Refusing to shower

[watchful7]

My wife with moderate AD started doing it about 4 months ago. But, until 2 weeks ago, I could just keep on asking/telling her to take a shower and it worked. Now, for the past 14 days, I cannot coerce, coax, or cajole her into showering. My big concern is UTI's- I have to change her underwear while she's in the shower; I don't care about the other clothes too much, I've had an old friend of hers visit this morning and between the 2 of us, we spent over 3 hours attempting to get my wife to shower, if not that, change clothes if, not that, change underwear. Nothing ! we even tried a Xanax pill and waited 1/2 hour for it take effect; I might as well have given a piece of candy.

my concern is really that at least 1 care facility has said that if she refuses to get undressed , take a shower, and change her clothes, and she resists, they may require that she go to a special place where they would treat her with antipsychotics. I don't want my wife turned into a zombie- that will happen by itself with the AD.

 

[angecmc]

Hi Watchful7, so sorry to hear about your wife, my Mum was the same for a while, she is now in permanent care, but I remember my Dad calling me round to try and coerce Mum to take a shower, it was really hard. She became very aggressive. Eventually our GP put her on respiridone, that did calm her and she was not like a zombie she is still on it at the care home and showers every other day, I think if she was not on this tablet she would revert to being uncooperative. I have no ideas to help but wanted to reply as I saw you had not had one, hopefully someone may be able to help you with this problem. Take care

Ange

 

[moonshadow]

My wife with moderate AD started doing it about 4 months ago. But, until 2 weeks ago, I could just keep on asking/telling her to take a shower and it worked. Now, for the past 14 days, I cannot coerce, coax, or cajole her into showering. My big concern is UTI's- I have to change her underwear while she's in the shower; I don't care about the other clothes too much, I've had an old friend of hers visit this morning and between the 2 of us, we spent over 3 hours attempting to get my wife to shower, if not that, change clothes if, not that, change underwear. Nothing ! we even tried a Xanax pill and waited 1/2 hour for it take effect; I might as well have given a piece of candy.

my concern is really that at least 1 care facility has said that if she refuses to get undressed , take a shower, and change her clothes, and she resists, they may require that she go to a special place where they would treat her with antipsychotics. I don't want my wife turned into a zombie- that will happen by itself with the AD.

Taking a shower seems a nightmare for dementia patients. We had the same problem with mum, now 82. What we found out is that: we sit her on the toilet - top closed- or a plastic chair, plastic sandals on her feet to avoid slipping. We wash her carefully, quick and soft speaking with a wet soft sponge - lukewarm water/showersoap. She still shouts "snow!" or "ice cold!" but her resistance is not that big as it used to be. We clean upper body starting with the arms. We remove the soap with another sponge soaked only with water. Then we have her standing and do the rest but we use the shower spray to remove the soap.

Once a week we wash her hair again on the plastic chair. we start with the hair and work quickly with the body. My brother holds a dry towel to dry off if water drops fall on her face (another nightmare for her).

We found out the more often we did it, the more she got used to it. Sometimes she even says "thank you!"

Washing face in the morning: I do it with a soaked and drained towel. and wipe dry afterwards.

You must work quick and determined. I keep telling her "bathing and eating I don't negotiate." She doesn't recognize me as her daughter.


However this is a procedure you cannot do alone. You'd need somebody to help you - mostly to hold her upright and keep her hands from grabbing around like an octopus.

good luck

 

[Eternity]

Hi Watchful7

I'm not sure if this helps,but the only way I've been able to deal with my mum and washing is that I wash my mum almost on a rota of body part bits at the washbasin with a flannel while she sits on a chair

One day I do neck to waist & the next waist to knees, Knees to toes done in her armchairs which is the only time she doesn't object to getting wet. So over about 4 days everywhere is clean, then start again.

As Moonshawdow says, I too have to be really quick and dry asap and cover her. I constantly say "I'm going as fast as I can, I'll be done in a minute".

I think my mum had both become terrified of the shower/bath and also felt she didn't need to wash when asked. Now I don't ask, just say we are going to wash when she is already in the bathroom

It is a really hard one, I do remember the first time she refused to wash for nearly 2 weeks I was horrified at the thought as she always used to bathe daily. I do completely understand how frustrating it is for you as you are trying to find a solution that will help/protect your wife.


sorry if I've gone into too much detail. I hope you are able to find a solution that works

 

[Tigers15]

Unfortunately this is part and parcel of this dreadful disease. The staff at the nursing home have to almost use a tin opener to get dad out of his room (metaphorically speaking of course). He always says he will shower later and the more anyone tries to persuade him the more he insists 'not now'. To continue to try to coerce him makes him angry.

He did always used to shave everyday, but this has now gone by the board. Occasionally the staff will succeed in getting my dad to agree to a shower, but it isn't very often. Dad will notice himself after 2/3 days that he should have a shave.

I never know whether I will be visiting an unkempt man or the gentleman that is washed and shaved. I just have to recognise it as the illness.

He still beats me at crib!!!!

 

[Derek D]

Derek D

My 75 year old friend is also averse to washing. His family think he may not like water on himself and this seemed confirmed on several visits to the hairdresser recently. He always cried out against the girl wetting his hair with a spray first.

