Not Again

[Not again]

Happy to be a part of this group.
I’m caring for my 74 yr old, late stage Alzheimer’s husband.
I have researched the progression of this disease and know generally what to expect.
Here is my unsettling frustration and I need a bit of a rant!
We have been married for 54 years with 4 grown children. Our marriage was full of love and commitment. Then 13 yrs ago my husband began to exhibit personality changes… short tempered, withdrawn, making horrible financial decisions, etc.
By chance I found out he was having an affair with one of his student’s mothers. The affair was short lived. He lost his job over it. Our children were all brought into the loop.
It was the most horrible “ death” I have ever experienced. We got help and I stayed in the marriage. But, my love for him died.! I choose to love him for the 40 good years but it is so hard now, especially since he has Alzheimer’s and needs constant care.
The general opinion now is his behavior, that ended in an affair, may very well have been the onset of Alzheimer’s. I now have to live with those memories plus be his caregiver for the rest of his life. I’m angry so often. It’s hard to be loving and compassionate.
Has anyone ever had this situation happen to them?

 

[Grannie G]

Welcome @Not again

I lived with the personality changes but thankfully not an affair. Even so, there were many times my husband went walkabout searching for his `real wife` which is not as bad but still upsetting.

Two things saw me through. One was, for better or worse, even though we married in a registry office and did not make those vows. The other was it could have been me with dementia and not my husband. And of course, this forum was the best support ever.

I had a fractured relationship with my mother and was unable to give her the love she needed. I arranged residential care for her, probably well before it was absolutely necessary. Do you think this might be a solution for your husband`s care?