Respite

[Jude]

Dear All,

My mother goes for the opposite effect with clothes. She tries to wear everything at once and ends up looking like an over-inflated balloon. Having ransacked her wardrobe, she very often starts on my father's clothes and several times has appeared wearing his underpants over her slacks as a form of Superman outfit. Sad but funny.

Jude

 

[Sheila]

Hi Jude, my Mum once put on 6 pairs of knickers, she only stopped then because they were getting too tight to pull up!. By the time we had got three pairs off, both Mum and I were in tears with laughter! Love She. XX

 

[Chloe]

Dear Chesca

Thanks I will certainly mention it because I don't think the GP has actually seen her for a long while - she hasn't been "ill" at all, now that my mum is right there on the spot, which is good. I didn't realise it became a separate issue from social services once it had been "diagnosed" - I need to do more research.

Dear Jude and Sheila thanks - I think I know what you mean - but it is sort of a cross between the balloon and the dance of the seven veils - three jumpers, four socks (on one foot) and nothing in between ("aren't you cold?" "yes I'm bloody freezing"...)

 

[storm]

Hi all,back to the theme of respite, the 2hr home help sitting which started afew weeks ago is now making me so mad that i had to come here and sound off to you before i do something in haste and cancel the damn thing!Last week when the H/Hcame she made a few rumblings about she didnt care much for these sitting jobs as she would sooner be busy i let this pass by saying that it gave me a little break.She has just been today and my son who lives with us happened to be at home because he is off work with a broken arm,she said to me if your son is going to be here i am not staying because we have been told not to stay if someone else is in the house, i replied that no way would my mum let her 28yr old grandson do anything for her if she had a toilet accident and that was the whole point of the service,oh she replied i didnt know she was prone to accidents! she hadnt even read the care plan.Iknow this might not seem much to you all but it totally spoilt my time out hence i was back early and i cant stop feeling i shoudnt be getting this paultry 2hrs a week in fact they can stuff thier 2hrs and any future respite.I dont want mum looked after by people who find it boring even when they are getting paid for it I feel like not giving her the imodium tablet next time see if they found that boring! I wouldnt really but i feel better thinking about it. storm

 

[Katy44]

storm, I know you don't need me to tell you this, but it doesn't sound like she was in the right job! It is incredibly cheeky of her though to be making comments like 'she'd rather be busy' and 'she wouldn't be there if there is anyone else there' - that is not the issue!
I hope you are able to have some stress free time to yourself very soon.

 

[Sheila]

Dear Storm, I am really fuming too for you. This girl is obviously not right for the job. I never once had that happen and my son was always here. (He is permanently disabled and in a wheelchair.) If it was me, I would get on to the agency or your SW and explain, (very nicely, fume here girl!!) that things are a bit worrying for you concerning these weekly respites, that you so need them to work, but that you felt obliged to come home early because you were worried. You could ask about the someone else in the house bit, is it policy etc., explain your son is off sick due to his arm being broken and unable to help his Nan should she fall etc. let alone with a toileting accident because she simply would not allow it. Then just tentatively ask if there is a different carer available who more fully understands and enjoys working with the needs of someone with dementia. You have to do it very tongue in cheek mind, if you can manage to get them to think it was all their idea to replace her then even better. But please don't let one bad apple spoil your chance of a much deserved and needed break. Love She. XX

 

[Mjaqmac]

Right Storm, this happend to me with the very first sit I had. I woman marched in, changed the time to an hour earlier than I had agreed with her boss, and told me some very personal info about another one of her client's finances ( I happened to know the woman she was talking about). Like me, you probably don't want the bother but I urge you to get in touch with her boss and tell her exactly what you told us. I complained about the woman who came to me and the boss was horrified, you don't need to be rude or lose the bap, just tell it how it is. If this agency is worth it's weight in salt, they will want to give you a good service. Others complained about the woman I got and her attitude, and she was out on her ear very quickly. The boss is very good to me now and helps in anyway she can because of the bad start, I finally got a lovely girl whom is like part of the family now, we couldn't do without her and mum and I look forward to her coming. The whole point of a break is for you. I sometimes just go upstairs, it doesn't matter if there is anyone else in the house. Storm you have to report this. She may be bullying the more vulnerable people she is sitting for. Don't let it happen. Let us know how you got on. This is not right and it will get the service a bad name, contact the boss and request someone else. You're owed a break and some decent service, only you can make sure you get it.

