Went to visit my mum at the care home today and she was sat in her usual position in her chair with her legs on a pouffe, legs all bandaged up with falls etc. She was very vague and distant and didn,t recognise me (I have got used to this now after several months).
The senior nurse came and told me that they were putting mum a hospital bed in her room today as she can no longer walk and the staff have to use a hoist with her now. She is doubly incontinent and has to be fed now. O.k I thought, that is reasonable.
When the bed arrived and it was moved into mums room the staff took away the electronic mat which was always placed at the side of the bed in case she tried to get out of bed. The nurse said 'Oh she will not require this anymore'
I got such a sickly panic feeling and really started trembling, I just had this terrible feeling that they were making up my mums death bed and she would never sit with me in her chair again. I am thinking that tomorrow when I go she will be laid in the bed and won't be able to get up anymore. Am I being silly? I just feel terrible.
I know mum is very poorly with latter stage AD but suddenly reality seems to have hit me. She has suffered many years now but I have never felt so sick as I did today. Has it hit anyone else like this after so long.
I came home and broke my heart and my body feels to be shaking inside. I will have to pull myself together as I have my husband at home here, just out of hospital after another heart attack and I have to care for him.
When I retired I had so many plans for us, now just distant memories.
Sorry for rambling on but felt writing my feelings down might help a bit.
Thanks if you have had time to read this.
Sunbell xx
The senior nurse came and told me that they were putting mum a hospital bed in her room today as she can no longer walk and the staff have to use a hoist with her now. She is doubly incontinent and has to be fed now. O.k I thought, that is reasonable.
When the bed arrived and it was moved into mums room the staff took away the electronic mat which was always placed at the side of the bed in case she tried to get out of bed. The nurse said 'Oh she will not require this anymore'
I got such a sickly panic feeling and really started trembling, I just had this terrible feeling that they were making up my mums death bed and she would never sit with me in her chair again. I am thinking that tomorrow when I go she will be laid in the bed and won't be able to get up anymore. Am I being silly? I just feel terrible.
I know mum is very poorly with latter stage AD but suddenly reality seems to have hit me. She has suffered many years now but I have never felt so sick as I did today. Has it hit anyone else like this after so long.
I came home and broke my heart and my body feels to be shaking inside. I will have to pull myself together as I have my husband at home here, just out of hospital after another heart attack and I have to care for him.
When I retired I had so many plans for us, now just distant memories.
Sorry for rambling on but felt writing my feelings down might help a bit.
Thanks if you have had time to read this.
Sunbell xx