My apologies

[Margaret938]

I have just realised after reading all the replies to my posts, that I have been very insensitive, saying how nice it is to bring George home for an afternoon. Whilst reading your replies I have become very aware that are so many not so lucky as I am, albeit I know that this awful illness will prevent me doing this in possibly the not too distant future. I am so sorry that I have been so wrapped up in my own world that I failed to realise that there are so many of you who would love to do the same thing but can't. Please accept my sincere apologies for being so thoughtless.
All my love,
Margaret x

 

[Grannie G]

Absolutely no need to apologise Margaret.

We are all at different stages and I am delighted to hear some people can have home visits without ill effect. It is what I had hoped for my husband and it is not your fault it wasn`t to be.

You keep bringing George home as long as you can, I`m sure with everyone`s blessing.

 

[Izzy]

I'm sure everyone understands Margaret. I sometimes feel that about the things I post about what Bill and I do together. As Sylvia says we're all at a different stage in this journey.

 

[lilysmybabypup]

Margaret, one thing you can be sure about on TP is there will be people with a worse situation than you, and those who have a better situation. Sometimes I think I moan and groan and then read someone else's problems and chastise myself because my issues seem to pale in comparison.

My dad is well beyond coming home but I'm not in the least offended or upset that you can still bring your husband home, it's wonderful for you. We all get a little perspective in this place, so no apologies necessary.

Stephanie, xxx

 

[rajahh]

I agree we all have different circumstances but no one should be apologetic about what is going on in their lives.

I have seen threads about holidays taken with spouses, well We have not been able to have a joint holiday for over 8 years now, but I am always happy to read about others who can.

Jeannette

 

[jackwilson]

hi Margaret, I bet there isn't one person who was offended by your post, I for one was absolutely thrilled that you were able to bring George home and have a wonderful day together. seeing you so happy together brightened my day and all of us on this forum deserve a bit of happiness in our lives. keep posting your wonderful pictures I love to see the smiley faces
good on you Margaret and great to see George enjoying his day aswell
xxxx

 

[chris53]

Margaret, I was so delighted to read your news so no need to apologise to anyone, it brings a smile to many of us I admire and respect the total hard work it is for someone who has a partner with dementia,for hubby and I, we have mum and mum in law with different forms and stages of dementia and when it is more rainbows then clouds for us, boy we want to celebrate sometimes this may go on for weeks.....sometimes not....it is so lovely for anyone to share their good times as well as the bad.
Big hugs xxxxx

 

[Pross]

Heavens Margaret, I don't think anyone on TP would begrudge a moments happiness to any of our fellow TPers. It was nice of you to think of that though. But I reckon most of us get pretty wrapped up in what's going on in our own lives - dementia is such a dominant players in the lives of us all.
Go on enjoying your afternoons with your husband for as long as you can and continue to tell us about them. We need positive threads as well as ranting ones!

 

[Saffie]

Margaret, as one who commented on your thread that I would love to be able to bring my husband home, even if just the once, I feel really guilty that I may have inadvertantly made you feel that there is anything wrong with your posting about your husband's visits home. As others have said, we are all at different stages regarding our loved ones and this disease and it is indeed lovely to read of happenings which are now way beyond our wildest dreams .

Izzy's holidays are another example. A real holiday, even for myself, is out of the question for me these days but I take enormous pleasure from those of Izzy and Bill . Even their outings are lovely and I really appreciate the way Izzy allows us to feel part of their trips.

So, please don't feel inhibited in anything you write. I have particuar angst about Dave not being able to come home because he was so desperate to do so after his amputation in the acute hospital. I asked the sister, after 10 weeks, if he possibly could do so and she set it in motion. His room was all prepared downstairs but then the mental health nurses got involved and he had to go to a mental health community hospital " for a couple of weeks". He was there for nearly 6 months. However, it was all decided and, despite my pleas, he never did come home.
So the problem lies with me and my guilt and not with anyone else. So, if I made you feel uncomfortable in any way, I sincerely apologise. Please forgive me. xxx

 

[Shash7677]

Margaret please don't apologise, you've nothing to apologise for at all. We all know that we are at different points with this dreaded disease and its actually really nice for me personally to hear that your hubby is able to go with you for an afternoon.

