You’re in the early days of grief and it’s going to take time so be kind and gentle with yourself. I think how well you process and come to terms with the sad loss of your Mum depends on the quality of support you receive from others. I guess the fact you’re posting on here suggests you have a limited or no support network and it can feel really lonely and desolate to be in this position. If you can afford it I’d advice seeking professional counselling. I know some people have tried cruise but their waiting lists are often lengthy.