New to this that's for sure

[Tavy]

Hi all.
After 60 years of being married to my child-hood sweetheart life has hit the skids.
My wife has been diagnosed with Vascular dementia, the meeting took 20 minutes where we told of the diagnoses together with a host of other information, the worst being, STOP DRIVING.
Since this meeting 6 weeks ago we have heard nothing other than her blood tests, so that's it then I'll just wait until the brown stuff hits the osculator.
I knew something was in the pipeline has over two years ago her attitude started to change, this was the girl who never said boo to the goose and then she argues over most things and has the compulsion to be for ever cleaning the house, is this all normal?
I am learning but its bl**dy hard.
Sorry to hark on a bit and I wish you all, carers and sufferers, well.

 

[Mumlikesflowers]

Lol I was looking up what the hell an osculator is. Now I realise you were trying to avoid using any 'rude' words.

It's true, in this dementia game, even when you have a better day or days, you're still waiting for bad stuff to flow.

Overall it is better to have a diagnosis than for it to go undiagnosed. I think it might be as much as one in three cases are undiagnosed. Initially the benefits of diagnosis may not be quick to manifest and you may still feel very much on your own with it.

I was a medication sceptic and initially we had a bad experience with it, it seemed to make our lives worse, but with medication number two I would say it's made a big positive difference.

My Mum was very resistant to community activities run by the local dementia charity so again, you can think, what help is a diagnosis. But things can change over time. And then potentially the PWD and you benefit from being connected to others through the diagnosis.

There has been a lot of trial and error in our situation - the right words to reassure someone now may not be the same ones in 6 months or a year - what upsets someone now may go and something else might come into the foreground. You can't change anything quickly and easily but sometimes you do have to try something and it's scary because it might not work. Good luck!

 

[Tavy]

Whoops, I didn't mean Osculator, (kissing) I meant to type Oscillator.
Still, I do appreciate you replying.
Hope I made someone laugh.

 

[northumbrian_k]

Hi @Tavy you did. Welcome to Dementia Support Forum which is a great place to come for support or relief. People here really understand about dementia and how it takes over not just the person but their loved ones too. Do ask questions, share experiences or let off steam here as you will find people willing to help where possible.

 

[Tavy]

Cheers mate.

Keep smiling and people wonder what you've been up to.

 

[tonebear]

Hi all.
After 60 years of being married to my child-hood sweetheart life has hit the skids.
My wife has been diagnosed with Vascular dementia, the meeting took 20 minutes where we told of the diagnoses together with a host of other information, the worst being, STOP DRIVING.
Since this meeting 6 weeks ago we have heard nothing other than her blood tests, so that's it then I'll just wait until the brown stuff hits the osculator.
I knew something was in the pipeline has over two years ago her attitude started to change, this was the girl who never said boo to the goose and then she argues over most things and has the compulsion to be for ever cleaning the house, is this all normal?
I am learning but its bl**dy hard.
Sorry to hark on a bit and I wish you all, carers and sufferers, well.

Sorry mate but yes it gets worse. The only recourse is to try and see the funny side of what she has become. Don;t argue, don't correct, try to direct the conversation ever if it's as weird as hell. And remember at all times even if she appears to be having a go at you it's not her it's the disease. My wife dusts incessantly. Also if asked by anyone else she will insist that she does all the work even though you do it all. Good luck mate and come to this site for advice, help or to rant it does help, I've been here for two very long years now.

 

[Tavy]

Sorry mate but yes it gets worse. The only recourse is to try and see the funny side of what she has become. Don;t argue, don't correct, try to direct the conversation ever if it's as weird as hell. And remember at all times even if she appears to be having a go at you it's not her it's the disease. My wife dusts incessantly. Also if asked by anyone else she will insist that she does all the work even though you do it all. Good luck mate and come to this site for advice, help or to rant it does help, I've been here for two very long years now.

 

[Tavy]

Thank you, amigo, In a very short time I have learnt that your words are so true. {also Dorset)

 

[canary]

Hello @Tavy
Yes I laughed over the brown stuff and the osculator too. Some days it feels like you are just splattered in the stuff!!

