Male only care home?

[Mandy D]

I found this forum as we are having to move my Father to a male only EMI unit. This is after inappropriate behaviour. This needs to be within reasonable distance of Shrewsbury if anyone knows of anywhere. Finding it very upsetting as we struggled with Social Services to get him into a home that we liked and he has only been in there for a month and now he has to be moved.

 

[FifiMo]

One of the quickest ways to get info like this is to call any dementia care home in your area and ask them if they know of any homes with single sex units in them. Most will know what is going on in the region. Please make sure you ask about a single sex unit and not a home as it is even rarer to find an entire care home than it might be, say, one floor of a building.

If you have no luck then one alternative might be for him to have a one to one carer 24/7. You might need to get support from medical folks and SW that this is necessary and you might find that you can get CHC funding to cover the additional cost.

Fiona

 

[Mandy D]

Thanks for the answer. He had a live in carer for 18 months until his money ran out and he became too much for one person as he was awake too much at night. He has also been turned down for CHC and our lawyer said that it was not worth appealing. Social services are involved and hopefully they will know of somewhere when the people who have been dealing with him come back from their holidays. This is a week wasted of his 4 weeks notice.
So many things in this experience remind me of a child and schools and now he is being expelled.

 

[jaymor]

I found this forum and this thread as we are having to move my Father to a male only EMI unit. This is after inappropriate behaviour. This needs to be within reasonable distance of Shrewsbury if anyone knows of anywhere. Finding it very upsetting as we struggled with Social Services to get him into a home that we liked and he has only been in there for a month and now he has to be moved.

Hi Mandy,

Was your Father displaying this behaviour when he entered his present home? If he was it was very wrong of the home to assess him as being able to have been cared for in their care home. If he was then it is causing distress in having to move him.

My husband is in a nursing home and there are 26 residents. They are split between three floors, a female, a male and a mixed one. There must be many other homes with single sex units as this particular behaviour is very common in both men and women sufferers.

Jay.

 

[Mandy D]

He was displaying sexual behaviour before he went into the home but as far as we know it was only by himself. None of the carers told us anything else and most of them didn't mention it at all. Once he was there he was wandering at night and going into other residents' rooms. It is annoying that this was not controlled until he made serious advances to a female resident. He is 91!

 

[jaymor]

He was displaying sexual behaviour before he went into the home but as far as we know it was only by himself. None of the carers told us anything else and most of them didn't mention it at all. Once he was there he was wandering at night and going into other residents' rooms. It is annoying that this was not controlled until he made serious advances to a female resident. He is 91!

If the behaviour was known to them then they would also know that it most likely would be directed towards a female, it is natural. If you are on notice and it is running out and you are struggling try using the fact that they took him knowing his particular behaviour and now they want him out so they will have to give you longer to find the right home. It is traumatic enough for you to have to find a new home and for your Father to be uprooted again without having a limited time to do it hanging over your head. They are in the wrong.

I hope you get sorted and ask homes if they have segregated floors. It certainly will be easier to find a home with segregated floors than single sex occupancy.


Jay x

 

[Mummer]

Hi Mandy
this is my first post and I wanted to let you know you're not alone.
My dad has been given notice from his nursing home. He's been there for a few months but they cannot cope with his inappropriate sexual behaviour or language. He is in a wheelchair but female residents come over to him. When he has one to one care and conversation he is happy and the behaviour is much less frequent. We don't know of any male only units locally and moving him somewhere else will see a downward spiral of his dementia as he'll be confused and upset, so the new home won't be able to cope either. It's just a mess :-(
Good luck with your situation.

 

[LYN T]

He was displaying sexual behaviour before he went into the home but as far as we know it was only by himself. None of the carers told us anything else and most of them didn't mention it at all. Once he was there he was wandering at night and going into other residents' rooms. It is annoying that this was not controlled until he made serious advances to a female resident. He is 91!

Hi Mandy

So sorry you have this additional problem. My Husband is a great wanderer and goes into others bedrooms at night. If he wont go back to his own room he is taken downstairs with a carer and eventually he goes to sleep in a chair.That is how they manage him. I know this is different from your Dad as he doesn't make sexual advances. I'm just trying to point out that it can be managed.

Also try to find out from the SW what will happen when the notice period is up. I remember from a post ages ago where it was said that the CH can't just kick kick him out as they would be in effect making him homeless.

Good luck with your search

Take care Lyn T

 

[markieg32]

Re post

Hi Mandy this must be a very distressing time for your father and your family. It is difficult to know what is driving your fathers behaviours but have the home put certain actions into place such as using distraction with him if he approaches other service users, they could easily implement 10/15 minute observations of his whereabouts and ove time they may notice a pattern and from his enable them to offer more distraction, may not help a great deal but hope it is something you are able to approach the home with,also possibly ask if there is a local dementia outreach team who may go into care homes who may help the home in managing your dads behaviour. Wishing you and your dad all he best.

Mark

I found this forum as we are having to move my Father to a male only EMI unit. This is after inappropriate behaviour. This needs to be within reasonable distance of Shrewsbury if anyone knows of anywhere. Finding it very upsetting as we struggled with Social Services to get him into a home that we liked and he has only been in there for a month and now he has to be moved.

 

[godfrey66]

Can you get him admitted to a mental health ward?

My Dad has been in 3 care homes now and is in a mental health ward for people with dementia. This has been very distressing but the outcome is that he has been there 3 months and has been fully assessed and has qualified for CHC. I am waiting to get him placed in a nursing home.

The care home called the docter in the end as he was continually incontinent and refused personal care so was a danger to other residents as he was walking round covered in it.

Although your Dads case is different the home is clearly unwilling to work with you to manage it. Dont put yourself under too much pressure to resolve it - it should be a professionals job - make sure they earn their wage and sort it out! I have done the same myself. Maybe you could investigate (try your local alzheimers group)whether there are any dementia wards in the area. IF you can get him admitted there so he is out of the home it will be an opportunity for him to be fully assessed by (in my experience fully qualified and highly trained nurses).
Good luck and you are not alone.