Mum not recognising dad or home

[bun5]

My mum has Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia
She believes she’s on holiday despite having lived in her home for nearly 40 years it’s definitely now, to her, a holiday home
Last night she had a very sudden episode that we felt needed a hospital visit as we feared possible uti she wasn’t recognising dad (they’ve been married over 60 years) and today she’s been ringing me clearly distressed about this man who is not dad
I have been poorly all day and unable to visit which has been awful and I just don’t know what to say to her or how to support dad (he’s 87)
I tried saying it was dad (clearly wrong thing to say) but what do I say?
I’m feeling at a total loss
She clearly thinks we all should be together (she’s back when we were at home as a family I think) and it’s distressing her we aren’t all together

 

[MaNaAk]

My mum has Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia
She believes she’s on holiday despite having lived in her home for nearly 40 years it’s definitely now, to her, a holiday home
Last night she had a very sudden episode that we felt needed a hospital visit as we feared possible uti she wasn’t recognising dad (they’ve been married over 60 years) and today she’s been ringing me clearly distressed about this man who is not dad
I have been poorly all day and unable to visit which has been awful and I just don’t know what to say to her or how to support dad (he’s 87)
I tried saying it was dad (clearly wrong thing to say) but what do I say?
I’m feeling at a total loss
She clearly thinks we all should be together (she’s back when we were at home as a family I think) and it’s distressing her we aren’t all together

Hugs to you, your mum and especially your poor dad. I think your mum needs more care now. Does your dad have carers coming in?

MaNaAk

 

[northumbrian_k]

Hi @bun5 and welcome to Dementia Talking Point our supportive and friendly community. I am sorry to hear about your mum's distress at having a 'strange man' in her holiday home. There is not much that you can do about this. Sometimes these things ebb and flow. My Mam believed that there were 2 versions of my Dad. My wife used to ask me (K) when K would be coming back. There's no point in trying to rationalise or argue against such beliefs. The best one can do is to try out a few 'explanations' (they need not be true or even realistic) in the hope of finding one that she is willing to accept. By acknowledging what she says but at the same time avoiding dealing with it head on, you might lessen her anxiety. That would be good for everyone.

 

[Nice Debbie]

Hi @bun5 I feel your pain as my mum is the same. She thinks she's living in 'this house she doesn't like' and has been put there by others and prefers 'the other house'. There is no other house, she's lived here for 60 yrs. She also doesn't recognise me and my stepdad and 'sees' strange people in her bed, on the sofa, in the kitchen etc. It's very distressing for her. And us. We try and take her out as much as possible, but it's not easy now dad has had to give up driving. He's found that a quick walk around the block helps - she seems to have forgotten about it by the time they get back to the house. Not sure if that's possible in your case?