Mother

[Trackyj]

Hi my name is Tracy. My has dementia and is in a care home. Both my 86 yr father and i visit as much as we can as she can still hold a conversation but can keep repeating i want to go home, help me or I want my mum and dad. After visiting dad and I have a 35 min drive home and is can be distressing for us to leave her in this way but yet she is my mum and I love her whatever.

 

[canary]

Hello @Trackyj and welcome to Talking Point

i want to go home, help me or I want my mum and dad

My mum used to say this too. She wanted me to help her go back to her childhood home (which was bombed in the war) where she was convinced that "all her family" (by which she meant her parents and siblings - all long dead) were "just waiting for her". Truly a mission impossible!

This is almost universal in the later stages of dementia. What they are really asking for, though, is to escape the confusion of dementia. They cannot understand why they feel confused and think it is due to where they are living, so they want to go back to a time and place where they felt safe (usually a childhood home) because they think that if they move away then they will leave all the confusion behind.

It is very difficult to move them on from this thinking. Trying to reason with them wont work and often distraction doesnt either. Have you tried saying "yes, we will get you home soon - we are working on it" and not going into any more details?

 

[Izzy]

Welcome to the forum @Trackyj.

I’m so sorry to read about your mother. It must be very hard for both you and your dad. I’m glad you’ve found this forum and hope you find support and comfort from being here.