Hi there 
I am 52, and have been up against horrible social services with regards to their care. My dad (83) suffers from advanced Parkinson's (mobility issues/fall risk) and my mother who has mid-late stage Alzheimer's.
My mother is 90, and really wonderful for her age. She is fully fit, with no incontinence/bowel issues or eating/drinking issues. She was diagnosed about 8 years ago, and still going strong, except of course, without her thyroid, and the Alzheimer's, which caused her to go from a Hyacinth Bucket, to a female version of Albert Steptoe lol! This has required once daily visit for personal care/showers, and medication prompt from carers.
Bathing was the only thing I could not get her to do on my own (as in bath/shower). She would only fully strip-wash, and hair-wash, at the bathroom sink. That said, she was never dirty/smelly, but I just felt, she needed proper bathing a couple of times a week, so she was allocated 2 carers for one hour per day (morning).
I have lived with my parents for approx 30 years. My dad (86) was diagnosed first, around 15-20 years ago, so eventually I became their full time caregiver, which I loved doing, as i knew they didn't want to go into a care home facility. My mum was a SRN and nursed the elderly in hospital, before she retired at age 65, and had implored me NOT to put her in a nursing home, which I said I would never do. Dad retired at 66 from teaching, and they've been married for 55 years.
Dad was always active, and was never happy just sitting on his bum at the telly, so as the Parkinson's progressed, this led to him having falls at home, garden or workshop, as he refused to take-it-easy and rest. We joked that he had the community alarm people, on speed dial! They were out a few times a week, to help him up again. Dad never seemed to injure himself, except for the odd bruise or scrape, when he fell.
Fast forward to present day. Dad was in hospital for a UTI last October, and they kept him in hospital, then rehab care home for 6 months in total. Eventually, after a LOT of hellish resistance from social-services, my mother and I finally had dad home again. I wanted social-services to allocate him a wheelchair, so he could get around the house/garden etc easier, and enjoy life a bit more without the risk of him falling, but that was denied.
The house had already been fitted with wet-room, mobility aids, stair lift etc for him, and he moved into the downstairs bedroom, and had carers approx. 7 times a day. Though, apart from getting him up in the morning, bathing, and putting him to bed, the visits were mostly for medication & change his pad if required. Dad does have incontinence accidents, IF he does not make it to the loo on-time, but he refuses to use the commode. The wheelchair would have helped him get to the loo quicker also, thus fewer falling accidents.
Approx. 6 weeks ago, dad had another fall, requiring 3 stitches to his upper arm, but other than that, he said he was fine. Head X-rays etc. were all clear, but they kept him in hospital for a while, to get him some physio.
BUT, while dad was actually a patient IN THE hospital he had another fall, requiring stitches to his head and it showed he had a brain contusion! It was then social-services said dad would NEVER be allowed back home, as he was a fall risk, so he would be put (unceremoniously dumped) in a care facility, MILES AWAY from home!
At a care meeting, where he was on the phone, he told them he was NOT HAPPY with this arrangement, but they bluntly told him that IF he did NOT agree to a care home, they would just KEEP him in hospital for the rest of his life, and he'd STILL NEVER be allowed to return home to mother and I. My views at the meeting were ignored. I never saw my father again.
This distressed mother and I, especially my poor mother, as they've never been apart in all those years. Social services then decided to put mum in the care home also, as she wanted to be with dad, and I can't say I blame her. They claimed as a carer was needed to bath mother, her care needs were not met at home!!!! ***!?
Mother agreed BUT afterwards when I explained the entirety of this to her, she broke down in my arms. Due to the Alzheimer's, she THOUGHT that meant we were ALL (me too) moving to a more suitable home, for dads care needs (not a care-home), and that's WHY she agreed to go with dad. Mum changed her mind and wanted to stay with me in OUR family home, but social services refused, and put her in a care facility with my dad anyway. I never saw my mother again.
It's been a week now, and I am completely heartbroken. This big house is so empty, and I miss my parents SO much. The care home is miles away from me, and over £40 return in a taxi. I don't drive, and am sick myself, so unable to jump on and off buses, but even that would be £10 return, so even IF I were fit enough, I could not afford that.
To ADD to my misery, social services are harassing me almost daily for mum and dad's joint bank card and statements. I honestly DON'T have them. I never have. I have my own savings. The card is not where dad said it would be, but he said that was possibly due to mother's rummaging and stashing behaviours.
