over there . i feel like a only child as i got a mentally handicapped brother who is in a home bless him . over the years since his had this awfull disease my dad no family apart from my son and husband sees him. but i have had close friends who ask how he is doing and even come over . i feel the same as you hold on in there. as your mum will know that your always had been there for her x

 

[Lawson58]

You did what was appropriate at the time so there's no need to be upset by this.

You are not the one with the problem, she is. There seems to be a lack of empathy and a certain arrogance and self importance on her behalf so she doesn't deserve a second thought.

 

[Dimpsy]

Your cousin should feel guilty because she didn't support you when you needed family. Don't worry and don't feel guilty, your cousin let you down.

 

[MaNaAk]

Today, while in town, I saw my cousin, whom I have not seen since over a year ago, who asked after my mother.I informed her that she had passed away at the end of November. She was annoyed that she had not been contacted. Well, since I did not have her number and cannot recollect the last time she did call, I had decided to post the notices in the paper rather than bother trying to track down relatives who had been absent when I needed them. " So you didnt think to contact me? " she said.I replied that it had been a lovely service, attended by mum's friends, ie those who had actually looked after her. I wasnt trying to be rude, but having looked after mum all on my own as an only child with NO offers let alone help from any of those connected to me by DNA, I wasnt inclined to bend over backwards to accomodate them so they could make a show of being caring , sharing relatives. This encounter got me really upset, even tho' I know that what I did is only what mum would have wanted.

Dear @CWR,

Please don't worry about people like this. You looked after your mother and did her proud and you must remember this. Your cousin should be the one feeling guilty.

Love

MaNaAk

 

[Pete1]

Hi @CWR I always say it's about what you do for someone when they are alive, and you were there for Mum, what happens after life is irrelevant really. If someone hasnt bothered to contact you or your Mum when she was still alive then what business do they have attending a funeral. Stay strong.