My sister

[Angela64]

My sister has been diagnosed with lewy body dementia about 10 months ago. Her husband cares for her but he is in denial. Sometimes she doesn't recognize him.he phones me and she is screaming in the back ground that he's going to kill her.
I visit her and she is so frightened and doesn't want to live in the house with him. She has started to attack him, kicking and trying to punch him.
Her son lives with them and again she is scared of him as well. When I got there on Saturday she told me that the son had twisted her hands and I could see her fingers were swollen.
This is not the first time she has told me that they both have hurt her. They tell a different story, that they had to restrain her.
I'm not sure if she is making this up or it is true.
I have tried to get help but her husband tells the doctor all is fine.
What can I do,she's begging me to help.

 

[Shedrech]

hello Angela64
welcome to TP
what a horrible situation for you all
your sister must be very frightened when (because of the dementia) she doesn't recognise her husband and so, to her, finds herself in a house with a stranger who is trying to control her, in fact 2 strange men - every woman's nightmare
at the same time, it must be so hard for her husband to begin to come to terms with what is happening to his wife - however, it's not acceptable that your sister is being physically restrained, or that she is being aggressive and violent
might you write to her GP and outline what is happening, saying that you are letting them know as you are concerned that for your sister and that her husband isn't giving the GP all the facts - at least then the GP is fully in the picture - it may be that some meds will help to settle your sister; maybe her husband isn't aware of this and feels there is nothing that will help
you may also consider contacting her Local Authority Adult Services and letting them know, in confidence, that you are worried about your sister's situation, that she seems to now be a vulnerable adult, at risk of harm herself, and at risk of harming others
it may be that it's time to suggest to her husband that he consider looking for a care home for her; somewhere she will feel safe and he can safely visit her - though sadly it doesn't sound as though he will be receptive to suggestions to support them both
your sister is fortunate that she has you looking out for her
best wishes

 

[Lawson58]

Would it be at all possible for your sister to come and stay with you for a few days, a little holiday?

It might be easier for you to discover that way if her behaviour is such that it may be putting stress on her family. It's not unusual for family members to be in denial about their loved one's condition and it's obvious that there is tension in the home. But you are going to worry until you know that she is safe and being cared for properly.

We all know that PWD can be difficult and that they say things that they truly believe, even when we know that sometimes it might be quite wrong. Her family are still fairly new to this situation and may need your gentle and tactful support to learn how to cope with this.

If it is not possible for her to stay for a few days, could you relieve her husband and son by sitting with her, taking her out, going for walks etc.

 

[marionq]

This is one of the worst forms of dementia for hallucinations and delusions. I am amazed that her husband and son are trying to do this alone, so they must love her a lot to struggle on without help.

My husband is normally a compliant quiet person with Alzheimer's but last night he was very erratic and determined to leave the house to go back to his teenage home. I had to call a doctor and yes I had to restrain him until I could get some meds in him. This is not an easy life dealing with dementia and so every support is needed.