LPA's, brilliantly stubborn moms and all the rest!!

[hache23]

Hello! Apologies in advance for the essay!

My mom has been having memory issues for some years and has always been adamant she was fine and dandy! Stubborn, proud and difficult! but recently she went into hospital. They put her on an older person ward as she's 75 and the very clever, hard working nurses knew some thing wasn't right and got her assessed by the RAID team!! SUCCESS!! She was assigned a mental health nurse to asses her in the home, the nurse eventually caught up with her (as she had been slightly evasive) and phoned me today.

My mom scored very badly on the memory test i guessed she would, and she advised certain things and we got a plan of action to help my moms and get some medication for her! yay! She also mentioned LPA...

i live with my mom and have a constant battle with her hiding bills and being weird about finances. I work, always have and dont care about her money at all but there have been certain unscrupulous trades people and door salesman types recently and im very worried people will take the mick! I know she will take this as a big loss of control and never go for it!!

any wisdom like words??

 

[opaline]

You need to get Power of Attorney asap then if she does sign anything they won't have a leg to stand on as she is mentally ill. Get all the bills put on to direct debits,tell her it's cheaper that way (which it is!), hope this helps, x

 

[Sheepteach]

My dad was diagnosed with VasD 3 years ago, when it came to our attention that he was having trouble paying his utility bills so we went to the bank together as he is also very deaf and had everything put on to direct debit 'so he didn't have to worry'.

Dad is unaware of his diagnosis although he was told in the early stages that he had MCI caused by mini-strokes.

At the GP's advice we then encouraged/persuaded him that an LPA would be a good idea as he was no longer a 'spring chicken ' and should he end up in hospital for whatever reason myself or my brother would be able to pay any bills on his behalf.

The solicitor saw dad alone to ensure that he realised the implications of the LPA, and it was duly set up ( even then though he kept referring to it as his will!). Dad managed more or less for another year until he became very ill for several months with a chest infection at which point the LPA was enacted. Dad has never paid a bill without assistance since and now is incapable of managing his finances by himself.

I think we managed to get the LPA in the nick of time and would strongly suggest that you try too - even if it means being economical with the truth.

 

[Kathphlox]

Since our experience with Dad, we have both had POA done with a solicitor, even though we are both only in our 60s.. This experience with Dad was an eye opener... I was lucky, I got away with handling his finances without one.. but I didn't want that for us.

 

[jen54]

mum was set against LPA for a number of years, she was convinced Attornies(lawyers) would take over her finances.

it took a lot of explaining and using any examples when we had trouble to get her to understand, we explained it as a letter she had written giving us her permission to speak to officials, as she keptsaying I can just write a letter to the council saying you can speak for me. we explained no one took these letters as they used to, a LPA was needed and that legally protected, and saved her writing to everyone giving us permission especially if she found it hard -explained attorney was just a fancy name forone who has your permission,and as all our signatures would be verified and stored no one else could go in and pretend they had mums permission this tack worked better than mentioning it was about looking after her accounts and money I suppose I would be pretty worried if my kids said they wanted control of my money! luckily the witness had done one for his daughter so he came and explained too, this reassured mum she wasn't signing over her finances to us and that we couldn't do what we wanted and this actually gave her more protection against that.

 

[Quilty]

White lies for the greater good

I too got LPA which my mother set up without asking me, as she thought this would make me responsible for her funeral arrangements! Im sure the solicitor did their job explaining but she decided what was what.

I have managed to make her credit card "disappear" to stop her buying mail order "miracle cure pills". Im working my way to getting the bank card too and moving her cash to new accounts in the same bank to help protect her from fraud. I plan to stop paper statements and go electronic at that point.

I am so concerned about someone realising she is vulnerable and stealing from her. My parents worked so hard for what they got and she will need it to get good care soon.

Best of luck. If your mothers memory is bad the good news is that she will quickly forget if you have an argument about this. Tell her she agreed the day before or that it was her idea. You have her interests at heart. Bets of luck. You are not alone in this.