Mum wants her 'boyfriend' to collect her to stay with him for a holiday.

[TraceyK]

Mum (92) has told her carer that she's excited because her male friend is going to come & collect her to go & stay with him for a holiday. This is quite alarming as she hasn't seen him for around 6 years, they keep in touch by phone. I think he probably doesn't know how physically frail she is, incontinent, reluctant to bathe, middle-stage alzheimers with paranoid delusions about my son. I've got no idea of how physically & mentally fit he is. Around 4 years ago she mentioned that he'd said he had forgotten how to use the microwave, so I think it's likely he's in failing health too. I feel sad for her because she is lonely, our relationship is strained although I see her several times a day & care for her. I don't know whether to ignore it & hope it's a wishful fantasy, or talk to her about it. I think she thinks of me as her mum, & if I try to talk her out of it, she may stubbornly dig her heels in. I did think about ringing him & gently explaining that it's a bad idea, but if he then tells mum, & is mentally unwell himself, I'll have the 2 of them to deal with. What do I do if he turns up on the doorstep? It's around 4 hour drive. She is secure in her annexe & he wouldn't be able to get in without me, she is too frail to get out independently. I could ask mum if she wants him to come & stay with her for a short break, but I don't want to, to be honest. I don't know him & am quite low in mood & resentful.

 

[sdmhred]

Oh Tracey! Bless you….my thoughts …..treat it as a wishful fantasy and 🙏🙏🙏🙏 that’s the case…go with this conversation so not to cause your mum distress…..if he does turn up ..take him into yours and call the police saying a vulnerable man has turned up and clearly needs help getting home …..

Dont suggest a holiday for him at hers….sounds like you would just end up with 2 old folk to look after and he may not be even able to make it himself with the travel etc ..

 

[TraceyK]

Oh Tracey! Bless you….my thoughts …..treat it as a wishful fantasy and 🙏🙏🙏🙏 that’s the case…go with this conversation so not to cause your mum distress…..if he does turn up ..take him into yours and call the police saying a vulnerable man has turned up and clearly needs help getting home …..

Dont suggest a holiday for him at hers….sounds like you would just end up with 2 old folk to look after and he may not be even able to make it himself with the travel etc ..