My mum has just gone into a care home in the last 3 weeks. She has blamed me for putting her in there. I had her with myself and husband before she went in and soon realised that she was much worse than we assumed. As I am the only child it was all down to me with a little help from my husband, certain things he could not do. Every night she would verbally accuse me of not giving her the medication GP prescribed. It was a nightmare,I suffer with anxiety myself due to my daughter's I'll health and also try and help out with our great great grandchildren (2) as my daughter is unable too. I just wanted to run away ,I feel guilty,sad,I have to get rid of mums furniture now as the notification on her flat will end soon,I am dreading it feel so bad getting rid of mums home , and she still asks to come home.
Mum gone into a care home
- Thread starter Lamborghini
- Start date
That's difficult for you, you have such a lot on your plate.
My mum went into a care home today, after discharge from hospital. I have no idea how she will react, I've not seen her for almost five weeks as visitors were not allowed in the ward. And I have no idea when I will see her again, she might even know who I am! She has to stay in her own room for two weeks which I know she will hate and I worry about how aggressive she might become towards staff.
My mum went into a care home today, after discharge from hospital. I have no idea how she will react, I've not seen her for almost five weeks as visitors were not allowed in the ward. And I have no idea when I will see her again, she might even know who I am! She has to stay in her own room for two weeks which I know she will hate and I worry about how aggressive she might become towards staff.
hello @Lamborghini
a warm welcome to DTP
you were in an impossible situation and have made a difficult decision because that's what is best for your mum ... you've made sure that she will receive the care she now needs
I'm sure you feel torn ... maybe think that you would want your own daughter to make the same decision, though let's hope she never has to
it is a sad time but go easy on yourself
a warm welcome to DTP
you were in an impossible situation and have made a difficult decision because that's what is best for your mum ... you've made sure that she will receive the care she now needs
I'm sure you feel torn ... maybe think that you would want your own daughter to make the same decision, though let's hope she never has to
it is a sad time but go easy on yourself
Yes I just hope she is still there when this lockdown is lifted my mum had to self isolate as well it's so difficult I can't imagine what is going through her mind .I feel as if I have abandoned her . Thank you for your reply.
It's hard to do isn't it, I know I have done the right thing but still feel guilty I am going up her flat today so not a good day for me. I keep thinking of her mood swings and the nastiness it's like a different person not my mum, anyway trying to not think of what she is like now, but as she used to be, thank you for replying.
I feel your pain Lamborghini - please know that you are not alone.
My dad (81) has been looking after mum (79) who has quite recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer's but in truth she's had it for several years but it was missed at a previous consultation 2 years ago. She was recently in hospital and her disease has taken a big dip since she returned home - during the last week she's not recognised my dad and has been very frightened that some strange man is keeping her prisoner! Then she's back to knowing who he is and dad's happy again. Since her diagnosis she's often thought she's in a hotel room (not recognising her own home) so if she was experiencing a combination of those things she must have been so frightened. Fortunately my brother lives very close by so she had a place of safety to go to when she didn't know who dad was but my brother is not able to care for her so that was just a very temporary solution.
Obviously dad was upset and had come to the end of his tether and a few evenings ago he allowed mum to leave their home in just her nightclothes. I'm not judging him or his actions - he was simply done and had no more to give at that moment. I'm sure he went after her after a few minutes and thank goodness she didn't get far and didn't' come to any harm but things could have been very different. As a family we were concerned that he didn't want to involve the police right away even though she hadn't wandered to where he expected her to be. We were also concerned that he allowed her to leave because he could no longer cope and that might happen again.
To cut a long story short, social services got involved and myself and my siblings had to confirm to them that we felt dad was no longer able to keep mum safe at this time. It feels dreadful. A betrayal. Obviously dad has no idea that this is what we've said about his ability to cope right now otherwise he would be angry beyond words.
Years ago mum used to say she would rather be dead that suffer the indignity of dementia - and here she is. Living her worst nightmare.
Reading other threads on the forum it appears that mum was fortunate to be offered a place in a home the day after SS became involved. We have no clue if she's going to be in there long or short term (she hasn't been funded as a carer respite case so potentially if it's deemed necessary she could remain there ) The thought that my mum knows where she is and is devastated to find herself in a care home is haunting me. She's (obviously) in isolation because of covid 19 and told dad on the phone yesterday that they weren't allowing her out and they weren't feeding her properly and had taken all her things off her. So not only is the family having to cope with the guilt of approving her placement we're also having to deal with dads distress and his assertion that mum is absolutely better off at home with him and that he can cope and that it's his greatest pleasure to care for her. What a nightmare!
I'm sorry - I appear to have hijacked your thread somewhat! I just want you to know that feeling guilty does appear to be part of the ride. I was relieved to see your thread because it made me feel less alone so thank you for posting your experience.
Warmest wishes to you and yours x
No - not an easy time Shedrech - and thank you for your reassurance that what we've done isn't a betrayal.
First time dad spoke to her after she went in he was very distressed because she told him they were keeping her locked up in her room, (obviously she's in 7 day isolation because of Covid 19) She also told him they'd taken all her things and weren't feeding her properly. I later found out she has access to a lounge on her landing as well as her room and doesn't have an en suite so she is able to leave her room. The staff do seem incredibly kind and have encouraged any of us to call as often as we want or need.
Yesterday when dad phoned her she reported that she'd borrowed a car from somebody there and had driven into town and had a lovely time!
From our point of view the more fantasies she has like that the better - rather that than being lucid and seeing the reality of where she is. Thank you again for your kind words. They are appreciated x
