Sudden aggression and care home

[Crownlyn]

Hello, I've been a member of this group for well over a year and sometimes post but mostly taking advice and experience from other threads.
This time I seem to have a couple of questions that I need advice/help on.
Firstly, my mum has Mixed Dementia and Alzheimer's and after a hospital admission probably about 2 years ago I got in private carers more for companionship and taking her out as I work full time and couldn't always be there. Fast forward to now and she has 24/7 hour care but...she is fully mobile, she gets herself up in the morning and to bed at night, she can make toast and tea, she washes and dresses herself and sometimes she seems like she doesn't have anything wrong with her aside from the obvious confusion and repeating herself, but the week before Easter she suddenly changed got extremely confused and aggressive. The only time she ever gets aggressive is in hospital with delirium. She was eventually admitted to hospital over Easter and they sorted out her electrolytes, hydrated her, gave antibiotics etc and discharged home so I know there is nothing wrong with her but the dementia has advanced as per the hospital.
She keeps changing like a flick of a switch, one minute she is okay the next she gets so anxious and angry, she keeps throwing out the carers, telling them to FO and it's her house so she can do what she wants and has even hit them. She seems so frustrated and then calms down and starts crying and saying sorry. This is getting more and more regular - it's like an out of body experience, she's just not herself and is quite nasty especially with me accusing me of all sorts.
Has anyone else experienced this and did your LO take anything to calm them down?

I think it is time for a care home and I have found a lovely one but as she is so mobile and switched on she will be like a caged animal. I have read on another thread ways to get her there and pacify her when visiting and leaving but what if she continually asks to come home after the initial respite period or can you go straight in without respite?
What if the home can't deal with the anger issues, I would've already let the 4 carers go.

I just feel if they got her meds right she could stay home for a bit longer but the GP's are useless, I contacted them so many times this past year regarding her anxiety and they really didn't want to give any medication but eventually gave in to 7.5mg mirtazapine just increased to 15mg and the odd lorazepam, neither of which touch her when she is on one of her rages. I've also sobbed down the phone to them that I can't take anymore but here we are 5 weeks later and nothing!
Memory clinic discharged us as she couldn't take donepezil and we've never seen a social worker.

She will be self funding so I assume I don't need to wait for her to be assessed or wait until she is sectioned? In any case how is anyone sectioned, who does it? I'm sure if she was they would sort her meds out.

I have LPOA and she does not have capacity as we needed to know this to take out equity release on her home to fund the carers.

Sorry for rambling on, mum threw her favourite carer out tonight and went to her next door neighbour to borrow their phone to call me and ask me to go up there (obviously the carer didn't leave) and I didn't go, I was with her all weekend and need a break. I'm at my wits end.
I unplugged her phone to stop her constantly phoning me and the police about the carers who frighten her.

Any suggestions or anyone been through similar?

Thank you for reading.

 

[SeaSwallow]

Hello @Crownlyn I am so sorry to read about the issues that you are having regarding your mum. From your description it really does sound as if it is time for residential care. As your mum is self funding you can just go ahead and look for a care home in your area. But please ensure that you discuss with them the issues that your mum has, you would not want to her settled somewhere and then for them to say that they could not cope.
You might fine the attached link useful when searching for suitable homes.

Find a care home - Care Quality Commission

www.cqc.org.uk

 

[Pacucho]

Hello,
Sorry to read about the issues you are facing.
In your post you say you have been liaising with the GP to see if they can find a solution with your mum's medication that will help, but that they haven't been great. Do you know whether the GP has actually been in touch with the local memory clinic ? The reason I ask is that GPs aren't the best place to consider such issues, and one option you can consider is seeking an urgent referral back to the memory clinic. It is the memory clinic staff that have all the experience in considering what medications work best in such scenarios, which I also have to say may not work (as there are no guarantees).
I thought I would mention this in case this hasn't happened.
Hope this helps,
Paco

 

[jac69]

Hello, I've been a member of this group for well over a year and sometimes post but mostly taking advice and experience from other threads.
This time I seem to have a couple of questions that I need advice/help on.
Firstly, my mum has Mixed Dementia and Alzheimer's and after a hospital admission probably about 2 years ago I got in private carers more for companionship and taking her out as I work full time and couldn't always be there. Fast forward to now and she has 24/7 hour care but...she is fully mobile, she gets herself up in the morning and to bed at night, she can make toast and tea, she washes and dresses herself and sometimes she seems like she doesn't have anything wrong with her aside from the obvious confusion and repeating herself, but the week before Easter she suddenly changed got extremely confused and aggressive. The only time she ever gets aggressive is in hospital with delirium. She was eventually admitted to hospital over Easter and they sorted out her electrolytes, hydrated her, gave antibiotics etc and discharged home so I know there is nothing wrong with her but the dementia has advanced as per the hospital.
She keeps changing like a flick of a switch, one minute she is okay the next she gets so anxious and angry, she keeps throwing out the carers, telling them to FO and it's her house so she can do what she wants and has even hit them. She seems so frustrated and then calms down and starts crying and saying sorry. This is getting more and more regular - it's like an out of body experience, she's just not herself and is quite nasty especially with me accusing me of all sorts.
Has anyone else experienced this and did your LO take anything to calm them down?

