Neighbour with dementia constantly knocking on the door

[Maxxe]

My neighbour has dementia and is very sweet but completely lost. She lives alone, her daughter comes in the evening and she has carers who come for a short while in the morning and at lunchtime. She knocks on my door lost and frightened dozens of times a day and when I answer she can’t remember where she lives so I direct her back home and listen to her For a while. if I’m working and try to ignore it then she will wander off and get people passing by to knock loudly and often they demand to know what I’m thinking leaving an old woman out in the cold. Her daughter is exhausted and just tells me to ignore the knocking, but its now started at night (10,30pm last night and went on for over a hour) with her being very frightened and low. I answered the first few times, contacted her daughter who told me to ignore it - but I feel terrible leaving someone out in the cold alone and afraid. Social services, the police and her Dr are all aware of her situation but no one seems to do anything. It’s been going on for 9 months and is effecting my work. What can I do to help this situation, I really do feel for her. She is not caring for herself and smells very strongly, which means I have to clean up after her when she comes in - she recently started wiping down my kitchen tops with her used hanky! 😁

 

[northumbrian_k]

Hi @Maxxe, I am so sorry to read about your neighbour and how this is affecting you. While I understand your concern and admire your compassion, your neighbour's welfare is not your responsibility. Not answering the door when she knocks must be difficult, but unless the situation can be escalated in some way it is likely to continue or get worse.

It sounds as though your neighbour is a vulnerable person at risk of harm by her own actions. She may no longer be able to live in her own home safely and independently.

This is a matter for social services to deal with, not you. One thing to try is to report directly to social services, giving an outline of the situation and stressing vulnerability and risk. If your neighbour comes knocking, day or night, you can report this to the police using similar language. Describe what is fast becoming a crisis situation and leave it to them to sort out.

You may have to harden your heart and not respond when your neighbour knocks as that will only prolong the problem. For her sake and yours, the best thing that you can do is to keep on reporting it until (hopefully quite quickly) action is taken by the relevant authorities.

 

[Maxxe]

Hi @Maxxe, I am so sorry to read about your neighbour and how this is affecting you. While I understand your concern and admire your compassion, your neighbour's welfare is not your responsibility. Not answering the door when she knocks must be difficult, but unless the situation can be escalated in some way it is likely to continue or get worse.

It sounds as though your neighbour is a vulnerable person at risk of harm by her own actions. She may no longer be able to live in her own home safely and independently.

This is a matter for social services to deal with, not you. One thing to try is to report directly to social services, giving an outline of the situation and stressing vulnerability and risk. If your neighbour comes knocking, day or night, you can report this to the police using similar language. Describe what is fast becoming a crisis situation and leave it to them to sort out.

You may have to harden your heart and not respond when your neighbour knocks as that will only prolong the problem. For her sake and yours, the best thing that you can do is to keep on reporting it until (hopefully quite quickly) action is taken by the relevant authorities.

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. Currently I’m liaising with her daughter - I don’t want her to feel unsupported - perhaps I should tell her that I will contact SS - several neighbours have but nothing changes.

 

[nitram]

@Maxxe

It sounds as though your neighbour is a vulnerable person at risk of harm by her own actions. She may no longer be able to live in her own home safely and independently.

This is a matter for social services to deal with, not you. One thing to try is to report directly to social services, giving an outline of the situation and stressing vulnerability and risk

Agree she is a vulnerable person at risk of harm.
I would inform the local authority Adult Safeguarding.

 

[Grannie G]

Hello @Maxxe

If things are as bad as they sound, your neighbour needs even more support than her daughter.

I`m sure this is a safeguarding issue. This person is at risk and her daughter cannot expect her local community to share her responsibility.

I agree with @northumbrian_k However painful it may be, do not invite your neighbour into your home or open the door to her.

Has Adult Social Care been contacted?

Social care and support guide

If you or someone you know needs help with day-to-day living because of illness or disability, this website explains your options and where you can get support.

www.nhs.uk

 

[yoy]

I would echo previous contribtors comments. You need to speak to social services and quote the words stated above - "she is a vulnerable adult", "at risk of harm" and a "safeguarding issue" to make them see how serious the situation is. It sounds as though she may need 24 hour care now to keep her safe.

 

[canary]

My mum was doing this before she moved into her care home. She was wandering outside (usually very inadequately dressed) and knocking on random peoples doors (often during the night) because she was lost.
SS didnt want to know. They phoned her up and asked her what help she needed and when she said she was doing everything herself (she most certainly wasnt!!) they crossed her off their books I tried to get the neighbours to contact SS whenever it happened, but they were too nice and didnt do it.

Do contact SS each time and make sure you get through to Adult Safeguarding, because different departments often dont talk to each other very well. Use the phrase that she is a "vulnerable person" with dementia who is wandering, getting lost and "is at risk of coming to harm"

 

[nitram]

Use the phrase that she is a "vulnerable person" with dementia who is wandering, getting lost and "is at risk of coming to harm"

Adding 'LA have duty of case to protect vulnerable adult' won't do any harm.
Written (email will do) is much better than phone call.

 

[Rosettastone57]

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. Currently I’m liaising with her daughter - I don’t want her to feel unsupported - perhaps I should tell her that I will contact SS - several neighbours have but nothing changes.

Unfortunately nothing happens quickly in dementia world with social services. We had a similar problem with a neighbour who was both telephoning and knocking on the door. My mother in law had dementia so we were familiar with the traits, but that's another story.
So this is what we did about the neighbour, which may sound incredibly heartless but it was the only way of escalating the issue so professionals and the family took notice. Every time she knocked we wouldn't answer the door, but called police who would send a report to social services. We blocked her phone number. One night she had wandered all the way to another village and had been picked up by police. She had told them she lived with us, so they brought her back to us. We told the police we were the neighbours and refused to have her with us or help her in her own home.
They had no alternative but to call emergency social services then her family. We had had contact with her family and they often asked us to help out which we declined after they started calling us to to help out with something trivial at 10pm. Eventually the family moved her nearer to them and we never heard from them again.

 

[Duggies-girl]

I agree with @Rosettastone57 Call the police and tell them you have a lost and frightened elderly woman knocking at your door. She can't go on as she is and neither can you.

It's not heartless and it may get her the care that she needs.

 

[Maxxe]

Thank you everyone for your really supportive and useful replies - I contacted her daughter and told her that I wasn’t comfortable ignoring her plight and acknowledged how difficult it was for her and how she wants to respect her mothers wishes to not go into a home, but I would be contacting Social Services. - which I did this morning, by phone and by email - when I was on the phone I was told another member of the public was also on the phone with their colleague regarding my neighbour, so Im not alone in my concerns. Thank you all once again.

 

[Sarasa]

Hopefully things will start to be put in place. Do assure the daughter that a move into care isn’t a failure on anyone’s part specially not hers.

 

[Maxxe]

Hopefully things will start to be put in place. Do assure the daughter that a move into care isn’t a failure on anyone’s part specially not hers.

I’ve taken that approach - and I believe she will be happier. It’s come to a head this week with a safeguarding issue when a strange man smelling of alcohol was found in her house refusing to leave. Hopefully they will now find her somewhere lovely and safe to live.

 

[Sarasa]

I'm sorry to hear about the latest developments. I hope that a move into care happens sooner rather later as that seems the only way your neighbour will be safe.