Said the wrong thing, feeling really guilty.

[Suzysheep01]

Mum is in a nursing home. Her short term memory has gone. She has started sundowning and getting pretty agitated and they have put her on half a 2 mg diazepam every evening ( is that a thing? I thought diazepam was a as and when thing)
anyway, she has been in the home since January. She settled in really well initially, until recently. She gets angry wants her husband and children. Up until now she has not mentioned my dad ( who died 7 years ago). She thinks photos of him are her dad and I go along with this.
A couple of days ago I went to leave, saying I had to pick my son up and get his tea… when she started to get up and said she’d better go home and get dad his tea too. For some reason I told her no, she’s ok, dads been gone for some time. My god… she was so upset. She told me I was lying, said there’s no way she could forget that…. Anyway, 2 days later she is really depressed. Not only is she mourning her husband again, she has realised she has absolutely no recollection of any of it. As you can imagine I feel utterly devastated I told her the truth. I’m normally great with the love lies… I think it just caught me off guard as she hasn’t spoken about him in around a year ( nor my late sister for that matter).
yesterday she looked at one of the residents who is pretty advanced in her dementia, and said to me again, I can’t believe I can’t remember. I told her people often block out traumatic memories and that’s probably what has happened. She seems to accept that. Sorry for the long post. Feeling awful 😢

 

[Grannie G]

I told her people often block out traumatic memories and that’s probably what has happened. She seems to accept that

Stop feeling awful @Suzysheep01 and there is never a need to apologise for a post which helps you off load. You said the right thing and eased your mother`s anxiety.

No one can be speech perfect 24/7 and all credit to you for being able to make it right.

 

[canary]

Its impossible not to slip up every now and then and end up saying the wrong thing, especially when caught on the hop.

said to me again, I can’t believe I can’t remember. I told her people often block out traumatic memories and that’s probably what has happened. She seems to accept that.

That was a good response
xx

 

[Anthoula]

Oh heavens, please do not worry. I put my foot firmly in it every day. Always feel guilty, but hey ho, I`m only human.

 

[SAP]

This was not your fault, you did nothing wrong, this is dementia and it sucks. What will make your mum happy is that you visit and she can feel safe and loved.

 

[Suzysheep01]

Thank you all. I took her out for a walk this morning and she didn’t mention it. Phew. She seems pretty low though.

it’s just such a difficult disease to cope with. I miss my mum.

 

[pandion]

Thank you all. I took her out for a walk this morning and she didn’t mention it. Phew. She seems pretty low though.

it’s just such a difficult disease to cope with. I miss my mum.

It's incredibly difficult. It's good your mum didn't mention it today - I find that the positive thing is even if a visit doesn't go well, there's always a good chance the next one will be ok. I've said things many times which I've straight away regretted, it's so easily done, especially when you have a lot of worries on your mind at the time. We are only human...