My dad struggling to support my mum


New member
Feb 25, 2024
My 80 year old mum has recently been diagnosed with early stage dementia and my 85 year old dad is not coping with having to live with her change in personality.
My mum appears to have lost all empathy, care and kindness towards my dad and constantly insults him and say nasty comments aimed at him. My dad is unable to cope with the situation and he is on his knees trying to do everything he can for her to keep things calm. She is hiding things in the house, threatening to call police about behaviour she is imagining.


Registered User
Feb 18, 2017
Hello @Mairi1203 , the change in personality is so difficult to cope with, someone we know and love turns nasty for no reason. Has your dad been in touch with social services? It sounds like he could do with some support , he can ask for an assessment of your mums needs and a carers assessment for himself.


Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
A warm welcome to Dementia Support Forum @Mairi1203.
Is your dad amenable to having help in for your mum. I know a lot of spouses feel it is their duty to care for their partner even when it is having a detrimental effect on their own health. If he is, I agree your father should contact social services for a needs assessment for your mum and a carer's assessment for himself. Social Services are very stretched and if your mother would be self-funding (having savings of over £23,500) it might be worth your dad or you trying to organise your own help.
Do you have Lasting Power of Attorney for both your parents? If not I'd try to get this organised. Having LPA will make managing care for both of them easier down the line.
You might also like to look at this fact sheet and see what support is available in your area.
If your dad is trying to battle on you might need to wait till their is a crisis, either your dad or mum ending up in hospital, but I hope it doesn't come to that.


Registered User
I see you have already good advice.
One other issue is whether your Dad is getting any form of support himself, in the form of education on how dementia is affecting your mum. I suspect it would help him a great deal if he was able to talk with other carers who are going through similar experiences.
Hope this helps,