My Mum and my Dad both died from Dementia. I would phone Mum's Care Home every day to speak to her. When she passed away, the staff and managers there did not even think to call or email me, to tell me she had died and when the funeral would be. I found that appalling. I would of course have attended. I loved Mum more than I can say. I believe that Care Homkes shopuld be better regulated. Thanks for listening. Neville
Poor treatment of people with Dementia
- Thread starter Jzzguitar67
- Start date
Hello @Jzzguitar67 welcome but sorry for your loss. I hope that you are getting support from friends and family at this difficult time. It tends to be standard practice for care homes to contact just one nominated relative/next of kin/power of attorney so they may have contacted another family member and the message wasn't passed on to you, but perhaps have a chat with the care home manager to find out more if it would help.
Hi Neville. I have only just joined the forum and came upon your post. So not sure if you are accessing your post now. But i will reply anyway...
I was so sad to hear of your experiences. I Feel Care Homes should contact all family members upon the death of a relative, not just principle carers. Sadly Not all principal carers contact all relevant relatives. This leaves some relatives out on a limb. My brothers kept me in the dark around many areas of mums care. They placed her in a home without hers, nor my consent. I was wanting to look after her in her own home. The Care Home destroyed her.
I found out my brothers did not hold LPA over mum, yet they told the Care Home that they held LPA. So staff refused to involve me in mums care plans/placements etc saying I was not mums next of kin. One Nurse was extremely aggressive towards me saying she would only speak to my brothers.
It was awful, as the placement was not good for mum. I found this out too late and mum died before I could fully prevent many areas of worrying practice.
I do feel the system needs to change on many levels. I feel we do need to feel confident to express concerns. If we dont nothing changes, and vulnerable adults get hurt.
I feel out of respect, they should have emailed you. My mums Care Home never emailed me. Never replied to my emails. Sadly some people do behave badly. Humans are humans. There are good and bad in all areas of life. We need to be open about that. We have a bad habit of running away from problems. Pretending they do not exist. Sadly they do exist.
It must be so hard not to have gone to your mums funeral. If that was related to the Care Home that would have been cause for a complaint to the Home/CQC/SS. If it was due to a relative holding information back, then that too is awful. But I have heard of many relatives behaving badly. Thats tough when its related to your parent.
Perhaps holding your own funeral for your mum will help you to say goodbye. I would like to feel our souls never leave our hearts. So we can all hold our own funerals wherever we are in the world. We can plant trees/flowers/write poems/ go to our parents favourite places. Visit their grave/ashes. Keep your loved one in your heart. Noone can take that from you. Ever.
I hope you found out the truth. I hope people were accountable.
To lose a parent is bad enough. To not know they have died is unforgivable. Sending you my best wishes. I hope you are doing ok.
I was so sad to hear of your experiences. I Feel Care Homes should contact all family members upon the death of a relative, not just principle carers. Sadly Not all principal carers contact all relevant relatives. This leaves some relatives out on a limb. My brothers kept me in the dark around many areas of mums care. They placed her in a home without hers, nor my consent. I was wanting to look after her in her own home. The Care Home destroyed her.
I found out my brothers did not hold LPA over mum, yet they told the Care Home that they held LPA. So staff refused to involve me in mums care plans/placements etc saying I was not mums next of kin. One Nurse was extremely aggressive towards me saying she would only speak to my brothers.
It was awful, as the placement was not good for mum. I found this out too late and mum died before I could fully prevent many areas of worrying practice.
I do feel the system needs to change on many levels. I feel we do need to feel confident to express concerns. If we dont nothing changes, and vulnerable adults get hurt.
I feel out of respect, they should have emailed you. My mums Care Home never emailed me. Never replied to my emails. Sadly some people do behave badly. Humans are humans. There are good and bad in all areas of life. We need to be open about that. We have a bad habit of running away from problems. Pretending they do not exist. Sadly they do exist.
It must be so hard not to have gone to your mums funeral. If that was related to the Care Home that would have been cause for a complaint to the Home/CQC/SS. If it was due to a relative holding information back, then that too is awful. But I have heard of many relatives behaving badly. Thats tough when its related to your parent.
Perhaps holding your own funeral for your mum will help you to say goodbye. I would like to feel our souls never leave our hearts. So we can all hold our own funerals wherever we are in the world. We can plant trees/flowers/write poems/ go to our parents favourite places. Visit their grave/ashes. Keep your loved one in your heart. Noone can take that from you. Ever.
I hope you found out the truth. I hope people were accountable.
To lose a parent is bad enough. To not know they have died is unforgivable. Sending you my best wishes. I hope you are doing ok.