I think it is time for a care home and I have found a lovely one but as she is so mobile and switched on she will be like a caged animal. I have read on another thread ways to get her there and pacify her when visiting and leaving but what if she continually asks to come home after the initial respite period or can you go straight in without respite?
What if the home can't deal with the anger issues, I would've already let the 4 carers go.

I just feel if they got her meds right she could stay home for a bit longer but the GP's are useless, I contacted them so many times this past year regarding her anxiety and they really didn't want to give any medication but eventually gave in to 7.5mg mirtazapine just increased to 15mg and the odd lorazepam, neither of which touch her when she is on one of her rages. I've also sobbed down the phone to them that I can't take anymore but here we are 5 weeks later and nothing!
Memory clinic discharged us as she couldn't take donepezil and we've never seen a social worker.

She will be self funding so I assume I don't need to wait for her to be assessed or wait until she is sectioned? In any case how is anyone sectioned, who does it? I'm sure if she was they would sort her meds out.

I have LPOA and she does not have capacity as we needed to know this to take out equity release on her home to fund the carers.

Sorry for rambling on, mum threw her favourite carer out tonight and went to her next door neighbour to borrow their phone to call me and ask me to go up there (obviously the carer didn't leave) and I didn't go, I was with her all weekend and need a break. I'm at my wits end.
I unplugged her phone to stop her constantly phoning me and the police about the carers who frighten her.

Any suggestions or anyone been through similar?

Thank you for reading.

You could be talking about my other half so I understand how you feel. I found a nice care home that does day care and he went there once a week. But recently he has had anger outbursts at me because I won't take him up to see the nice ladies. never at anyone else it is only me that is mean and horrid to him. This weeken he waited till I was in the shower and took himself off to find the nice ladies. He got lost and an hour or so later found his way home. I spoke to the care home about full residency. They have a room available and because they know him they are prepared to give him a 4 week trial. I think the routine of the care home and lots of people that he can show off to will help keep him calm also they do things to entertain them and feed them lots through out the day. So that would be my suggestion get your mum used to going to a centre to mix with other peopl and then she might think I like it there and want to stay longer

 

[Crownlyn]

Thank you for your replies. I have had a much needed week away in Spain and hit the ground running with mum when I got back.
I have been with her all weekend and then today she has been horrible to the carer, thrown her out, saying she doesn't know her and has completely forgotten I stayed. It's as if she plays up trying to get me to go back but doesn't remember I have been there and when I am there she starts trying to pick a row - I try not to argue but then that seems to make her more angry so she keeps chipping away at me until I respond.
Anyway I will contact the memory clinic to see if they can help, although the GP did say they were going to speak with them and a psychiatrist to get something in place but it hasn't happened and I will definitely contact the care home to see if I can take mum in one day to see if she likes it.
She loves her memory club on a Friday morning as they do quizzes and serve cake!
Again thank you for replying.

 

[Sonya1]

Hi @Crownlyn , I've just read through your post and what stands out to me is that your Mum is relatively able as regards some day to day functions, but conversely is very much displaying 'typical' behavioural traits of someone with dementias which can be difficult to manage.
Sadly, in my experience, this will only become more difficult, and your Mum's needs more complex, as time goes on. I would suggest speaking very candidly with Care Homes about your Mum's presentation to get an idea of what level of need they can meet, as to possibly have to move your Mum in the future would be quite traumatic.
Perhaps organise a whole week's respite care once you have narrowed down possible homes as this will achieve a few things - 1) current carers can take some leave; 2) Your Mum will experience the whole cycle, ie. daytime, mealtimes, activities, night times etc and most importantly really 3) the home can use this time to assess your Mum's needs and hopefully give honest feedback as to whether they think they can meet her needs both now and in the future.
Maybe you could broach it to her as a holiday, say some jobs need doing at home, or that her carers need to take some leave ??
It's a really horrible situation for you to be in and I have every sympathy but maybe now is the time to be thinking a few moves ahead

 

[Jessbow]

You may have to be more brutal ( With yourself) over the care home.

I will definitely contact the care home to see if I can take mum in one day to see if she likes it.

She wont like it, she'll hate it.
BUT
She also doeset like the life she has now- would you describe her life now as a happy existance? No
She wont like the carers- does she like her carers now? NO

Its time to make that move- meds may help but they are not be be-all.