Mum hates the carer that she used to love. The carer has been my rock. What do I do?

Gee7

Registered User
Aug 28, 2023
73
0
This is breaking my heart. Our lovely carer went on holiday recently. Since she's come back, Mum thinks the carer is not the same. She thinks the carer is hiding things, playing mean tricks, she thinks the carer is hanging out with a gang downstairs. Things like "she was here, then I went to the loo, and she was gone". "she said to me 'I'm going - you'll never see me again' ". Mum has taken to hiding things because she thinks the carer is stealing from her, then of course we can't find those things so she thinks the care has taken them. When do do find them it's 'the carer who has hidden them'. I hate this... I spoke to the carer this morning, who was nearly in tears. She knows this is all part of the disease but she has grown so fond of my Mum. This carer has been my total rock! Of course there is no talking to or convincing my Mum. It seems to me the only course of action would be to change the carer. But then what if the same thing happen again. Just don't know what to do. This is all new. So overwhelming.
 

cymbid

Registered User
Jan 3, 2024
71
0
Changing your carer probably wont happen. You read time after time about spouses being accused of not being who they say they are or stealing /hiding.
 

Phil2020

Registered User
Oct 11, 2020
74
0
Could always try giving the carer a week (or so ) off and then bringing her back telling your mum that she's new but is a great friend of the 'previous' carer that mum liked and perhaps mum could explain everything to her ... no idea if it'll work but must be worth a go in the circumstances ...
 

Sirena

Registered User
Feb 27, 2018
2,333
0
Changing the carer is unlikely to make any difference, your mum will just transfer those feelings to her, either immediately or in due course. As a previous poster said it's common for people with dementia to accuse those closest to them, including their own relatives.

Phil's suggestion of giving the carer a break could work, it's worth trying.
 

Bod

Registered User
Aug 30, 2013
1,986
0
@Gee7
Does the Carer alway wear some kind of uniform?
Or wear a regular coloured clothes?
It might be worth trying the Carer in very different coloured clothes, passing them off as a new carer, who comes highly recommended.
Change of perfume could help also.

Bod.
 

Jools1402

Registered User
Jan 13, 2024
128
0
@Gee7
Does the Carer alway wear some kind of uniform?
Or wear a regular coloured clothes?
It might be worth trying the Carer in very different coloured clothes, passing them off as a new carer, who comes highly recommended.
Change of perfume could help also.

Bod.
My thoughts exactly @Bod
 

Gee7

Registered User
Aug 28, 2023
73
0
Changing the carer is unlikely to make any difference, your mum will just transfer those feelings to her, either immediately or in due course. As a previous poster said it's common for people with dementia to accuse those closest to them, including their own relatives.

Phil's suggestion of giving the carer a break could work, it's worth trying.
Yes, this is what I think I'll do. Each day presents another crisis at the moment.
 

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