Hi
I'm a new member and really it's taken me some time to finally do this, but here I am;-)
I've just returned from a visit to my parents in NI ( I live in London) and just don't know what to do. My mum was diagnosed with dementia in June 2019 which didn't come as a surprise to us as we had seen signs from 2017 onwards. She lives in her home with my dad - my brother lives 15 miles away.
Due to coronavirus I've only been able to visit twice in the past year ( once in July last year and last week). The difference in my parents has been pretty horrific. My father has gone from being a very active man ( turned 80 in March) to a stooped bedraggled man who has lost several stone weight ( alot of it is muscle). He's lost most of the use of his hands and needs help with putting his clothes on. My mum has no short term memory at all and will just spend the day asking the same series of questions constantly until something new gets stuck in her head and then the cycle begins again.
The main issue at the moment is that my mum refuses to have anyone come into the house to help support them. During my visit, a lady from Occupational Therapy came in to assess the house for any useful equipment that would help. This resulted in hours of my mum yelling and shouting in anger about her coming and that no one was going to take her out of her house. To be fair, my mum has few current mobility issues so it did feel like a bit of a wasted visit. But the lady did suggest to mum that she have someone come in to help with meal and ensure medicine is taken.
My mum has always been a fiercely private person and always hated even visitors coming to the house but anytime we suggested this during the past week, she went crazy - slamming doors etc.
But I just don't know what to do - my dad has just given up and spends around 16 hours in bed a day. He also needs looking after and has neither the ability or desire to care for mum's needs. My brother has to do most of the current help but is now starting back at work and won't be around so much.
Is there any advice regarding what we can do?
I'm a new member and really it's taken me some time to finally do this, but here I am;-)
I've just returned from a visit to my parents in NI ( I live in London) and just don't know what to do. My mum was diagnosed with dementia in June 2019 which didn't come as a surprise to us as we had seen signs from 2017 onwards. She lives in her home with my dad - my brother lives 15 miles away.
Due to coronavirus I've only been able to visit twice in the past year ( once in July last year and last week). The difference in my parents has been pretty horrific. My father has gone from being a very active man ( turned 80 in March) to a stooped bedraggled man who has lost several stone weight ( alot of it is muscle). He's lost most of the use of his hands and needs help with putting his clothes on. My mum has no short term memory at all and will just spend the day asking the same series of questions constantly until something new gets stuck in her head and then the cycle begins again.
The main issue at the moment is that my mum refuses to have anyone come into the house to help support them. During my visit, a lady from Occupational Therapy came in to assess the house for any useful equipment that would help. This resulted in hours of my mum yelling and shouting in anger about her coming and that no one was going to take her out of her house. To be fair, my mum has few current mobility issues so it did feel like a bit of a wasted visit. But the lady did suggest to mum that she have someone come in to help with meal and ensure medicine is taken.
My mum has always been a fiercely private person and always hated even visitors coming to the house but anytime we suggested this during the past week, she went crazy - slamming doors etc.
But I just don't know what to do - my dad has just given up and spends around 16 hours in bed a day. He also needs looking after and has neither the ability or desire to care for mum's needs. My brother has to do most of the current help but is now starting back at work and won't be around so much.
Is there any advice regarding what we can do?