Hello...i am the daughter of a 93 year old mother with dementia. We very recently lost my dad (just a couple days ago). They were married over 70 years. She is struggling with the loss and i have read many suggestions on how to be the best help and get her through this but i am seeing the dementia symptoms worsen. Should i be concerned? thank you
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- Thread starter SheriR
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Hello @SheriR , I’m sorry to hear about your dad , it must be so hard for all of you right now. I’m not surprised your mum is struggling, she will be grieving but also not understanding fully what has happened and this will impact on the dementia. Keep an eye on her general health as well, especially look out for UTIs that can also impact cognitive changes. Come back here with as many questions as you need .
Hello and sorry about dad too specially as it's so recent, I lost my wife end of last year and I'm still trying to adjust to living alone, it isn't easy ant I'm nearly 25 years younger than your mum.
Can I ask does she live alone, in a care home is there a care package in place, just a bit of background that's all might help with replies.
Grief is a much underrated part of the problem, I'm big and grown up enough to admit that going on alone isn't what I planned or was mentally prepared for, somehow I just expected to go first. Take care. K
Can I ask does she live alone, in a care home is there a care package in place, just a bit of background that's all might help with replies.
Grief is a much underrated part of the problem, I'm big and grown up enough to admit that going on alone isn't what I planned or was mentally prepared for, somehow I just expected to go first. Take care. K
Hi SheriR, i agree with other replies. Stress can make dementia symptoms worse. Often people going back home, after being in a bad care home, can suddenly show a decrease in dementia symptoms as stress levels reduce. So the same would apply the other way round with increase in stress. Losing a partner/spouse after 70yrs is huge beyond understanding. She will feel she has lost half of herself. Someone once told me they felt they had lost their right arm after a bereavement. The physical pain attached to grief was huge. So it must be incredibly disorientating for your mum. Give her lots of hugs.
My mum slept in her bed with heavy blankets on my dads side. She said she couldnt sleep without him being next to her. So the blankets helped with the physical change, as well as the emotional changes. We forget how they miss touch, breathing sounds, warmth. You can get sound recordings of white noise to help with sleep. Some of these have breathing sounds which can be really calming. Water bottles, snuggle blankets, can all help to keep a person calm. If she gets a good night sleep that can help her during the daytime hours.
Music, poems, radio programmes can all help calm relatives after a bereavement. Some essential/aromatherapy oils can help with relaxation. Lavender is suppose to be good. I bought one of those scented neck pillows made from beans that can be put in the microwave to warm up. But be careful to wrap it in a blanket if you got one, as older skin is very tender to direct heat. Gentle warmth is very soothing. But bean neck pillows can ease tension in the neck and shoulders.
Weighted blankets can also help to calm anxieties in loads of people. They settle nerves and give a feeling of being close to someone.
For some people the worse part after grief is not having that touch anymore. So even having one of those really soft faux fur throws, cushion covers are wonderful to have on a persons knee, so they can touch it whilst they are sitting.
You could think about what your mum misses the most and think of something that can provide a similar feeling.
Talk about your dad. Bring out photos. Have lots of hugs if she feels they help. Holding hands. Just sitting and being quiet together. This will all help with her anxiety and stress. 70yrs is a lifetime. How amazing and so rare. You are both right at the start of grief. So much to have to cope with, do, organise etc so be kind to yourselves. You must both miss your dad so very much. X
My mum slept in her bed with heavy blankets on my dads side. She said she couldnt sleep without him being next to her. So the blankets helped with the physical change, as well as the emotional changes. We forget how they miss touch, breathing sounds, warmth. You can get sound recordings of white noise to help with sleep. Some of these have breathing sounds which can be really calming. Water bottles, snuggle blankets, can all help to keep a person calm. If she gets a good night sleep that can help her during the daytime hours.
Music, poems, radio programmes can all help calm relatives after a bereavement. Some essential/aromatherapy oils can help with relaxation. Lavender is suppose to be good. I bought one of those scented neck pillows made from beans that can be put in the microwave to warm up. But be careful to wrap it in a blanket if you got one, as older skin is very tender to direct heat. Gentle warmth is very soothing. But bean neck pillows can ease tension in the neck and shoulders.
Weighted blankets can also help to calm anxieties in loads of people. They settle nerves and give a feeling of being close to someone.
For some people the worse part after grief is not having that touch anymore. So even having one of those really soft faux fur throws, cushion covers are wonderful to have on a persons knee, so they can touch it whilst they are sitting.
You could think about what your mum misses the most and think of something that can provide a similar feeling.
Talk about your dad. Bring out photos. Have lots of hugs if she feels they help. Holding hands. Just sitting and being quiet together. This will all help with her anxiety and stress. 70yrs is a lifetime. How amazing and so rare. You are both right at the start of grief. So much to have to cope with, do, organise etc so be kind to yourselves. You must both miss your dad so very much. X
Sometimes a spouse is "covering" for a person with dementia and hiding their symptoms so that when they die the dementia symptoms in the surviving spouse suddenly become much more apparent.
I also find myself wondering whether grief can progress dementia, much in the same way that infections and operations do. Certainly in OHs case, his symptoms became much more pronounced after his mum died
I also find myself wondering whether grief can progress dementia, much in the same way that infections and operations do. Certainly in OHs case, his symptoms became much more pronounced after his mum died
Thank you for your reply. I guess im in need of support for myself too. I live with my mom and am the sole caretaker of both so im trying to be prepared for navigating the rough waters that i know are coming. The dementia is short term memory issues but it has escalated so much which i guess is expected considering the grief she must be feeling but has me very concerned.
This forum is wonderful for ideas and support. We are all different and have unique experiences. But sharing ideas hopefully will help you find ones that work for you. You are doing a seriously important, yet an emotionally challenging role. Never forget to look after yourself. Pat yourself on your back, and hopefully strategies that help your mum also help you indirectly, if they help to keep her calmer.
You have both suffered a huge loss. Even if you need to simply talk about your day, just chat. We will all listen. Xxxx
You have both suffered a huge loss. Even if you need to simply talk about your day, just chat. We will all listen. Xxxx
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