Help advice needed I care for my mum and we a living in her flat .I'm really struggling now as mums condition deteriorates and I'm reaching the end of the road emotionally and physically.my niece has suggested mum and I move with her to a large house mum would have lounge and sitting room on the ground floor and I would have support looking after mum.Have tried explaining to mum about but she refuses to even look at it and I have no idea what to do I just know we need /must do something soon as I will walk out and leave.Any thoughts / suggestions
Moving mum
- Thread starter susan w
- Start date
Hi Susan, Have you had a carer's assessment or Mum a needs assessment from the Social Services? Does Mum have any day care or activities outside her home?
Can you honestly say that Mum will settle in a different house, in a strange area. A strange GP? Will you be able to retain the friends you have locally? Who will pay for the house? What if your neice meets someone and wants to leave. These are just a few questions that you will have to consider.
Have you spoken to Mum's GP or to her Memory clinic to seek medical help?
And last question, have you considered Residential Care for Mum?
I'm not trying to be negative, but we need some answers and we need to know what you have tried so that we can try other things.
Can you honestly say that Mum will settle in a different house, in a strange area. A strange GP? Will you be able to retain the friends you have locally? Who will pay for the house? What if your neice meets someone and wants to leave. These are just a few questions that you will have to consider.
Have you spoken to Mum's GP or to her Memory clinic to seek medical help?
And last question, have you considered Residential Care for Mum?
I'm not trying to be negative, but we need some answers and we need to know what you have tried so that we can try other things.
I'm afraid it is not up to your Mum, but up to you. Do what you can cope with, knowing deterioration is inevitable.
hi thanks for replying mum has been to day services but tends to sleep for long periods .if we move gp,town etc won't change haven't had a full assessment by social services just one over the phone
Sounds like a great arrangement. As celia says the decision has to be yours and best advice seems to be not to stress her out with the details, just manage the move around her and don't tell her until the last minute - the less stress the better. It's people that matter and with you and her niece she will settle.
You might find this useful - we used it and insisted everyone around mum did too and it really reduced her stress and made life much easier even though it was hard to do
http://www.ocagingservicescollabora...te-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired.pdf
Been here!! Mum lived alone when dad died and I was struggling to cope with an hour and hafl round trip daily to care for her, not taking into account all the calls in the early hours and mess to clean up when I arrived at hers! You could not though mention moving to my mum, she would go ballistic. Hates change, always has even before dementia and with no support from my 3 brothers, took the decision to sell her house without her knowledge. I do have LPA which you will need if you're to do this and it was the most stressful time of my life, getting mum out of the house for the open day viewings when she didn't want to go!!!! But fortunately only needed one open day and the house was sold. Packing up the house was another stress and I only managed to empty a few cupboards on the sly but when moving day came, we arrived mob handed and just emptied the house and mum just walked away accepting this was happening. Couldn't believe how easy it was. My mum was so dramatic beforehand saying she would die if we moved her away. Well she hasn't, she's thrived!! We bought a bungalow, had to do it in her name due to the fact she did not have capacity to sign anything but we've made it our home and now 2 and 1/2 years down the line we have lots of help and it certainly made my life easier in many respects, still other issues though of course as you will have her 24/7 but the worry and stress of leaving mum alone was allieviated. Sounds horrid to say but put yourself first and do what is right for you and if that means moving your mum do it! I wish you good luck x
thank you I think we will have to do the same .I can't care for mum alone now so I'm afraid its this or care home as she won't let carers in even if I'm home
