Mams Dementia

[Tommy22]

Since my dad was in hospital and then ended up in a care home we have to look our mam 24/7 as she has Alzheimers and vascular dementia she can barely make herself a cup of coffee we take turns in sleeping over but it's putting a strain on us all because we have other commitments with our own families. We done seem to receive a lot of help or advice, we are looking for a home care package but can't find the right one things just seem to be getting harder and when one of us goes on holiday it puts real pressure on the others to cope while they are away. Don't seem to be able to find any solutions to help us.

 

[Louise7]

Hello welcome, you'll find lots of friendly support and advice here. Sorry to hear about your dad, and it must be very difficult for you and the family to continue to look after your mam without any outside help so it's not surprising that you are all feeling the strain. Unfortunately the social care system is at breaking point at the moment and the lack of care staff is causing problems all over. It seems that your mam needs a lot of help now and as it has been difficult to find a care package to suit and things are getting harder do you think that perhaps it might be time for a care home? Would she be able to pay for her own care or would social services be involved? There's a lot to think about but keep posting and others will be along with advice too.

You may find these links helpful in terms of getting some help and support (if you haven't already tried these options):

This link will help you to find help near to you (assuming your mam lives in the UK?)

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support

You could ring the support line for advice - the staff are really helpful:

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/dementia-connect-support-line

This factsheet explains the process for getting social services/local authority care needs assessment:

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/legal-financial/dementia-care-needs-assessment

 

[Tommy22]

Hi @Louise7 Thank you for reply mam is still in denial and thinks there is nothing wrong with her but she can fly of the handle in an instant over nothing and she gets very nasty. She blames us for dad being in a care home and that she should be looking after him, they've be married for 72yrs my mam is 93 and my dad is 97. This has taken over lives for the last couple of years and has caused arguments between us about who,s turn it is to look after mam and when especially when one of us wants to go on holiday for a break.

 

[goose64]

I'm not sure of your finances but could you employ a professional carer on a per hour basis. Although my daughter is a dementia carer and is being paid to look after her grandmother we still get a carer to come in twice a week for an hour to bathe and do her hair . She costs £17 an hour but it gives my daughter an hour to herself. We all help out too. I'm on solo care tonight but my mother-in-law is having a good day.