Miss mum

[susiecol]

Mum ended up in care at the start of this year, and I still can't get my head around it - it's been such hard for me to accept-i saw mum almost every day,phone calls 3/4 times to check on her daily ..I can't think that this is mums life now,it feels like she has gone from me...I constantly worry that she's OK and I know how unhappy she seems nowadays.....its certainly feels like a kind of grief

 

[Grable]

Yes, I'm with you. My mum passed away 7 years ago. We had no choice but to find a home for her to live in about 9 months before she died - and it was traumatic. Although we had found the best home for her in the area and the people there were very kind, it was obvious that she didn't want to be there.
Can you visit? Can you take her out? Are there entertainments at the care home which you could join in with? I lived 200 miles away, but tried to visit when there was a music session, because I knew Mum enjoyed them and that she would sing more when I was there egging her on.

 

[susiecol]

Sorry for the loss of your mum xx
Yes I do visit,but mum is so unhappy and she sulks....there is entertainment- I was there once when there was a singer on,we sang and waved our arms together,but as soon as I need to go,she won't speak to me.... hoping it will get a little easier and that she settles...

 

[My Mum's Daughter]

@susiecol I suspect that your Mum is unhappy because she's had a stay in hospital and has only been in the care home for a few days. She's had a number of unavoidable changes in a very short period and needs time to adjust.

You're not going to like this but I have your Mum's best interest at heart. By all means call the home for an update but do NOT try speaking to your Mum. Avoid visiting until you know that she's settled; yes I know that this is hard.

Once she's happy in what to her is a "new environment", sail in with her favourite cake/chocolates or whatever and act as though you saw her yesterday.

Self-care is also important so see your friends, shop for something for yourself, drink those gallons of coffee or take yourself off for a pleasant walk.

 

[phill]

I note that it’s as soon as she realises that you need to leave, that she starts refusing to speak to you. Some people experiencing this problem when visiting a person in a care home have found it helpful not to even indicate that you are getting ready to leave - instead, just slip away when the person’s meal is ready, or going to the toilet. Someone mentioned that they never take their coat into their relative’s bedroom, so that the relative doesn’t twig they’re leaving the building.

 

[susiecol]

@susiecol I suspect that your Mum is unhappy because she's had a stay in hospital and has only been in the care home for a few days. She's had a number of unavoidable changes in a very short period and needs time to adjust.

You're not going to like this but I have your Mum's best interest at heart. By all means call the home for an update but do NOT try speaking to your Mum. Avoid visiting until you know that she's settled; yes I know that this is hard.

Once she's happy in what to her is a "new environment", sail in with her favourite cake/chocolates or whatever and act as though you saw her yesterday.

Self-care is also important so see your friends, shop for something for yourself, drink those gallons of coffee or take yourself off for a pleasant walk.

Aw thanks....I also want mum to be happy - and I realise that I'm not the answer to her happiness,I'm just a reminder of 'home'.....
Yes I'm going for a spa day next week with friends-and looking forward to having 'days' with hubby ❤️
Thanks for the advice,I'll try my best xxx