I DO have full LPA for my parents, but due to my own declining health, I have not even been up to the bank yet. Mum and dad always told me, that their owned house and their savings would fall to me, when they passed away. Social services say THEY are entitled to all my parents savings, for the care home fees, also they can, and will sell my parents private home too, if required. That would make me homeless, but they said they would put me in a bedsit or b&b, so I'd not be on the street (gee thanks!)
It's SO sad that social services piratically forced my parents into a care home, thus depriving us of remaining together as a family, and just two days AFTER that, are harassing me for my parents joint bank card and statements! Care home bills have already turned up, addressed to me as LPA for £400 per week!
I DO know that the care-home fees WILL have to be paid from my parents savings, and sooner or later, they'll be depleted. Then I won't be able to afford to pay the house bills, which my dad has on direct debit at present, so I will have no water, gas, or electricity, once the council take their savings for care-home fees. I could never afford the upkeep of this large 3 bed detached villa on my own from my savings and ESA/DLA benefits.
I HAVE asked the social services for at least a CHC assessment on my dad, but they refuse to do so. I also told the nasty social worker that even IF I had my parents bank card and statements to hand, I would NOT just hand them over to her.
I was advised to get the LA finance department to send me a written request, then arrange a meeting with THEM to have a financial assessment done properly, and never just hand over a bank card and statements to a social worker.
The social worker, says she has every right to take my parents bank card and statements from the house. Also she tried to lift my parents LPA paperwork, but I told her if she wanted a copy of it, then she could obtain it from the OPG, she was not taking my official copies from the house.
Social services have made this whole ordeal a living nightmare for my parents and I. Has anyone else had similar experiences with social services before? I mean they won't even move my parents to a closer care-home, so I can at LEAST visit them. SS also got angry when I told them, I have had sound legal advice, also advice from Age UK. and CAB. Age UK are going to try and set me up with an advocate to speak for me, and attend LA meetings with me, so I am not alone in this process. I have never been more miserable, scared and heartbroken in my life, than I am right now.
Does anyone know IF with my LPA, I could sell my parents house, like my dad suggested, and buy a one-bed flat near the care home with the proceeds, so I can at least be near my parents? Or will the LA claim all the money if I sell my parents house?
I am drained, both mentally and physically. I feel like I am fighting a losing battle with social services. They have split up, and broken our family unit, and yet they say I have NO right to be defensive, and angry with them! Really?
I am 52, and have been up against horrible social services with regards to their care. My dad (83) suffers from advanced Parkinson's (mobility issues/fall risk) and my mother who has mid-late stage Alzheimer's.
My mother is 90, and really wonderful for her age. She is fully fit, with no incontinence/bowel issues or eating/drinking issues. She was diagnosed about 8 years ago, and still going strong, except of course, without her thyroid, and the Alzheimer's, which caused her to go from a Hyacinth Bucket, to a female version of Albert Steptoe lol! This has required once daily visit for personal care/showers, and medication prompt from carers.
Bathing was the only thing I could not get her to do on my own (as in bath/shower). She would only fully strip-wash, and hair-wash, at the bathroom sink. That said, she was never dirty/smelly, but I just felt, she needed proper bathing a couple of times a week, so she was allocated 2 carers for one hour per day (morning).
I have lived with my parents for approx 30 years. My dad (86) was diagnosed first, around 15-20 years ago, so eventually I became their full time caregiver, which I loved doing, as i knew they didn't want to go into a care home facility. My mum was a SRN and nursed the elderly in hospital, before she retired at age 65, and had implored me NOT to put her in a nursing home, which I said I would never do. Dad retired at 66 from teaching, and they've been married for 55 years.
Dad was always active, and was never happy just sitting on his bum at the telly, so as the Parkinson's progressed, this led to him having falls at home, garden or workshop, as he refused to take-it-easy and rest. We joked that he had the community alarm people, on speed dial! They were out a few times a week, to help him up again. Dad never seemed to injure himself, except for the odd bruise or scrape, when he fell.
Fast forward to present day. Dad was in hospital for a UTI last October, and they kept him in hospital, then rehab care home for 6 months in total. Eventually, after a LOT of hellish resistance from social-services, my mother and I finally had dad home again. I wanted social-services to allocate him a wheelchair, so he could get around the house/garden etc easier, and enjoy life a bit more without the risk of him falling, but that was denied.
The house had already been fitted with wet-room, mobility aids, stair lift etc for him, and he moved into the downstairs bedroom, and had carers approx. 7 times a day. Though, apart from getting him up in the morning, bathing, and putting him to bed, the visits were mostly for medication & change his pad if required. Dad does have incontinence accidents, IF he does not make it to the loo on-time, but he refuses to use the commode. The wheelchair would have helped him get to the loo quicker also, thus fewer falling accidents.
