Hi, Mum is 89 with vascular dementia. She lives with me and my husband and has done for 25 years. Im finding it increasingly hard to cope. These days she has no conversational qualities, lives in the past, and is always looking for her children. she is very restless at night and will come to speak to us many many times about this. One night we found her in the hall with the front door open on her way to go to Stratford( this is where she lived as a child) She has recently started new meds for dementia and im not sure if they are making things worse. she has become mildly aggressive and swears at us all. Does anyone have any advice on how to calm her down or settle her at night? Do I agree with her and say the children are here and safe or try to explain they are grown up? I had a complete meltdown this week. Feeling as if I am not coping at the mo. I have fibromyalgia which is pain and fatigue constantly. I feel ill in myself a lot of the time and am considering respite for mum so we can have a break. Any advice would be welcome. thanks
Mum has vascular dementia. feel im losing the plot
- Thread starter san54
- Start date
Yes, yes get some respite. This will allow you time to be objective about how things are going now and how they will be in the future. It is hard enough looking after a person with dementia when you are physically fit but in pain it must be hell.
Hello Welcome to TP.
I would seriously consider respite for at least a few weeks, this will give you a bit of time to recover also time to think about your options.
I would also get back them about the new meds, what suits and works for one person doesn't for another.
They also need to know about the aggression ASAP even if it is mild now, sadly it can get worse suddenly.
Many of us here have had to use what we call love lies or white lies on here.
When my 80+ yr old mum wanted her long dead mum , I said many love lies.
ie
She was fine and would be here later.
The buses weren't running today
She was sleeping and we mustn't wake her.
I don't know about your mum but if I said no to mine or tried to explain she was wrong , no matter how gently done , my mum was far from happy and could get aggressive .
so providing it was safe to do so I agreed with her.
Their is an old thread on here about Compassionate communication .
If my phone will let me I will put a link here.
I must warn you though, it is not an easy act to follow esp when your up to your eyes with it all and it doesn't always work.
I would seriously consider respite for at least a few weeks, this will give you a bit of time to recover also time to think about your options.
I would also get back them about the new meds, what suits and works for one person doesn't for another.
They also need to know about the aggression ASAP even if it is mild now, sadly it can get worse suddenly.
Many of us here have had to use what we call love lies or white lies on here.
When my 80+ yr old mum wanted her long dead mum , I said many love lies.
ie
She was fine and would be here later.
The buses weren't running today
She was sleeping and we mustn't wake her.
I don't know about your mum but if I said no to mine or tried to explain she was wrong , no matter how gently done , my mum was far from happy and could get aggressive .
so providing it was safe to do so I agreed with her.
Their is an old thread on here about Compassionate communication .
If my phone will let me I will put a link here.
I must warn you though, it is not an easy act to follow esp when your up to your eyes with it all and it doesn't always work.
Seems my phone feels like behaving itself at the mo 
http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/show...ionate-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired
http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/show...ionate-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired
Ladies, thankyou so much for the advice. Its nice to talk to people who have experienced the same thing, I read the link and it was really helpful lin so thanks again. Think I will get some respite for maybe a month but im worried about fees for this. Will contact mums social worker to see if she can help. We are having an ok day today so not too stressed. thanks again and speak soon.
sending you all lots of good wishes
sending you all lots of good wishes
