Still early stages or now entering middle?

[jay6]

I'm not sure if its still early stages or if we are going into second/middle stage.
So now my PWD seems happy to just sit on sofa all day either watching T.V. although nods off from time to time, or does a word search (same page all day) so not sure how much he is really doing and how much his mind is vacant.
Does do a walk round the outside of the house some days. Yesterday took his slippers off. Put left shoe on then left slipper back on but on right foot.
Doesn't seem interested in going out. I don't suggest it now so it doesn't happen. Didn't want to go to memory café this week which he had said he enjoys.
Isn't at all interested in what or how I'm doing.
If I try to get him motivated, I get accused of 'picking on him' 'telling him off' or 'having a go at him' so I've now stopped and let him do his own thing rather than argue (he was always difficult and only ever did what he wanted anyway)
The house/garden is looking a mess as I can't be bothered but he doesn't seem to notice or care.
Has a wash ever day but makes excuses about having a shower so been quite a few weeks now. He gets up about 9am but takes until about 11am to come downstairs. Seems to take him ages to wash and dress now.
Uses a pee bottle at night as he insists he can't make the toilet in the night. I don't have a problem with it if he feels more comfortable, just wish he would empty it as soon as he's up.
He does still make his breakfast, a sandwich or drink. I try not to do this all the time to make him do something, I do cook dinner and afternoon cake.
I've noticed he is laughing at T.V. programs. Like yesterday with gogglebox. Something he never did before.
Accusing me of taking money.
If an argument started over something really silly, he got very abusive. Telling me no one likes me, Everybody thinks this or that of me, I'm a f****g such and such. and brings things into the argument which are totally unrelated. So now I try not to say anything that will get him going, which is really difficult.
There isn't any communication, he only speaks to me if he wants something. He can go most of the day without saying a word. If I don't try and make a conversation we sit in silence, which doesn't seem to have any affect on him. But his sister phones same time, one a week. He insists on answering then chats to her for an hour. After the call, he goes back to sitting on sofa in front of T.V. again in silence as if I'm not there. He never says what they've been chatting about it's as if it never happened.
Went through a violent stage, lashing out but thank fully that has stopped.
So can anyone tell me if we are still at early stages or now entering next/middle please?

 

[Anthoula]

I'm not sure if its still early stages or if we are going into second/middle stage.
So now my PWD seems happy to just sit on sofa all day either watching T.V. although nods off from time to time, or does a word search (same page all day) so not sure how much he is really doing and how much his mind is vacant.
Does do a walk round the outside of the house some days. Yesterday took his slippers off. Put left shoe on then left slipper back on but on right foot.
Doesn't seem interested in going out. I don't suggest it now so it doesn't happen. Didn't want to go to memory café this week which he had said he enjoys.
Isn't at all interested in what or how I'm doing.
If I try to get him motivated, I get accused of 'picking on him' 'telling him off' or 'having a go at him' so I've now stopped and let him do his own thing rather than argue (he was always difficult and only ever did what he wanted anyway)
The house/garden is looking a mess as I can't be bothered but he doesn't seem to notice or care.
Has a wash ever day but makes excuses about having a shower so been quite a few weeks now. He gets up about 9am but takes until about 11am to come downstairs. Seems to take him ages to wash and dress now.
Uses a pee bottle at night as he insists he can't make the toilet in the night. I don't have a problem with it if he feels more comfortable, just wish he would empty it as soon as he's up.
He does still make his breakfast, a sandwich or drink. I try not to do this all the time to make him do something, I do cook dinner and afternoon cake.
I've noticed he is laughing at T.V. programs. Like yesterday with gogglebox. Something he never did before.
Accusing me of taking money.
If an argument started over something really silly, he got very abusive. Telling me no one likes me, Everybody thinks this or that of me, I'm a f****g such and such. and brings things into the argument which are totally unrelated. So now I try not to say anything that will get him going, which is really difficult.
There isn't any communication, he only speaks to me if he wants something. He can go most of the day without saying a word. If I don't try and make a conversation we sit in silence, which doesn't seem to have any affect on him. But his sister phones same time, one a week. He insists on answering then chats to her for an hour. After the call, he goes back to sitting on sofa in front of T.V. again in silence as if I'm not there. He never says what they've been chatting about it's as if it never happened.
Went through a violent stage, lashing out but thank fully that has stopped.
So can anyone tell me if we are still at early stages or now entering next/middle please?

Sorry, I can`t tell you the stage your husband has reached. I am not sure exactly how one can determine stages as those with dementia seem to vary from person to person. All I can say is that your situation reflects mine in so many ways and I know, only too well, how you are feeling.

