My husband woke me up at 7.30 am and told me they are here and whether I called them. I was shocked to find to female officers telling me he has been picked up on a busy road about 1 hr from where we live. A member of the public phoned. So shocked I am usually a light sleeper and did not hear him go out it must have been at 6 am. I usually sleep in the spare room as he gets very confused when he wakes up during the night. When social services phoned yesterday I told her I do not need any support now. Now this has happened again in less than three weeks I will need to sleep in the same room and hide the keys. He cannot remember the incidence and thanked the police for the lift. He is calmly making his own breakfast. Apart from hiding the keys and a mild sedation at night what else can I do as he has no insight. Pl share your experience of your lo wandering esp at night! Thanks
Unexpected visits by two police officers
- Thread starter Jan48
- Start date
I’m so sorry to hear about what has happened @Jan48.
It really brought back memories for me. My late husband once disappeared from the house in the early hours. I was away staying at a hotel for a conference and my brother was staying in our house looking after mum mum and Bill (both had dementia). He phoned me at about 5am to say Bill wasn’t in the house.
Long story short - police were contacted, sniffer dogs were brought in, they thermal imaged the beach close to us - all to no avail. I think @Grannie G will remember me posting about it on the forum. Around 10am I got a call to say he had been found almost 5 miles away in town. When the police officer asked him what happened he said he’d been out with his wife and her mother and they’d left him!
Following that I got an alarm mat for the mattress. If he got up through the night a loud alarm sounded. That worked well for me.
It might be worth filling in a Herbert Protocol for the police. If someone goes missing it will save time giving over information. I’ll put a link in the next post. After that incident the back door keys were never left in the lock! That was his escape route!
I know how frantic I was so I appreciate how worried you must be. Hopefully it won’t happen again.
It really brought back memories for me. My late husband once disappeared from the house in the early hours. I was away staying at a hotel for a conference and my brother was staying in our house looking after mum mum and Bill (both had dementia). He phoned me at about 5am to say Bill wasn’t in the house.
Long story short - police were contacted, sniffer dogs were brought in, they thermal imaged the beach close to us - all to no avail. I think @Grannie G will remember me posting about it on the forum. Around 10am I got a call to say he had been found almost 5 miles away in town. When the police officer asked him what happened he said he’d been out with his wife and her mother and they’d left him!
Following that I got an alarm mat for the mattress. If he got up through the night a loud alarm sounded. That worked well for me.
It might be worth filling in a Herbert Protocol for the police. If someone goes missing it will save time giving over information. I’ll put a link in the next post. After that incident the back door keys were never left in the lock! That was his escape route!
I know how frantic I was so I appreciate how worried you must be. Hopefully it won’t happen again.
This is the protocol from the Met but if you google it you should find one for your own police area.
Would second the idea if exploring any alerting devices that would sound an alarm if your husband gets up in the night or opens the door to go out. There's lots of tech out there designed for these purposes that you could get quite quickly e.g. Argos, Amazon, Alz Products etc. The local authority's social care team are likely to have their own care technology team who may be able to assess and provide or recommend.
This happened less than three weeks ago, I reported him missing but this time I did not even know he went out. I was sent the Herbert protocol forms by post and was going to ignore it but now that has happened so soon I will fill it in. She also took a photo of him and said he will be referred to various agencies. He does not understand what all this fuss is about, he could have easily been hit by a car. What do I do, shall I not mention the incidence as he cannot remember? This is proving too much for me as am 76 and have health issues, osteoarthritis in all my joints and chronic back pain 24/7. He does not need support during the day as he is highly functional but at night he gets so confused when he goes to the toilet. He also has an enlarged prostrate gland and many trips to toilet at night. What kind of support I can get for his confused behaviour at night? Pl share your experiences?
I do remember @Izzy
My husband also disappeared when we visited Manchester ,on a reminiscence visit and in a hotel. I went to the toilet and when I came out he had vanished
He could be seen on the hotel`s CCTV turning left as he left the front entrance but had moved so quickly there was no trace of him.
He was found by the police a couple of hours later. He immediately handed over his wallet which contained his details.
It can happen so easily and so quickly and is terrifying.
My husband also disappeared when we visited Manchester ,on a reminiscence visit and in a hotel. I went to the toilet and when I came out he had vanished
He could be seen on the hotel`s CCTV turning left as he left the front entrance but had moved so quickly there was no trace of him.
He was found by the police a couple of hours later. He immediately handed over his wallet which contained his details.
It can happen so easily and so quickly and is terrifying.
I would suggest a door alarm. Hiding the keys may cause other action such as climbing through a window to get out. I bought an external camera for my dad which notifies when anyone comes and goes from the house and takes a short video so I can get an idea of what his plans might be.... It's been a real help and was easy to set up. For example, I'm a remote carer and last night I could see he was agitated going in and out of the house every couple of minutes so I was able to phone him and calm him down.
I had a security alarm fitted to my mums door . Every time she made to go out, the alarm went off on a hand held device to alert who ever was with her that she was going out. I got it though the local council , their system was called care call others are known as tele care or tele call.