Driving is very much a flashpoint with dementia because they themselves do not realise that they have changed and in their own mind they are still doing everything just like they always have done - and that includes their driving, which in their mind is absolutely perfect!

Be economical with the truth and blame someone else when she starts going on about not driving. Blame the doctors and the DVLA, You could even be sympathetic and agree its not fair (its called using love lies on here)

 

[Chizz]

Hi all.
After 60 years of being married to my child-hood sweetheart life has hit the skids.
My wife has been diagnosed with Vascular dementia, the meeting took 20 minutes where we told of the diagnoses together with a host of other information, the worst being, STOP DRIVING.
Since this meeting 6 weeks ago we have heard nothing other than her blood tests, so that's it then I'll just wait until the brown stuff hits the osculator.
I knew something was in the pipeline has over two years ago her attitude started to change, this was the girl who never said boo to the goose and then she argues over most things and has the compulsion to be for ever cleaning the house, is this all normal?
I am learning but its bl**dy hard.
Sorry to hark on a bit and I wish you all, carers and sufferers, well.

Hi @Tavy
Welcome to this forum.
The Alz Soc website has a lot of info you can browse - some may be helpful.
If you haven't already :
- on your wife's behalf, and the basis that can still drive, apply to the Local Authority for a Blue Badge - v useful for parking in all sorts of places
- you can apply to the Local Authority for a 25% discount on your council tax - everything helps
- on your wife's behalf, if she needs help doing anything, apply to Dept for work & Pensions (DWP) for Attendance Allowance

It's common for a person with dementia (PWD) to lose interest in doing things, or become frustrated that they can't do things as they used to be able to do. Try and keep your OH doing aa much as she can for as long as she can, as there may come a time when she can't. The Local Authority Adult Social Services Dept may produce infor/booklet/etc setting out useful info, tele numbers, websites etc of charities and organisations that may be able to help or who organise groups, activities, etc that may be of interest.

Best wishes

(PS Sorry if I'm telling you things you already know.)

 

[tonebear]

There is another thing that can be hugely frustrating And that is they slow down dramatically ( i call it piglet time ) what used to take half an hour now takes an hour or more . If you try to hurry them up it takes longer. So learn to start a lot earlier and don't push because they will push back and it will take even longer. My piglet will get up at 0745 and we finally get to sit down for breakfast at 0900 so any appointments will have to be late morning at least. Just thought of something else that has started to happen with my piglet. She has started to ask me where i live and will my family wonder where i am. which is frightening when it first happens but the trick seems to be just answer the question as if it's normal, dont correct or query. By the way we have been together for 44yrs and in this house for 38yrs . Her memory of the last 40/50yrs has more or less evaporated.

 

[Tavy]

Hello @Tavy
Yes I laughed over the brown stuff and the osculator too. Some days it feels like you are just splattered in the stuff!!

Driving is very much a flashpoint with dementia because they themselves do not realise that they have changed and in their own mind they are still doing everything just like they always have done - and that includes their driving, which in their mind is absolutely perfect!

Be economical with the truth and blame someone else when she starts going on about not driving. Blame the doctors and the DVLA, You could even be sympathetic and agree its not fair (its called using love lies on here)

 

[Tavy]

Like the other comments it is all starting to ring true.
Thank you

 

[Tavy]

There is another thing that can be hugely frustrating And that is they slow down dramatically ( i call it piglet time ) what used to take half an hour now takes an hour or more . If you try to hurry them up it takes longer. So learn to start a lot earlier and don't push because they will push back and it will take even longer. My piglet will get up at 0745 and we finally get to sit down for breakfast at 0900 so any appointments will have to be late morning at least. Just thought of something else that has started to happen with my piglet. She has started to ask me where i live and will my family wonder where i am. which is frightening when it first happens but the trick seems to be just answer the question as if it's normal, dont correct or query. By the way we have been together for 44yrs and in this house for 38yrs . Her memory of the last 40/50yrs has more or less evaporated.

 

[Tavy]

Lots of love and thoughts to you my friend.