 

[jay6]

Sorry, I can`t tell you the stage your husband has reached. I am not sure exactly how one can determine stages as those with dementia seem to vary from person to person. All I can say is that your situation reflects mine in so many ways and I know, only too well, how you are feeling.

Yes I agree every one with dementia seems to vary, just trying to get an idea. Its frustrating not knowing. I see a change.
The lack of interest in everything is driving me crazy. I've given up trying to start a conversation or suggest doing anything. But now seems everyday is the same. The only one its affecting is me. But obviously so many in my situation.
I just wish there was more help for carers in way of maybe, dementia groups where they can be left so the carers get some respite.

 

[NEESE201]

Sorry, I can`t tell you the stage your husband has reached. I am not sure exactly how one can determine stages as those with dementia seem to vary from person to person. All I can say is that your situation reflects mine in so many ways and I know, only too well, how you are feeling.

My situation is similar to your but I am still managing to get him out and about just shopping and walks mainly but the Conversation is nil he will answer (short answers) but cannot make conversation he is constantly vague uninterested
Tired but amazing appetite- I feel like his slave with no affection or acknowledgement of what I do whether financially mentally or physically - and this has all happened over 3 years - he said this illness has ruined his life he is wrong it has ruined both our lives
Take care of yourself
Neese

 

[jay6]

My situation is similar to your but I am still managing to get him out and about just shopping and walks mainly but the Conversation is nil he will answer (short answers) but cannot make conversation he is constantly vague uninterested
Tired but amazing appetite- I feel like his slave with no affection or acknowledgement of what I do whether financially mentally or physically - and this has all happened over 3 years - he said this illness has ruined his life he is wrong it has ruined both our lives
Take care of yourself
Neese

I feel exactly the same. Just running around after him with nothing coming back. He isn't even bothered at going out. When I said about him never suggesting anything, I just got 'Does it matter who suggests doing/going something/somewhere?' Well yes it does when it's only me doing it! I've given up. So he hasn't been out for over a week now but doesn't seem bothered.
My OH also says same about how its ruined HIS life, unfortunately I've had that since his stroke 10 years ago. Never considers how it's affected me. It's all about him but always has been when I look back.

 

[myfanwe]

hi, oh yes, this 'don't want to, don't care, ' attitude is so frustrating! I try to motivate him to go out, have a shower, or change his clothes but he accuses me of nagging him. he is chatty enough when his brother phones and then goes back into his own little shell when he comes off the phone.
I took him to the beach the other day and while I was walking to the shore line with the dog he struck up a conversation with a kind gentleman on the next bench. I was amazes to see this as he had hardly spoken to me all morning! at least it seems, he enjoyed our trip out.

 

[jay6]

hi, oh yes, this 'don't want to, don't care, ' attitude is so frustrating! I try to motivate him to go out, have a shower, or change his clothes but he accuses me of nagging him. he is chatty enough when his brother phones and then goes back into his own little shell when he comes off the phone.
I took him to the beach the other day and while I was walking to the shore line with the dog he struck up a conversation with a kind gentleman on the next bench. I was amazes to see this as he had hardly spoken to me all morning! at least it seems, he enjoyed our trip out.

You could have been talking about mine. I often feel I don't exist unless he wants something.

 

[Donk1]

Yes I agree every one with dementia seems to vary, just trying to get an idea. Its frustrating not knowing. I see a change.
The lack of interest in everything is driving me crazy. I've given up trying to start a conversation or suggest doing anything. But now seems everyday is the same. The only one its affecting is me. But obviously so many in my situation.
I just wish there was more help for carers in way of maybe, dementia groups where they can be left so the carers get some respite.

Yes, I totally understand the lack of interest andconversation. It is so lonely. It is upsetting when you say something that is important and get no reaction, maybe they just do not understand what we are saying. I told mine that one of our horses was not eating and I thought he may be dying……no reaction at all. So we all just need to type to each other. I do talk to myself all the time and the animals of course. Like you there seems little point in trying to start a conversation just to be grunted at.

 

[jay6]

Yes, I totally understand the lack of interest andconversation. It is so lonely. It is upsetting when you say something that is important and get no reaction, maybe they just do not understand what we are saying. I told mine that one of our horses was not eating and I thought he may be dying……no reaction at all. So we all just need to type to each other. I do talk to myself all the time and the animals of course. Like you there seems little point in trying to start a conversation just to be grunted at.

If I even say something he doesn't like it all kicks off. Let alone try and have an actual conversation and yes the lack of having any feelings is hard to take. My husband's ex wife died last year and I thought he should have gone to support his kids but it was as if I was telling him about a complete stranger. No reaction what so ever.
Mines just been put on Risperidone so I'm hoping at least the aggression and abuse will calm down. Mind you obviously it's never his fault. It's always my fault he gets nasty 🙄