Unvaccinated family

[MikeFB]

I recently contributed to the thread covering ' low feelings leading up to Christmas ' to explain our arrangements over the festive period - and at the same time touched upon the fact that both my wife and I will be 90 very shortly afterwards. It therefore follows that we are both considered vulnerable when it comes to Covid - and are fully vaccinated. To mark the
90th birthdays family have in mind a 'quiet ' get together on two separate occasions having regard to my wife's AZ condition. My concern. quite apart from any possible upset caused to my wife, is that my son's family who live in Spain , comprising five adults, NOT one of them has had a single vac. Am I right to be concerned and what precautions, if any, should I consider ? Need I say this could be a touchy subject with family, Any thoughts ?

 

[Violet Jane]

I am fully vaccinated and support the vaccination programme wholeheartedly but it appears that the vaccines don’t prevent transmission and so I’m not sure that declining to see your son and his family (I think that this is what you’re asking) has any purpose. I suppose that the question to weigh up is how you balance the risk of infection and illness against the pleasure (and importance) of celebrating a significant milestone birthday with close family. As Covid is not going to go away any time soon this will be something that you have to consider for the foreseeable future. The options appear to be:
• see your son and family and accept the risk that one or both of you might become seriously ill (a couple of Covid tests beforehand might give you some reassurance)
• make an excuse not to see your son and his family at the time of your actual birthdays
• tell him that you won’t be seeing them at the time of your actual birthdays as they pose an unacceptable risk to you and your wife
• postpone the celebrations until the summer when an outdoor event is possible

I’m afraid that the evidence shows that these indoor family events are a prime venue for infection.

 

[MaNaAk]

I am fully vaccinated and support the vaccination programme wholeheartedly but it appears that the vaccines don’t prevent transmission and so I’m not sure that declining to see your son and his family (I think that this is what you’re asking) has any purpose. I suppose that the question to weigh up is how you balance the risk of infection and illness against the pleasure (and importance) of celebrating a significant milestone birthday with close family. As Covid is not going to go away any time soon this will be something that you have to consider for the foreseeable future. The options appear to be:
• see your son and family and accept the risk that one or both of you might become seriously ill (a couple of Covid tests beforehand might give you some reassurance)
• make an excuse not to see your son and his family at the time of your actual birthdays
• tell him that you won’t be seeing them at the time of your actual birthdays as they pose an unacceptable risk to you and your wife
• postpone the celebrations until the summer when an outdoor event is possible

I’m afraid that the evidence shows that these indoor family events are a prime venue for infection.

My poor friend is recovering from her second bout of Covid. Hopefully if you follow the advice above your son will think again.

MaNaAk

 

[northumbrian_k]

Vaccination is of course a matter of personal choice, but those who are not vaccinated might need to understand that this places limitations upon what they might expect to do, in particular in mingling with others. This would be the case especially where - like yourselves - people are considered vulnerable. It would not eliminate the risk, but expecting any family (vaccinated or unvaccinated) to take appropriate precautions - including lateral flow tests if appropriate - might help to give peace of mind. Suggesting this as a requirement may not go down well with family members, but by not differentiating by vaccine status would counter any charge of discrimination by the family who live in Spain.

A broader question is whether the 90th birthday will register with or be of any importance to your wife. Has her disease progressed beyond the point of understanding time, place and person? If so, will she benefit at all from celebrations, no matter how 'quiet'?

You are in a position to understand and take a rational decision about your own exposure to risk but it sounds as though your wife might not be. In that case it comes down to you deciding what is right for yourself and for her. These don't necessarily need to be the same. If you feel the risk is unacceptable - or simply not worth it - this could be couched in terms of what is best for her at the current stage of her Alzheimer's Disease. Covid, flu or any other risk factors may be less important than the potential for added and lasting confusion that dealing with celebrations may bring.

I hope that this makes sense and is in some way helpful. With my congratulations and best wishes to you and your wife for your birthdays, however you celebrate them.

 

[Grannie G]

I had covid even after 4 doses of the vaccine. I wasn`t dreadfully ill but had a very weakening harsh cough and very sore throat. The after effects left me with fatigue for a good few weeks.

I wouldn`t take a chance at the age of 90 of even what is considered a relatively mild attack of covid.