My mum is a flight risk, has been since way before she went into her psych ward let alone her NH but that's why she was discharged into care and why dad can't take her out. I think to be honest we would be hard pushed to get mum out to be fair, she won't go further than the end of her corridor let alone down some stairs and out of a door.

This is out situation though and as I say, it's lovely that you are still able to do these things. Enjoy it and your time with hubby, I always read posts where people can go out with a smile as I think it's just so lovely that they still can.

Please don't worry and let us enjoy your happy times with you.

Sharon

 

[CollegeGirl]

I'm delighted to hear that you can bring your husband home and still have good times together, Margaret. It gives me precious hope that if and when my mam finally goes into care that we may be able to do the same.

Long may it continue

 

[jaymor]

Margaret we all live our lives differently but we all deal with dementia and truly do understand.

My husband is in a wonderful nursing home. He receives 1;1 care, there is never less than 8/9 staff on duty and there are just nine men on his floor. He goes to the supermarket, the local pub occasionally and the Manager at the pub has suggested they go for lunch too. There is a duck pond not far away and they walk there on good days. If he wants he helps wash up and dry, he can go to the laundry to help push the trolley back, he has a beautiful garden to sit in and the Manager has him for company in her office several times a week. He is never alone, always a carer to walk with him , sit and talk to him and do what he wants to do. When my husband is tired he wont put his head back on the chair so his head wobbles everywhere and he does not sleep. He was so sleepy the other day and his carer was sitting one side and our daughter was the other side. After watching him she asked me if I minded him going to sleep during our visit. Of course I did not and she moved her chair a little, put her shoulder forward and told him to put his head there. He smiled, put his head on her shoulder and went to sleep. He just needs a shoulder when he is tired she said. Now that is care, it is understanding and it is kindness. We are lucky that he receives this level of care and I can think twice about posting because so many are not getting care at this level although in a caring world they would.

We had not been able to holiday for 5 years and that was something I really missed and for the last 12 months at home, our home was not his home and I was not his wife.

Izzy is lucky to have her holidays with Bill, they both deserve them and long may they continue. You can have George home, how lovely that is and long may that last too. My husband now needs someone else better qualified to look after him but he is getting the best care possible so how lucky are we? Very lucky that's what we are.

Please keep posting because it does show those who are recently diagnosed that it is not all doom and gloom and quite a lot of normal life can go on, might be a bit different but it can be enjoyable.

Jay xx

 

[Izzy]

Oh Jay. What a beautiful and moving post. xx

 

[jeany123]

Oh Jay. What a beautiful and moving post. xx

I was just thinking the same ,

I love to hear any good news and pictures of people enjoying themselves on here It brightens up my day,
,
Jeany x

 

[Izzy]

Jeany if you want a laugh visit the new Grumble Grumble thread on the tea room. I have been awarded Grumbler of the Day. (Well I'm not likely to be slimmer of the week so you have to take what you can get!!).

 

[jeany123]

I will Izzy, Allen is wondering what I'm laughing at


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point mobile app

 

[Loopiloo]

Dear Magaret

I can only echo what everyone else has said, that you have no need whatsoever to apologise. As has been said we are all on the same road but at different milestones on it, many different sets of circumstances and situations.

I would have loved to have my husband home for visits, but I knew from the start it was never a possibility. Only a dream. Due to the practicalities of his loss of mobility and other aspects of his condition, including health issues.

It was what my heart wanted but even if it had been possible my head knew that it would have caused him more anguish than pleasure. He would never have understood why he came home only to be taken away again.

He left our home on a stretcher for hospital, I expected him to be there a few weeks but he was in hospitals for six months. I was devastated that he was not allowed to return home. During that time and for almost a year after he went into the care home, my husband suffered the most dreadful despair and anguish because he could not come home.

Even if home visits had been an option, spending some time here would have very much exasperated his dreadful anguish.

Now his dementia has considerably progressed he no longer remembers his home. This is sad for me, I miss him so much. But it is also a relief because it has ended his sufffering. He is content and that is precious to me.

Everyone's situation is different, we make the most of the better times. That is what you are doing Margaret and rightly so.