We have carers coming in in the morning and evening. They try to persuade him to wash, but he is very obstinate, refusing to believe that sometimes he stinks to high Heaven! They say that they can't physically force him into a bath and that if the family can't persuade him why should we expect them to be more successful! When he does have a bath, he is in and out in very short order.

I wish I could offer some advice to help you. I wish someone could help us!

 

[CeliaW]

Mum had, thankfully, a very short episode of not being able to manage to wash and wouldn't let the carers wash her and complained bitterly of getting too wet. I got round this by giving them baby wipes that either she or they used which removed the apparent issue of wetness on her. She ended back with normal flannel and wash because I gave her a "proper" flannel just for her face a few times and it progressed from there. She isn't happy being in a bath but I think that was also a fear of getting in and out. We had a small problem with the wipes being disposable so we had to rinse them to use again then bin them later when she didn't realise..

Hope this idea might be helpful for others.

Sent from my GT-I8160 using Talking Point mobile app

 

[LYN T]

My Husband wouldn't take a shower as he was frightened of the sound of running water. Then he became unable to get in/out of the bath.An OT came round and said she would get a bath seat installed-this all took about 2 monthsDuring this time my husband had a bath twice. The first time he couldn't stand up to get out; I had to take off my slippers/socks and get in the bath and drag him up.(not recommended as I hurt my back.) The second time I haD to call an ambulance and the lovely paramedics lifted him out. It was they who got a boot up the OT and chased the equipment.

The only suggestion I can give you is if your wife wont change her undies could you slip a panty liner inside her pants-at least that can be changed on a daily basis.I feel very sorry for you but the good idea of washing her in stages over 4 days or so may just work.

Take care Lyn T

 

[Vesnina]

many thanks

Many thanks for all the comments and suggestions - I feel much better now.

My mother started postponing bath/shower after she became weak, and I did not think on A.
We always had to wait for her good enough days, but, once in the tub, she would enjoy the shower very much.
Regular problem was the temperature of the water - acceptable range is very very narrow, maybe one degree Celsius.

Recently she has been very weak and afraid to fall in the tub.
She is small and light and I cannot carry her, but do help her into tub if she can stand, and she has a seat and a hand-hold.
I am ready to change the tub for a better type, but still do not find the good solution:
some people suggest me showers, but I do not believe that would be any better.

I tried to construct some kind of alpinist belt to keep her upright in the tub,
but still have no idea of how to protect her gentle skin from the belt strong enough.

Somehow I believe in running water, especially in lower parts of her body, and hair,
and look for better solutions.


Month after month, I put new hand-holds etc. and tried to adapt her space for her,
but soon these are not necessary any more, and this makes me sad.

 

[tiggs72]

My wife with moderate AD started doing it about 4 months ago. But, until 2 weeks ago, I could just keep on asking/telling her to take a shower and it worked. Now, for the past 14 days, I cannot coerce, coax, or cajole her into showering. My big concern is UTI's- I have to change her underwear while she's in the shower; I don't care about the other clothes too much, I've had an old friend of hers visit this morning and between the 2 of us, we spent over 3 hours attempting to get my wife to shower, if not that, change clothes if, not that, change underwear. Nothing ! we even tried a Xanax pill and waited 1/2 hour for it take effect; I might as well have given a piece of candy.

my concern is really that at least 1 care facility has said that if she refuses to get undressed , take a shower, and change her clothes, and she resists, they may require that she go to a special place where they would treat her with antipsychotics. I don't want my wife turned into a zombie- that will happen by itself with the AD.

Hi

My dad is at the moderate stage and kept saying he had showered when he obviously hadn't ! It was awful he developed an awful smell etc and neither the carers or I could do anything . However my best mate started visiting with her baby (she's v v bossy!) and started by convincing him to change his clothes and giving them to her to take away and wash. Not sure if it is now just a routine or kick started something but he has suddenly started showering again!!!!

This is a weird disease - one minute he can't do something and then just as I'm at my wits end he changes again! I also had his heart medication reviews and thru stopped some tablets as thru were making him wobbly!

Anyway see if you can get someone else to help - he never listens to me but will do anything my friend asks !!!

T x

 

[ashleypollock]

My greatgrandfather once refused to get into bed with my greatgrandma and to get a shower and I just told him the shower will refresh you and make you calm and that nanny loves you and it is ok and he got in just guide them


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point mobile app
Ashley

 

[Sandra8]

My mum now hates water anywhere near her, quite common I'm told. I use Tenna 3 in 1 wash cream. It's brilliant, smells lovely, cleanses, moisturises and doesn't need rinsing off. I use it when I change her, with gloves, she doesn't like it but it is over in a flash. I then use it on her arms and legs as a massage and she enjoys this

 

[bucko37]

the shower thing

My mum now hates water anywhere near her, quite common I'm told. I use Tenna 3 in 1 wash cream. It's brilliant, smells lovely, cleanses, moisturises and doesn't need rinsing off. I use it when I change her, with gloves, she doesn't like it but it is over in a flash. I then use it on her arms and legs as a massage and she enjoys this

i never thought that my husband would ever get to the point of not having a shower i have not had any bad smells from him but he will go in the shower once a week then he washes all over the other days. the Tenna 3 in1 sounds a good idea will i put in o.n my shopping list.