Reluctance to stop driving following diagnosis

[Chunky12]

This seems quite banal compared to other posts I've read and hoping this is the right forum to post ...
Our mum has recently had a letter following an assessment, giving the diagnosis of Alzheimer's.
This came as no surprise to the family who have known for a while that the mum we used to know what changing ...
she is still fiercely independent and we wouldn't want to stop that in any way.
One way she maintains this independence is driving.
However, the letter says that DVLA and her insurance company need to be informed of medical condition and she needs to do a fit to drive test. Until then it is advised she shouldn't drive.
This has caused the biggest reaction ever and mum is insisting that she will continue driving regardless and has been - "only locally" to quote mum!
We have tried to explain the situation but have been met with an emotional response.
Knowing what we know, should we inform DVLA and the insurance company? Mum has already accused us of betraying her, and conspiring against her (though we're not sure what we've done).
Any advice much appreciated - we know what is the right thing to do, but, we know it will cause such serious upset . Thank you

 

[SeaSwallow]

This seems quite banal compared to other posts I've read and hoping this is the right forum to post ...
Our mum has recently had a letter following an assessment, giving the diagnosis of Alzheimer's.
This came as no surprise to the family who have known for a while that the mum we used to know what changing ...
she is still fiercely independent and we wouldn't want to stop that in any way.
One way she maintains this independence is driving.
However, the letter says that DVLA and her insurance company need to be informed of medical condition and she needs to do a fit to drive test. Until then it is advised she shouldn't drive.
This has caused the biggest reaction ever and mum is insisting that she will continue driving regardless and has been - "only locally" to quote mum!
We have tried to explain the situation but have been met with an emotional response.
Knowing what we know, should we inform DVLA and the insurance company? Mum has already accused us of betraying her, and conspiring against her (though we're not sure what we've done).
Any advice much appreciated - we know what is the right thing to do, but, we know it will cause such serious upset . Thank you

Welcome to Talking Point @Chunky12. The issue of driving after a diagnosis of dementia is not at all banal and is really difficult to deal with. Even after a number of years my hubby still on occasions blames me for not being allowed to drive, I suppose because I am here to blame.
It is a legal requirement that the DVLA should be informed of the diagnosis and also the insurers. If it has been advised that she should not drive until the fit to drive test there must already be concerns about whether or not your mum should be driving at all.
If your mum is refusing to contact the DVAL and the insurance company I think that you have no option but to contact them yourself, if your mum was to have an accident she would not be insured because of the advice not to drive. If you can try to put the blame on the doctors to try to deflect some of the flack.
Some people on here have either removed the keys to the car from the person who should not be driving or even got the police to try to talk to them.
As you have already seen it is not an easy issue to deal with and hopefully other people will come along with ideas to help you.
You have also said that your mum has accused you of betraying her and conspiring against her without knowing what you are meant to have done, unfortunately that is very common in people with dementia and is very hard to deal with, we carers just have to try to develop thick skins and it is not always easy.

 

[Louise7]

Hello @Chunky12 this isn't a 'banal' question at all as the topic of driving and dementia comes up a lot here. It's a difficult situation to handle but I wonder if discussing it with your mum in a slightly different way might help? You might find the factsheet below useful as it explains the situation well. Would explaining to your mum that it is the law to report her condition to the DVLA and insurance company and there is a £1,000 fine for those who don't do this? Also, a diagnosis doesn't automatically mean that someone has to stop driving permanently and if your mum is insistent that her driving is fine then taking the 'fitness to drive' test will confirm that so perhaps explain it to her that way? If not then yes, you can inform the DVLA and insurance company yourself, and if your mum asks, say that it must have been the doctor that told them? In the meantime are you able to disable her car in some way eg hide the keys, say it has to go for a service etc? I'm sure others will be along with other suggestions, as what works for one person may not work for another, but hopefully you will find a solution that works for you and your mum.

The law on driving and dementia

Drivers with dementia must tell their licensing agency and car insurer straightaway. Find out more about UK law on driving and dementia, and what happens if these rules are not followed.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

 

[Dave63]

Reading the Alzheimers info regarding driving it appears there is an obligation to inform the DVLA.