Good luck

 

[Jude]

Dear All,

It can take time to find somebody who fits in, but very well worth the effort once its sorted out. Caring seems to be a vocation not just a 'job'. Clearly some are just not suitable at all.

Good luck.

Jude

 

[storm]

Hi all, If this carer had been from a private agency iwould have had no quarms about asking for another one as i would be paying for it but she was a home help sitter from social services but she still should have made it her business to find out about the role and care she is employed to provide.Is it really worth the bother of fighting for services because theres policys tying everyone in knots and everybody blames everybody else and in the end it just wears you out.storm

 

[Jude]

Dear Storm,

Yes, it is most definitely worth following up!

If she is behaving with you this way, then it is entirely likely that she is doing the same with every other person in her 'care', as Magic mentioned. Sounds like she is in the wrong job and should let another person in need of employment take over. Additionally, if you don't report her, then this sort of sub-standard caring will continue unabated. We need the BEST for our loved ones, not dross......

Best wishes,

Jude

 

[Mjaqmac]

Storm my sitter was not from a private agency either, I wasn't paying for her but I would not have left my mother with her and didn't. There are lovely people out there, and you will find one, but you won't if you continue to put up with this woman. Don't feel bad because it's not private, I used to feel like that, and be afraid in case I jeopardised things for mum by not being lovely and wonderful to anyone coming in to help. That's fine if they treat you the same way in return. Everyone banks on us carers keeping our mouths shut and putting up and shutting up, we only get what we deserve when we refuse to accept less.

Stormy Baby you and your piglet deserve the VERY BEST, make sure you get it for piglet and you. No one is going to beat down your door to help you, it's a hard fact of caring and it's one that's hitting this carer at the moment. No one will give the care you can to your piglet, how could they? But there will be people you will be happy with.

 

[Norman]

Storm
you do not have to tolerate behavior that you are not happy with.
There is a carers charter and it can be quoted,and should be.
Contact in the first instance this persons manager. and take it from there.
Norman

 

[storm]

Hi all,Thanks for your replies it motivated me to phoneS/Swhich was the right thing to do.The lady i spoke to was very supportive and said there was no way that this should have happened,it doesnt matter who is in the house theH/H is there to look after my mum, has for beingbored and reading books she said she is supposedto provide company and stimulation for mum.She was very apoligetic and is going to put in a written complaint which paniced me a bit but she said we will never improve services if people dont bring these things to their attention.Iam having a differant H/H next week so we will see how we go.I hate trouble but am really glad i called and i am pleased how the phone call went.storm

 

[Sheila]

Well done Storm, you obviously handled it very well and got your message across without upsetting the boss lady. You will now find you have an ally in this person because she too wants to improve the service which is great, for you, and great for the service as a whole. This is the only way to improve things. They usually don't mind, if you have a genuine greivance and tell them politely I found. Don't worry about the written complaint. That happened to me with our first agency. Just make sure you have written down exactly what happened while it is fresh in your mind, thats what I did, and times etc. of visit. (That first agency subsequently lost quite a few SS clients in our area because of poor service so you are doing everyone a favour.) Good luck, love She. XX

 

[Mjaqmac]

Brilliant Storm! Well done. Now don't you feel better for standing up for yourself and your mum? That's a small step in improving things for yourselves. Hope it all goes well from now on.

 

[storm]

Hi all, had phone call today from head of S/S for theH/H telling me that they are following the precedure and will be sending me a letter and the H/H will be be told the correct policys regarding the sitting service. I just hope that with this woman living locally that she doesnt accost me in the street! I do get myself in some messes why is nothing ever straight forward. storm