 

[canary]

My OH is considered very vulnerable and family always take LFTs before coming to visit now. They understand our circumstances and are happy to do so, but I dont know what would happen if there was friction over it.

 

[MikeFB]

Thank you all for your kind thoughts and advice. You are right to question whether my wife can relate to the occasion let alone the members of the family or the fact that they live in Spain. The simple answer is NO. She simply wants to be quiet, to dose a great deal and doesn't even register that she will be 90 in a few days time.
It then becomes a matter for me to decide what to do in the interests of us both - and I am erring towards forgoing our meeting altogether. How this will be received remains to be seen. !!!

 

[Weasell]

Have you heard of an Alexa Echo show?
I am sure you tube will have some videos.

I would be saying I was too nervous to see them, but I would love an Echo show so they could drop in on their mobile phones and you could see them by video link.
I would even be suggesting they may wish to contribute to the purchase Cost.
This would focus their attention on what they can do for you, instead of leaving them concerned about what they can’t do for you.
I would also request they sing happy birthday ( it’s another request for them to focus on )

Its probably a rubbish idea anyway, but if it did appeal then purchase the biggest screen you can afford.

 

[fadtp]

My mother is 96 and takes medication that weakens her immune system.

We have been in a bubble since the start of Covid. No relatives around, and they are all vaccinated. But none of them take as many precautions as we do.

We keep in touch with phone calls and video chats.

I would not dream of having my mother take unnecessary risks with vaccinated relatives, let alone unvaccinated ones.

 

[Palerider]

I recently contributed to the thread covering ' low feelings leading up to Christmas ' to explain our arrangements over the festive period - and at the same time touched upon the fact that both my wife and I will be 90 very shortly afterwards. It therefore follows that we are both considered vulnerable when it comes to Covid - and are fully vaccinated. To mark the
90th birthdays family have in mind a 'quiet ' get together on two separate occasions having regard to my wife's AZ condition. My concern. quite apart from any possible upset caused to my wife, is that my son's family who live in Spain , comprising five adults, NOT one of them has had a single vac. Am I right to be concerned and what precautions, if any, should I consider ? Need I say this could be a touchy subject with family, Any thoughts ?

I think as always some objective judgement is useful and to consider what the risks are to you and yours rather than being concerned over upsetting family who don't appreciate how unwell these viruses can make people with the potential to result in death.

Just to say this week at work SARS-CoV-2 (Covid) is still presenting along with an awful lot of flu this year, this last week has been mostly serious cases of both flu and covid which has also been knocking out healthcare staff as well

 

[Wildflowerlady]

My beloved partner was admitted to hospital on the 27th November this year with a chest infection treatment was started for pneumonia. Tom didn't have covid on admission but he contracted it whilst there the doctors admitted he did. My partner died on the 13th December he was fully vaccinated as was I including the Autumn booster which we both had in October. I personally wouldn't risk it not even with lateral flow tests being done. I contracted covid last year after visiting my dear dad in his care home and was so unwell I had to be admitted to hospital 12 days later and missed my dads funeral. I had taken lateral flow tests on every visit to my dad all being negative. I was 62 years old and was in pretty good health but had covid pneumonitis on admission to hospital including a blood clot in my lung. My partner had never had covid until he contracted it at the hospital we had been very careful and I had protected him as much as I possibly could. Tom barely went out and although we did see family we were mindful that they were testing and well. Tom was 79 years on top of the pneumonia covid it was just too much and I have now lost him I am devastated. Covid pneumonits was listed as the main cause of death with pneumonia being secondary.

 

[MikeFB]

This time last year I posted a thread regarding an impending visit from my son and his family, who live in Spain and all of whom were unvaccinated against covid which still remains the case . I was naturally concerned regarding the risk posed to my wife( with AZ ) and I, both aged 90.
I have to say the replies I received were very helpful - and I recall one respondent saying this virus is here for the long term.
How true- and here we are again peppered with the precautionary autumn booster and the flu jab, another year older and facing the same dilemma. As Christmas approaches I therefore imagine the same questions arise but if anybody has anything to add I would welcome your thoughts.

 

[sdmhred]

I remember reading your post last year @MikeFB

How did you manage things last year?