Like many here have said, I genuinely do feel happy for you that you can have George at home for visits. It is uplifting to read good things on TP, it truly is. You know this disease is progressive and things will change and you are making the very most of what is presently possible. It gives you and George pleasure and happiness and long may that continue. These are precious times for you, times to be cherished.

As others have said it also gives us pleasure to read about your good times with George, about your happiness, so please do keep writing about your times together, and sharing your lovely photos with us.

Never ever feel guilty. We can all become immersed in our respective situations and it does lighten the heart to be lifted out of it by someone else's good and happy experiences.

Thank you for sharing with us, Margaret.

Love
Loo xxx

 

[Margaret938]

Margaret, as one who commented on your thread that I would love to be able to bring my husband home, even if just the once, I feel really guilty that I may have inadvertantly made you feel that there is anything wrong with your posting about your husband's visits home. As others have said, we are all at different stages regarding our loved ones and this disease and it is indeed lovely to read of happenings which are now way beyond our wildest dreams .

Izzy's holidays are another example. A real holiday, even for myself, is out of the question for me these days but I take enormous pleasure from those of Izzy and Bill . Even their outings are lovely and I really appreciate the way Izzy allows us to feel part of their trips.

So, please don't feel inhibited in anything you write. I have particuar angst about Dave not being able to come home because he was so desperate to do so after his amputation in the acute hospital. I asked the sister, after 10 weeks, if he possibly could do so and she set it in motion. His room was all prepared downstairs but then the mental health nurses got involved and he had to go to a mental health community hospital " for a couple of weeks". He was there for nearly 6 months. However, it was all decided and, despite my pleas, he never did come home.
So the problem lies with me and my guilt and not with anyone else. So, if I made you feel uncomfortable in any way, I sincerely apologise. Please forgive me. xxx

Please don't feel guilty Saffie, you have nothing to feel guilty about, I did feel sad when I read your reply to the thread when I realised how much Dave wanted to come home and how desperately you tried to get him home. Thank you for your lovely reply.
All my love,
Margaret x

 

[Margaret938]

Margaret we all live our lives differently but we all deal with dementia and truly do understand.

My husband is in a wonderful nursing home. He receives 1;1 care, there is never less than 8/9 staff on duty and there are just nine men on his floor. He goes to the supermarket, the local pub occasionally and the Manager at the pub has suggested they go for lunch too. There is a duck pond not far away and they walk there on good days. If he wants he helps wash up and dry, he can go to the laundry to help push the trolley back, he has a beautiful garden to sit in and the Manager has him for company in her office several times a week. He is never alone, always a carer to walk with him , sit and talk to him and do what he wants to do. When my husband is tired he wont put his head back on the chair so his head wobbles everywhere and he does not sleep. He was so sleepy the other day and his carer was sitting one side and our daughter was the other side. After watching him she asked me if I minded him going to sleep during our visit. Of course I did not and she moved her chair a little, put her shoulder forward and told him to put his head there. He smiled, put his head on her shoulder and went to sleep. He just needs a shoulder when he is tired she said. Now that is care, it is understanding and it is kindness. We are lucky that he receives this level of care and I can think twice about posting because so many are not getting care at this level although in a caring world they would.

We had not been able to holiday for 5 years and that was something I really missed and for the last 12 months at home, our home was not his home and I was not his wife.

Izzy is lucky to have her holidays with Bill, they both deserve them and long may they continue. You can have George home, how lovely that is and long may that last too. My husband now needs someone else better qualified to look after him but he is getting the best care possible so how lucky are we? Very lucky that's what we are.

Please keep posting because it does show those who are recently diagnosed that it is not all doom and gloom and quite a lot of normal life can go on, might be a bit different but it can be enjoyable.

Jay xx

Dear Jay,
I am overwhelmed by the care your husband is receiving in the nursing home. In fact I hope you don't mind but I have taken a copy of it to show our CH manager, She is always trying to find something to interest George, I think the laundry idea might be good, he likes pushing trolleys and cleaning up. Thank you for this lovely reply.
Love
Margaret x

 

[Margaret938]

Thank you everyone for writing such lovely messages to me, you have no idea how much they all mean to me, you are always there to help me, there is always a shoulder to cry on, or good advice when I need it, and always lovely comments on my photos. I am so pleased to have so many friends who care about me and about George.
Love you all,
Margaret x