He can still remember his name, date of birth and address, do not know for how long? The trousers he wear always has a wallet with his details just in case he does not remember. This time it was dangerous as it was a busy main road. You can imagine how shock I was to find two policewomen in my sitting room. He has let them in. I will need to be more vigilant .Thank you for all your advice.
Please don't beat yourself up about it as you can't monitor someone all the time without damaging your own mental health. There are lots of options to try and just try some to see if they help at all.
Morning @Jan48
I hope you have a quiet day after your rude awakening.
lack of insight is normal for dementia…and to an extent you can’t help him. What you can do is to put measures in place to keep him safe in a way that you can manage.
From what you have said a door alert sounds a good place to start. That way you won’t be woken if he gets up for the loo, only if the door is opened and then you can go after him before he is down the garden path.
As well as the Herbert Protocol, there are numerous tracking devices you can use. If he always takes his wallet, or wears the same pair of shoes one can be inserted there so you can quickly see where he has gone to.
Rest up today as much as your caring allows you to.
Do you have family or close friends who can help you with all these? And share the worry a little?
I hope you have a quiet day after your rude awakening.
lack of insight is normal for dementia…and to an extent you can’t help him. What you can do is to put measures in place to keep him safe in a way that you can manage.
From what you have said a door alert sounds a good place to start. That way you won’t be woken if he gets up for the loo, only if the door is opened and then you can go after him before he is down the garden path.
As well as the Herbert Protocol, there are numerous tracking devices you can use. If he always takes his wallet, or wears the same pair of shoes one can be inserted there so you can quickly see where he has gone to.
Rest up today as much as your caring allows you to.
Do you have family or close friends who can help you with all these? And share the worry a little?
Hi @Jan48, I'm wondering if his going downstairs is accidental or deliberate. I would try night lights in the bathroom and on the landing outside his bedroom. This may help highlight his route back to bed and prompt him to turn the right way.
I'm afraid that reminding him of his problems will not help as he is unlikely to believe you.
My way of thinking is that if something has happened once it is likely to happen again if nothing changes. I then try and rearrange things to make the problem behaviour less likely as this tends to reduce stress all around.
The problem is people can be soo ingenious and their thinking is different so sometimes it takes more than one try to get the right thing for them and us. . MIL was leaving the gas fire on full day and night, sitting too close and damaging her legs and leaving clothes to dry on the fire. I disabled the fire but made sure her central heating was on full . Despite this she felt cold as she could not see the fire (think sweltering hot) so she put both inbuilt ovens on full constantly with the doors open and ruined all the seals. I then got a fire guard that she kept removing so eventually it had to be fixed to the wall. We had a few weeks of complaints that she couldn't get close enough to the fire but that settled and now there is no more scorched underwear and her legs no longer get sore.
I'm afraid that reminding him of his problems will not help as he is unlikely to believe you.
My way of thinking is that if something has happened once it is likely to happen again if nothing changes. I then try and rearrange things to make the problem behaviour less likely as this tends to reduce stress all around.
The problem is people can be soo ingenious and their thinking is different so sometimes it takes more than one try to get the right thing for them and us. . MIL was leaving the gas fire on full day and night, sitting too close and damaging her legs and leaving clothes to dry on the fire. I disabled the fire but made sure her central heating was on full . Despite this she felt cold as she could not see the fire (think sweltering hot) so she put both inbuilt ovens on full constantly with the doors open and ruined all the seals. I then got a fire guard that she kept removing so eventually it had to be fixed to the wall. We had a few weeks of complaints that she couldn't get close enough to the fire but that settled and now there is no more scorched underwear and her legs no longer get sore.
My mum did the same thing in a hotel last week but thankfully reception found my room and brought her back. I didn’t even know she had gone - so worrying. Social Services told me I can’t lock her in as it’s against her human rights but surely it’s the safest thing to do. I think we all have to come to the decision although hard and it’s not the way we want it, but it’s safer for them to go into a home where they have 24/7 care with qualified carers. My mum goes in tomorrow for 6 weeks respite and I can’t sleep worrying about it. Good luck x
We normally double locked the doors at night and he is not on his own. Is your mum living on her own? I hide the keys at night but the other night he asked for the keys and told him they have been put away and why and he asked he needs to know in case of fire.
No my mum has lived with me for 8 years. Sometimes she gets in a strop and walks out of the house and I go chasing after her. On this one occasion a few weeks ago, I locked the doors and took the keys out of the door. I told social services as I was worried about her leaving on her own and they said I can’t lock the doors. Instead they took a photo of her and filed it with the local police station. They’d rather her walk out than for me to lock the doors and keep her safe - rediculous!!
It would be interesting to know what sanctions Social Services might have, if you tell them that you will continue to lock the doors? Pretty much anything I can think of, would result in them having to take over caring responsibilities. And then placing your Mum in a home where the doors will inevitably be locked.
The mentality of these people really is inexplicable at times.
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