The law on driving and dementia

Drivers with dementia must tell their licensing agency and car insurer straightaway. Find out more about UK law on driving and dementia, and what happens if these rules are not followed.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

Edit: oop's @Louise7 beat me to it

 

[Skylark/2]

About 18 months ago my O.H was diagnosed with MCI and the doctor at the memory clinic said he could continue to drive! Fast forward to last July when we saw a different doctor who diagnosed Alzheimer like dementia and asked my husband if he was still driving, ( as she would have to tell the DVLA if he was ) he replied no….but he was lying! A month later we had a family holiday and my DIL said he shouldn’t drive, huge argument ensued. A few weeks later he received a letter from the D.VLA saying they were advising him to stop driving but he could take an assessment. Husband was furious, how did the DVLA know and I said the doctor must have told them……..it was actually my DIL! Eventually he had a driving assessment, and failed. Again furious, blaming the assessors ( they didn’t know what they were doing etc., ) but what I have never told him was if he disagreed with the report, he could apply to do it again but would have to pay for it.
In short, I said it was the dr’s responsibility to report to theDVLA and after the assessment implied that there was nothing else he could do and how much trouble he would be in if driving without insurance, licence etc.,
He now reluctantly accepts he can no longer drive, just moans every now and again that he has to rely on me, feels trapped.

 

[cobden 28]

This seems quite banal compared to other posts I've read and hoping this is the right forum to post ...
Our mum has recently had a letter following an assessment, giving the diagnosis of Alzheimer's.
This came as no surprise to the family who have known for a while that the mum we used to know what changing ...
she is still fiercely independent and we wouldn't want to stop that in any way.
One way she maintains this independence is driving.
However, the letter says that DVLA and her insurance company need to be informed of medical condition and she needs to do a fit to drive test. Until then it is advised she shouldn't drive.
This has caused the biggest reaction ever and mum is insisting that she will continue driving regardless and has been - "only locally" to quote mum!
We have tried to explain the situation but have been met with an emotional response.
Knowing what we know, should we inform DVLA and the insurance company? Mum has already accused us of betraying her, and conspiring against her (though we're not sure what we've done).
Any advice much appreciated - we know what is the right thing to do, but, we know it will cause such serious upset . Thank you

It's a tough decision to have to make and you wouldn't be very popular if you went ahead and did this - bit my preference would be to report your relative to his insurance compoany, the DVLA and also the local police. Whilst it may be a difficult decision for your relative to accept, you have to consider not only your relative's ability to drive safely but also the safety of other drivers and also any pedestrians were he to be involved in a motor accident. And if possible, refuse also to get in the car with him if he insists on driving anywhere.

 

[Fugs]

There are other ways to disable the car, other than just hiding the keys. Disconnecting the battery will mean it won't start, for example. Just a thought.

 

[CAL Y]

@Chunky12 . Far from being banal your query is a serious matter. I have a friend who’s grandmother was killed by a driver who had Alzheimer’s.

My late husband thought he was ok, having been a highly trained police driver but one day, at the end of a fifty mile drive with no problems at all
he performed a very dangerous manoeuvre in town centre rush hour traffic and there was nothing I could do to stop him.
The very next day I cut up his license and sent it back to the DVLA then, very craftily set about convincing him that it had been his idea. Don’t ask me how but it worked and he was then quite proud to tell people about his decision to stop driving.
Obviously this isn’t going to work with everyone but anything is worth a try.
Perhaps you can try to persuade your mum of the convenience of taxis if she only wants to drive locally and mention the difference between that and the cost of keeping a car.
Good luck.

 

[Chunky12]

Just to say thank you all for taking the time to write your replies. Everything you've all said is familiar from the response from mum, the how do we convince her she's thought of it and the consequence of allowing her to drive when we know she really shouldn't be. The saddest of all comments being that someone was killed by someone with Alzeheimers who continued to drive ... and that's what my brother and I couldn't live with.
Thank you all for advising and sharing - we're seeing her tomorrow and the dementia key worker tomorrow afternoon.
Thank you

 

[fifty1]

This seems quite banal compared to other posts I've read and hoping this is the right forum to post ...
Our mum has recently had a letter following an assessment, giving the diagnosis of Alzheimer's.
This came as no surprise to the family who have known for a while that the mum we used to know what changing ...
she is still fiercely independent and we wouldn't want to stop that in any way.
One way she maintains this independence is driving.
However, the letter says that DVLA and her insurance company need to be informed of medical condition and she needs to do a fit to drive test. Until then it is advised she shouldn't drive.
This has caused the biggest reaction ever and mum is insisting that she will continue driving regardless and has been - "only locally" to quote mum!
We have tried to explain the situation but have been met with an emotional response.
Knowing what we know, should we inform DVLA and the insurance company? Mum has already accused us of betraying her, and conspiring against her (though we're not sure what we've done).
Any advice much appreciated - we know what is the right thing to do, but, we know it will cause such serious upset . Thank you

Hi. I am so with you on this. While as yet not formally diagnosed, my husband has memory issues and clearly now struggles with driving. So often forgetting to change gear or not cancelling the indicator. As he loves driving, it's the fear of stopping that prevents him from going to the doctor.
I often feel unsafe when in the car with him and he gets angry if I prompt him to change gear.
It would be better if the doctor could inform DVLA, then your mum can't blame you. The danger is it will take an accident to progress your situation and then insurance would be invalid. I wish you well. X

 

[Banjomansmate]

@fifty1 you cannot continue to go in the car with your husband if you believe his driving to be dangerous. Even just wrongly indicating can cause an accident. If he will not go to see his GP for a diagnosis maybe you can convince the GP to call him in for a “Well man” appointmen, pointing out in advance that you are concerned about his driving ability.
If that doesn’t work then contact DVLA yourself. You would never forgive yourself if he had an accident and killed somebody (which could be himself or you!).

