Hi,
I'm new to the forum, and wondered if anyone could offer me sound advice in regard to mum who has vascular dementia, and my sibling whom is being difficult.
When dad died, Mum moved into my home to live with myself and my husband on a permanent basis as she has dementia and a speach impediment following a stroke. I care for mum 24/7.
Myself and my late father are both LPA for mum. My sibling was the replacement LPA who became an active LPA after dad's death was acknowledged by the Office of Public Guardian.
My sibling outright refused to have mum move into her home. However, since mum moved in with me, my sibling has been a complete nightmare. They have outright refused to help with any of our mum's care, they do not contribute anything emtionally, supportively or financially, they only see mum for 3 to 4 hours every 6 weeks (which I could understand if they lived out of county, however my sibling lives just 8 miles away), and they only phone mum approx every 10 days for a very brief chat.
The main issues are my sibling believes mum lacks capacity and therefore wants to control her assists and life, etc., whereas I believe mum has capacity. I have tried to explain capacity to my sibling, but they refuse to listen.
Mum contracted a chest infection after her flu and covid booster. She had the booster on a Friday and was seen by her GP and popped on medication the following Monday. Unhappy with this, my sibling reported me to social services for 'abuse of the elderly' afterwhich I had to endure 5 weeks of unannounced visits/calls from services.
If I didn't do what my sibling wanted (providing copies of Wills and copies of mum's bank statements even though their LPA hadn't been actived at the time), they sent me vulgar rants, threatening voice messages and emails, etc, threats to cause harm, kick my front door down, etc. They also posted complete lies about me on social media. It got so bad I had to block them on all social platforms including emails and text messages.
When they couldn't reach me, they turned to my friends and my husband's family, in an effort to continue their bullying.
When that didn't work they then demanded a face to face meeting to discuss mum's finances. At this meeting, as things weren't going the way they planned, my sibling threw objects at me, then physically and repeatedly assaulted me by beating me around the head and face in front of mum, leaving me with severe bruising to head, face and arms. They also pushed mum when she tried to help me. I audio recorded the meeting as I didn't trust my sibling. The assault was reported to police, twice, who ultimately took no further action due to lack of photographic evidence of the assault taking place, stating the audio tape and voice messages couldn't be used as evidence as it couldn't be determined who was actually speaking.
After the assault, I refused to allow my sibling entrance to my home, and informed them that they could see mum any time they wanted, and could contact mum any time they wanted (mum has her own mobile), but due to the assault they were not coming into my home again. Instead, they could pick mum up from the driveway. My sibling stated I was blocking them from seeing mum and reported me to the Office of Public Guardian for financial abuse of mum. I'm currently being investigated for theft. It's a complete fabrication and manipulation of the truth, but I still have to go through the process. The OPG had mum assessed for capacity. Mum told the assessing Dr that my sibling makes her very anxious and that she doesn't want them to be an attorney for her any longer. The investigation continues.
My sibling refuses to use a mediator, they refuse to be a member of our family Whatsapp forum where we discuss mum's health and issues, etc., they refuse to let me get messages to them about mum via their children or Ex-partner, and are now demanding that I contact them directly and in person to discuss any issues regarding mum, which I am nervous about due to the recent beating.
In light of their treatment towards me, and in fear of my own safety, I'm not happy to be in contact with them ever again. So my question is, because mum lives with me 24/7 am I obliged to contact my sibling directly to keep them updated on any issues relating to mum?
Any advice or information would be greatly appreciated. I'm also seeking a good solicitor to discuss options.
I'm new to the forum, and wondered if anyone could offer me sound advice in regard to mum who has vascular dementia, and my sibling whom is being difficult.
When dad died, Mum moved into my home to live with myself and my husband on a permanent basis as she has dementia and a speach impediment following a stroke. I care for mum 24/7.
Myself and my late father are both LPA for mum. My sibling was the replacement LPA who became an active LPA after dad's death was acknowledged by the Office of Public Guardian.
My sibling outright refused to have mum move into her home. However, since mum moved in with me, my sibling has been a complete nightmare. They have outright refused to help with any of our mum's care, they do not contribute anything emtionally, supportively or financially, they only see mum for 3 to 4 hours every 6 weeks (which I could understand if they lived out of county, however my sibling lives just 8 miles away), and they only phone mum approx every 10 days for a very brief chat.
The main issues are my sibling believes mum lacks capacity and therefore wants to control her assists and life, etc., whereas I believe mum has capacity. I have tried to explain capacity to my sibling, but they refuse to listen.
Mum contracted a chest infection after her flu and covid booster. She had the booster on a Friday and was seen by her GP and popped on medication the following Monday. Unhappy with this, my sibling reported me to social services for 'abuse of the elderly' afterwhich I had to endure 5 weeks of unannounced visits/calls from services.
If I didn't do what my sibling wanted (providing copies of Wills and copies of mum's bank statements even though their LPA hadn't been actived at the time), they sent me vulgar rants, threatening voice messages and emails, etc, threats to cause harm, kick my front door down, etc. They also posted complete lies about me on social media. It got so bad I had to block them on all social platforms including emails and text messages.
When they couldn't reach me, they turned to my friends and my husband's family, in an effort to continue their bullying.
When that didn't work they then demanded a face to face meeting to discuss mum's finances. At this meeting, as things weren't going the way they planned, my sibling threw objects at me, then physically and repeatedly assaulted me by beating me around the head and face in front of mum, leaving me with severe bruising to head, face and arms. They also pushed mum when she tried to help me. I audio recorded the meeting as I didn't trust my sibling. The assault was reported to police, twice, who ultimately took no further action due to lack of photographic evidence of the assault taking place, stating the audio tape and voice messages couldn't be used as evidence as it couldn't be determined who was actually speaking.
After the assault, I refused to allow my sibling entrance to my home, and informed them that they could see mum any time they wanted, and could contact mum any time they wanted (mum has her own mobile), but due to the assault they were not coming into my home again. Instead, they could pick mum up from the driveway. My sibling stated I was blocking them from seeing mum and reported me to the Office of Public Guardian for financial abuse of mum. I'm currently being investigated for theft. It's a complete fabrication and manipulation of the truth, but I still have to go through the process. The OPG had mum assessed for capacity. Mum told the assessing Dr that my sibling makes her very anxious and that she doesn't want them to be an attorney for her any longer. The investigation continues.
My sibling refuses to use a mediator, they refuse to be a member of our family Whatsapp forum where we discuss mum's health and issues, etc., they refuse to let me get messages to them about mum via their children or Ex-partner, and are now demanding that I contact them directly and in person to discuss any issues regarding mum, which I am nervous about due to the recent beating.
In light of their treatment towards me, and in fear of my own safety, I'm not happy to be in contact with them ever again. So my question is, because mum lives with me 24/7 am I obliged to contact my sibling directly to keep them updated on any issues relating to mum?
Any advice or information would be greatly appreciated. I'm also seeking a good solicitor to discuss options.