 

[MikeFB]

I remember reading your post last year @MikeFB

How did you manage things last year?

I made a few suggestions to my son all to no avail, so, being a somewhat special 90th I finally decided to take the risk and welcomed their presence. - which I'm delighted to say passed without incident. However I can't say I'm any happier this year. Thanks for asking.

 

[sdmhred]

I’m sorry they didnt take up any of your suggestions- but I am glad you have had another year covid free - that’s an achievement in itself.

im assuming insisting on a LFT is out of the question for them…

 

[Scarlet Lady]

I understand your concerns, @MikeFB . But you survived unscathed last year so in my opinion, you should take a similar chance on this year, however you and your family choose to spend it. However, I don’t think it unreasonable to ask your relatives to take LFT tests if you’re all planning to be together.
I think we need to move on from the Vacc/unvaccinated argument. COVID in all its variations is something we’re all having to live with and quite frankly, I think this vile virus has disrupted our lives quite enough. I am vaccinated to the hilt, my son is not. In the last 18 months, that has been a source of anguish. In the meantime, we’ve both had COVID, twice. We’ve survived, with relatively mild symptoms. Our vaccination status seems to have played no part. In the meantime, the virus marches on in all its myriad variations, so what are we all to do.?
Personally , I am utterly fed up with jabs of any description. I don’t want yet another COVID booster and I’ve never had a flu jab (or the flu, for that matter) so am not about to start. I emphasise this is purely my personal opinion. However, the enquiry into the application of the AstraZenica vaccine (which was the one I first got, grateful that it was ’British’, because the Pfizer one was getting some bad press) has opened my eyes into what has gone on here. While I totally understand that the tragic outcomes for a minority of people is dreadful, the wider background of the rollout, both political and scientific, is appalling. We can have no further faith in our governments to tell us the truth, because they simply don’t know what that is. I’m sure that all the amazing people who developed vaccines in record time did wonderful work and I’m not seeking to undermine that. It was a bit rushed, I think.
But here we are, nearing the end of 2023, three years after lockdown and I feel like I’m ready to accept my risk of contracting COVID in the same way I would a cold, or any other yukky virus doing the rounds (of which there are many). I live my life in fear of many things, I’m not prepared to add Covid to the list.
Again, I emphasise that these are my views and I understand that many may not agree. But, however old we are, we surely can’t let ourselves become so risk averse that it destroys the pleasures we have left in life?

 

[Lawson58]

Personally, I trust the advice of our GP about vaccinations and don’t listen to all the political information, misinformation and disinformation that is being offered.

I know people who have been vaccinated and not. It seems that those who have been vaccinated tend to have milder doses and I continue to think that anyone in their nineties is more at risk.

The ante virals now available apparently are very effective provided they are taken earlier enough.

I do think that your son and his family are being selfish in their attitudes as there does seem to be a rise in COVID cases. Is this next visit about his mum or himself?

I know what I would be doing. It would be awful if their visit was responsible for their mum’s getting COVID.

 

[Yankeeabroad]

I think it’s reasonable to ask for people to take precautions before/when visiting — vaccinated or not — if you are vulnerable. There was a recent article in The Times about flying with Covid and the gist is now people don’t care — majority of the commenters said they’d fly sick and without a mask. It’s up to vulnerable people not to travel.

I always take precautions on my journeys to my dad (it’s about 24 hours and 3 flights) and mask up, use anti bac/ wash my hands and made sure I got my booster before I travelled recently in October. The airports worry me the most with the crowding of people. My sister also masks while travelling (2hour flight). I even used a mask at my parents house for some days before I was fully vaccinated as my mom could not remember to socially distance (and yeah, it’s much easier to socially distance in a house in the US!).

My parents friends get this and those unvaccinated typically mask up when visiting and avoid close physical contact and would never visit if they were sick with anything or knew they’d been exposed to Covid.
I was happy I was masked up on my recent flight over in October as there were 2 people right behind me coughing and wheezing the entire 9 hour flight. Who knows what they had (cold, covid, flu, or RSV) but I don’t really want to be sick with anything on my visits as it is a massive waste of time. I would also feel horrible if I gave my dad anything, particularly if it knocked him back as this could cause a step down in his dementia.