Approx. 6 weeks ago, dad had another fall, requiring 3 stitches to his upper arm, but other than that, he said he was fine. Head X-rays etc. were all clear, but they kept him in hospital for a while, to get him some physio.
BUT, while dad was actually a patient IN THE hospital he had another fall, requiring stitches to his head and it showed he had a brain contusion! It was then social-services said dad would NEVER be allowed back home, as he was a fall risk, so he would be put (unceremoniously dumped) in a care facility, MILES AWAY from home!
At a care meeting, where he was on the phone, he told them he was NOT HAPPY with this arrangement, but they bluntly told him that IF he did NOT agree to a care home, they would just KEEP him in hospital for the rest of his life, and he'd STILL NEVER be allowed to return home to mother and I. My views at the meeting were ignored. I never saw my father again.
This distressed mother and I, especially my poor mother, as they've never been apart in all those years. Social services then decided to put mum in the care home also, as she wanted to be with dad, and I can't say I blame her. They claimed as a carer was needed to bath mother, her care needs were not met at home!!!! ***!?
Mother agreed BUT afterwards when I explained the entirety of this to her, she broke down in my arms. Due to the Alzheimer's, she THOUGHT that meant we were ALL (me too) moving to a more suitable home, for dads care needs (not a care-home), and that's WHY she agreed to go with dad. Mum changed her mind and wanted to stay with me in OUR family home, but social services refused, and put her in a care facility with my dad anyway. I never saw my mother again.
It's been a week now, and I am completely heartbroken. This big house is so empty, and I miss my parents SO much. The care home is miles away from me, and over £40 return in a taxi. I don't drive, and am sick myself, so unable to jump on and off buses, but even that would be £10 return, so even IF I were fit enough, I could not afford that.
To ADD to my misery, social services are harassing me almost daily for mum and dad's joint bank card and statements. I honestly DON'T have them. I never have. I have my own savings. The card is not where dad said it would be, but he said that was possibly due to mother's rummaging and stashing behaviours.
I DO have full LPA for my parents, but due to my own declining health, I have not even been up to the bank yet. Mum and dad always told me, that their owned house and their savings would fall to me, when they passed away. Social services say THEY are entitled to all my parents savings, for the care home fees, also they can, and will sell my parents private home too, if required. That would make me homeless, but they said they would put me in a bedsit or b&b, so I'd not be on the street (gee thanks!)
It's SO sad that social services piratically forced my parents into a care home, thus depriving us of remaining together as a family, and just two days AFTER that, are harassing me for my parents joint bank card and statements! Care home bills have already turned up, addressed to me as LPA for £400 per week!
I DO know that the care-home fees WILL have to be paid from my parents savings, and sooner or later, they'll be depleted. Then I won't be able to afford to pay the house bills, which my dad has on direct debit at present, so I will have no water, gas, or electricity, once the council take their savings for care-home fees. I could never afford the upkeep of this large 3 bed detached villa on my own from my savings and ESA/DLA benefits.
I HAVE asked the social services for at least a CHC assessment on my dad, but they refuse to do so. I also told the nasty social worker that even IF I had my parents bank card and statements to hand, I would NOT just hand them over to her.
I was advised to get the LA finance department to send me a written request, then arrange a meeting with THEM to have a financial assessment done properly, and never just hand over a bank card and statements to a social worker.
The social worker, says she has every right to take my parents bank card and statements from the house. Also she tried to lift my parents LPA paperwork, but I told her if she wanted a copy of it, then she could obtain it from the OPG, she was not taking my official copies from the house.
Social services have made this whole ordeal a living nightmare for my parents and I. Has anyone else had similar experiences with social services before? I mean they won't even move my parents to a closer care-home, so I can at LEAST visit them. SS also got angry when I told them, I have had sound legal advice, also advice from Age UK. and CAB. Age UK are going to try and set me up with an advocate to speak for me, and attend LA meetings with me, so I am not alone in this process. I have never been more miserable, scared and heartbroken in my life, than I am right now.
Does anyone know IF with my LPA, I could sell my parents house, like my dad suggested, and buy a one-bed flat near the care home with the proceeds, so I can at least be near my parents? Or will the LA claim all the money if I sell my parents house?
I am drained, both mentally and physically. I feel like I am fighting a losing battle with social services. They have split up, and broken our family unit, and yet they say I have NO right to be defensive, and angry with them! Really?
