Understanding dad's mind??

[Gwendy1]

Recently dad has kept falling asleep when I visit. I've tried everything- jazz(traditional!) cd's, football DVDs ( which he loves- he has written books about his favourite team), me waffling on.. And on(!), Fawlty Towers, etc etc..Tonight, I hoped I had a wee moment of clarity- dad gave me a half-smile ( I was waffling) and dozed off- again. With a wee half smile on his face. I like to think, and I may be wrong, that he feels secure when I'm there. He's old, tired and maybe, just maybe.. I'm 'comfortable' to be around. The carers at the home said he was 'good' with them this morning- so he must talk more to them.... I'm at a loss.. What else can I do? I used to take him out, but he's too frail now, getting him in and out of the car could be a disaster- he forgets how to get out of his chair, and has long spells of just staring at me with glazed eyes. What else can I do? Any advice ..


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[CollegeGirl]

Hi, Gwendy - do you visit at the same time of day each time? If so, perhaps try varying it; perhaps your dad is just particularly tired at that time of day.

However, perhaps if you're right, and he feels comfortable enough around you to fall asleep, maybe you could just let him do that, while you potter around his room, read a book or do a crossword, or whatever. Maybe it's the only time he feels comfortable enough to have a nap - have you asked the staff about it? Maybe he actually enjoys falling asleep listening to the old jazz tunes!

Perhaps make your visits shorter but more often (if possible of course) so that you don't get too bored.

Do let us know how you get on.

 

[Gwendy1]

Thank u I have been visiting earlier in the day last week or so, because I'm off on annual leave- usually I go at dinner time, after work. Hadn't thought of that!! I guess dad has had a routine-napping(!)- and now I'm there yapping on.. Will see how we go nxt week- sincere thanks again, sometimes you can't see the wood for the trees with this illness! X


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[The Chewtor]

Hi Gwen, obviously i cannot say what is going on with dad and can only put my angle on it. your dad has a few years on me but if i have any kind of chats etc with new people any morning i want/need a nap in the early afternoon. my bloody mindedness stops me from doing so or i will not sleep properly that night, so i make sure that i am somewhere i cannot sleep or in company where i am not likely to. i thin kit lovely that he feels relaxed and comfortable enough to doze off with YOU there. maybe just having you around makes things seem 'normal'. so being tired he sleeps.

be pleased that you make him feel that way.

wayne x

ps as you say you are not THAT far from my bus pass limit so beware!!!!

 

[Shedrech]

Ho Gwendy1
Good thought from CollegeGirl
just wanted to say don't dismiss this as insignificant:

I'm 'comfortable' to be around.

when this awful dementia can cause so much anxiety, the moments of just being quiet together and being relaxed are a real gift - rewarded with

a wee moment of clarity- dad gave me a half-smile

I can't take my dad out any more either, and he is so agitated at times - so those moments of quietly sitting together are a treasure - last visit, as I was leaving, he told me to take care of myself; I left beaming

(Wayne put it better

 

[Gwendy1]

Thank u too, Wayne and Shedrech. I know to celebrate the 'small stuff' with dad, and I try to. My dad means the world to me, I overthink and worry. I just hate the thought that I could be doing something 'more'. I feel for you too, Shedrech, you are always so kind and calming with your comments and advice, while dealing with your own stresses, I'm sure. ❤️️ And aye, Wayne, the Polar express to the North still runs, I believe! ⛄️


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