My mum is in a CH. Police and SS stepped in after frequent episodes of paranoia and hallucinations and wandering about at night. She was diagnosed with vascular dementia but she now seems so much better probably because she is cared for 24/7. I still feel so bad and mixed up about it all as she still wants to go home but I know she wouldn't manage. I don't live near so that makes it harder. I tried to look after her myself but it didn't work out- she said we were keeping her a prisoner! Just don't know if I'm doing the right thing or not and feel so guilty. Thought it would get better in time but I just seem to feel worse. The CH is lovely and the staff say she is settled so maybe it's just me. Is anyone else feeling the same?
MY Mum in a CH
- Thread starter Sally2
- Start date
My mother in law moved (voluntarily) into a CH just under two weeks ago. She had a couple of falls and was delusional but after two short stints in hospital, she seems much more 'with it' mentally. VaD was mentioned, but if she does have that, it's very early stages as she's pretty coherent most of the time.
However, this has meant that we have had an insight into her views on moving into permanent care.
She too would prefer to be independent and living back at home - of course she would - but only if she was as she was ten years ago, fully functioning and able to care for herself.
She no longer wants to cook, let alone do shopping; laundry, housework, personal care all became too much of a chore - she simply couldn't be bothered and as she rarely went out of the house or invited anyone other than family in, she didn't see why she should. She felt weary all the time, and was paranoid about being burgled or attacked in her home. Oh, and desperately lonely.
After the first stay in hospital she came come with a 4x a day carer package, but she confessed that she felt physically sick when she heard the key in the door, stuck in a chair and not knowing for sure who was letting themselves in to her home.
So after the second hospital stay, she agreed to try out the CH.
It's early days and she's still settling in trying to make friends but she has said, at last she feels 'looked after and safe', which is all we want to hear.
She had another fall yesterday, but was found very soon afterwards, rushed off to A&E, patched up (broken arm) and returned to the CH within 16 hours, apparently high as a kite on painkillers and joking that she'd have to give up roller-skating. I'm sure they all made a huge fuss of her in complete contrast to her previous discharges to the empty bungalow.
So don't feel guilty. You know you've made the right decision and remember, if your old mum was able to advise you, she'd be telling you you've done the right thing.
However, this has meant that we have had an insight into her views on moving into permanent care.
She too would prefer to be independent and living back at home - of course she would - but only if she was as she was ten years ago, fully functioning and able to care for herself.
She no longer wants to cook, let alone do shopping; laundry, housework, personal care all became too much of a chore - she simply couldn't be bothered and as she rarely went out of the house or invited anyone other than family in, she didn't see why she should. She felt weary all the time, and was paranoid about being burgled or attacked in her home. Oh, and desperately lonely.
After the first stay in hospital she came come with a 4x a day carer package, but she confessed that she felt physically sick when she heard the key in the door, stuck in a chair and not knowing for sure who was letting themselves in to her home.
So after the second hospital stay, she agreed to try out the CH.
It's early days and she's still settling in trying to make friends but she has said, at last she feels 'looked after and safe', which is all we want to hear.
She had another fall yesterday, but was found very soon afterwards, rushed off to A&E, patched up (broken arm) and returned to the CH within 16 hours, apparently high as a kite on painkillers and joking that she'd have to give up roller-skating. I'm sure they all made a huge fuss of her in complete contrast to her previous discharges to the empty bungalow.
So don't feel guilty. You know you've made the right decision and remember, if your old mum was able to advise you, she'd be telling you you've done the right thing.
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