 

[RNcaregiver]

Hi @Chunky12. I went though the same thing with my mom. I really wanted her to keep her independence for as long as she could. The day I called her randomly and she had been stopped by the police and said, “they told me I was swerving” I knew it was time to stop driving. Even though she hadn’t had issues with getting lost (that I knew of), it was a big anxiety producer for me, as I lived four hours away.

The hardest part about making these decisions is that you cannot really reason w/ a PWD. They no longer can think rational and it’s really up to us to make those decisions for them, unfortunately. Once I became ok with that and basically decided i’m now like her ”parent” it became easier to make those decisions.

I drove my mom’s car to my house when I went to pick her up to check in the care home. She had no idea she would not be driving again. She’s been at the care home for about a month now and asks for her car most days. I just tell her it’s still parked at my house (it is) and I move on to the next thing. She asks to drive but doesn’t even know where she is most days so it’s not that big of an issue.

 

[RedLeanne]

I realise this post is a couple of months old but my advice would be to tell the DVLA and if you have any concerns about their driving, tell your loved one the DVLA say they aren't allowed to drive until they get a letter of permission from DVLA ( which hopefully they won't). My mum in laws car had a new scuff or scrape each time we saw it which she could never explain. One day her neighbour called to say she had reversed off the drive but was sat in the car in the middle of the road and had seemingly forgotten how to put it in gear. They tried to persuade her not to drive but she worked it out and drove off. They were so worried they reported her to the police. They 'found' her on her way home. She was driving with a flat tyre and her boot open! Police hid her keys and I removed them. Whilst my husband took her shopping the police called and informed me her licence had actually been revoked 6 months earlier as she had failed to provide authority for gp to give her medical information to them. I then searched through her drawer and found the letter from the DVLA opened. She had either not understood it or chose to ignore it. We have now taken the car and she has accepted it. It is hard because they are adults but don't have the capacity to realise there is a problem. You do therefore almost have to assume the role of parent and make the decision they would make if this awful illness was not affecting them.

 

[Pearlybobs]

Hello, I know how you feel. My Mum had a diagnosis in May and we notified DVLA, we have had no response yet (although my Mum has hidden post before now).

 

[RedLeanne]

Hello, I know how you feel. My Mum had a diagnosis in May and we notified DVLA, we have had no response yet (although my Mum has hidden post before now).

I think my mum in law didn't sign the authority letter to allow her gp to divulge info. We were glad her licence was revoked but she was driving 6 months before we knew.

 

[JAYBEN]

Maybe a bit late but when my husband was diagnosed in June , we asked the consultant if it was ok for my husband to still drive . He said he had no issues with him driving but that we did by law have to tell the dvla and they would then contact the consultant to verify that it was ok . We were also told to inform our insurance company . My husband phoned the dvla who said they would send a form out for us to complete and that once they had it back they would contact the doctor for confirmation. This did take a few weeks before the consultant replied to them but in the meantime my husband was allowed to carry on as usual . We then later got a letter from the dvla stating that they were happy that my husband was still classed as safe to drive and that his license would remain as is until it was due for renewal . As my husband is 70 next year and under the new laws has to reapply then anyway nothing has changed .3 months before his birthday we should receive a renewal form , which will either have to be reconfirmed by a doctor or the dvla will send him for an assessment . Apparently this is not like a driving test and they will then decide whether to extend his license for either 1 year or 3 years or cancel it all together . As for the Car Insurance we actually went online to ours and it said that if we had been informed that he could still drive by a doctor then they didnt need to be informed , only if the DVLA made a change to his license which they havent . I cant say all insurance Companies will be the same as I know they arent but you are obliged by law to notify them .

 

[fozziehere]

Hi @Chunky12 , it's certainly not a banal questions and all questions represent things many of us have to manage at some time.

I had a bit of fortune that mum's dementia decline started prior to covid to the point where she was unsafe to drive.

Covid came, she stopped going out, her car battery ran out of juice and I arranged for the sale of the car as a result ... "the only way for it to work is for it to go to the garage, and they advised to sell it". A little white lie.

She wasn't happy and occasionally has a bit of a rant about it. She was unsafe. For her safety and my own mental wellbeing it was the right choice.

Hope that helps in some way.