New User here!

[katew]

Hi all
I'm Kate. I'm 53 and live in Bath. My mother, who lives about 12 miles away, has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. She has been showing symptoms for about 15 months, but we now have an official diagnosis.

She lives at home with my Dad, who is 81 (mum is 79), but he finds it quite difficult to cope at times so my husband and I visit regularly to give him a break. As my husband has recently had major heart surgery and I have fibromyalgia, this isn't easy, but we manage!

My sister also visits weekly and takes mum out to give my dad another break.

Looking forward to chatting to you all!

 

[Necion]

Hi Kate, nice to meet you, and a warm welcome to TP. It is so sad we all find ourselves here, but it's a wonderful new family to share things with, and take advice from.
Lots of love, Necion. xx

 

[lin1]

Hello Welcome from me, tho im sad of your need to come here.

Ive found TP invaluable, kept me sane , lots of helpful advice and support from people who understand. Good place to have a rant when needed too

There are many threads on here, one I recommend is A life in the day of by Grannie g (Sylvia) its a lot of reading but well worth it.

It is hard looking after someone, those breaks you and your sister are giving your dad are so important , tho I see both you and your husband have your own health problems

Does mum n dad have any other help coming in or a day centre.

 

[katew]

Thanks for the welcome!

Lin1, my dad has been looking into the possibility of getting a 'sitter' in, but he's very proud and I think he feels as if he'd be 'farming her out'. We're trying to encourage him to get someone - paying them isn't a problem for him, but he's just one of those people who like to soldier on alone! He's very fit for his age, but it's very mentally draining and you can see it's heartbreaking for him to see his much loved wife in this state. All we can do at the moment is visit as often as possible, and take mum out to give him a break. My husband and I (I sound like the queen!) are self employed, so we can be a bit flexible there.

 

[lin1]

Hi

You say paying for them isnt a problem,
has mum had an assessment including a financial assessement from social services , this is savings in her own name and half of any joint accounts.
The upper limit when your mum would be self funding is 23k .
Its a sliding scale between 16-23 k. I dont think these amounts have changed .
If your mum is not known to Adult social services, it would be a good idea to contact them , you or dad can contact can do this ,

I think a sitter or a day centre would help your dad a lot .
There is also respite care where mum would go away for a week .

It would also be good to contact your local branch of the Alzheimer society and Age uk (formally age concern )they know whats available in your area

With your dad you may have to chip away gently, for him to accept some help, as mums main carer he does need regular breaks at the very least ,

My dad was like that , thought he could and should do everything ,he thinks differently now

 

[katew]

Thanks Lin. I've contacted Age UK and my Dad has contacted a local carers' charity. As you say, I think it's just a matter of chipping away at him until he gives in and gets more help.

I have another sister and brother - the sister's in New Zealand, and comes to visit when she can, but obviously it's pretty expensive for her. I email her regularly to keep her up to date. My brother shows very little interest, so we've pretty much given up on him. He lives in Mexico.