Losing dad from alzheimers at young age

[kt724]

Hi.
I was just wanting to post here as thought it would be nice to post where others understand and to see if there are any other young people who are going through / have been through similar situations.

I'm 20 years old, my Dad was diagnosed with early onset alzheimer's 11 years ago when I was just 9 years old. It was an incredibly hard time but also I didn't really understand much of what was going on at that age! He went into a care home about 4 years later and has been in one since. It was very hard and made harder when he started to become aggressive so I was not allowed to visit him anymore for a few years due to my age and the risks etc. He did deteriorate quite quickly and the last few years has been bedbound, with 24/hr care and unresponsive etc. It's always been a difficult time however as I'm sure many of you can relate I did get 'use" to it and not having Dad around anymore other than visits. It was very hard talking to anyone about it as no one really understood especially at my age. I'm also ill myself so it made and makes visiting a lot harder.

Anyway, the last week or so he has deteriorated further and has stopped swallowing, taking in no food and hardly any fluid. So he's really on end of life care now and being kept comfortable whilst we just wait. I have visited him earlier this week which was nice. But it all feels incredibly hard to process. I have already gone through a lot of the grieving process as many do, so it's the strangest feeling and I don't really know what to think or do. I'm not really sure where I'm going with this!! but just thought it would be nice to hear from others who have gone through similar experiences. Thank you

 

[Izzy]

Welcome to the forum @kt724.

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. How absolutely devastating for you and your family. I'm glad you've found this forum and know that you will find lots of understanding and support here.

Wishing you strength and wishing your dad peace. Please do keep posting.

 

[canary]

You were so young when it all started. Im so sorry for everything you have had to go through.
When someone dies from dementia their body shuts down slowly over days and even weeks and it can be pretty harrowing. My mum went 17 days with no food or fluid at all and I just didnt know how she did it.
Praying for strength for you and your mum (and any other siblings - if there are) and hoping it is over soon
xxx

 

[nellbelles]

welcome @kt724 its a safe place to share experiences and to get peer suppor,t, I’m sorry to read of your family circumstances it sounds very difficult for you all I hope you will continue to pos.t

 

[Grannie G]

Hello @kt724

Oh dear. You have really had the saddest time with your dad.

My grandchildren were the age you were when your dad was diagnosed, when my husband, their grandfather was diagnosed. They didn’t know how to handle it

Now they are older they feel guilty they didn’t spend more time with him but they were teenagers with their own worries and my husband found it stressful to communicate with them other than to smile and ask about school

You did so well when you were with your dad and I understand the reason you were kept from him when he was aggressive Now the aggression has gone but it`s too difficult for you just the same. His dementia has prevented you from having the best relationship with him and I think you might have also missed having the best childhood.

It can’t be helped. It is as it is. Try not to look for reasons or answers I doubt there are any.

I hope you get some comfort from writing it down and sharing with people who understand

You haven’t mentioned you mum. How is she? I hope you are now able to comfort each other.

 

[kt724]

Hello @kt724

Oh dear. You have really had the saddest time with your dad.

My grandchildren were the age you were when your dad was diagnosed, when my husband, their grandfather was diagnosed. They didn’t know how to handle it

Now they are older they feel guilty they didn’t spend more time with him but they were teenagers with their own worries and my husband found it stressful to communicate with them other than to smile and ask about school

You did so well when you were with your dad and I understand the reason you were kept from him when he was aggressive Now the aggression has gone but it`s too difficult for you just the same. His dementia has prevented you from having the best relationship with him and I think you might have also missed having the best childhood.

It can’t be helped. It is as it is. Try not to look for reasons or answers I doubt there are any.

I hope you get some comfort from writing it down and sharing with people who understand

You haven’t mentioned you mum. How is she? I hope you are now able to comfort each other.

Hi Sylvia, thank you for your lovely message it's really comforting to hear some kind words from people who can 'relate' and have had similar experiences. My mum is okay thank you, they had split up prior to his diagnosis but still was his main carer for many years after. Thank you so much for your message, it really is a dreadful disease x

 

[kt724]

You were so young when it all started. Im so sorry for everything you have had to go through.
When someone dies from dementia their body shuts down slowly over days and even weeks and it can be pretty harrowing. My mum went 17 days with no food or fluid at all and I just didnt know how she did it.
Praying for strength for you and your mum (and any other siblings - if there are) and hoping it is over soon
xxx

thank you so much it's nice to hear from others who have had similar experiences. It is crazy how long they can last without anything!! Not a nice time at all but as you said hopefully it is over soon despite how hard that will be for us, better for them x

 

[Frank24]

I’m so sorry to read of this experience you are going through. I was 35 when my mum first started having issues, and I didn’t have any friends who could relate to the responsibilities I had or situation I was facing. Your so much younger and have had less time with your dad. Life can be cruel and unfair. I hope someone comes along who has been in a more similar situation who can give better advise to you that me. What a hard and horrible time you and your family have had. Such a lot to cope with at a young age.

 

[kt724]

Thank you so much for all your lovely replies it really did help. Sadly Dad passed away last saturday , we didn't make it in time which was so tough. Things are hard but as I'm sure you all know its a very odd type of grief as well when you have already been losing them over the past few years. It's all very hard but he's out of pain at least x

 

[canary]

Im sorry you didnt manage to get there in time - I wasnt there when mum passed away either, but I had managed to say goodbye to her and I do hope you had too.
He is at peace now - try and find some peace yourself too
xxx

 

[Sarasa]

Sorry to hear of your loss @kt724.

 

[Izzy]

I’m so sorry to hear of your loss @kt724. Thinking of you and wishing you strength.

 

[nellbelles]

I’m sorry to read of your loss @kt724. my sincere condolences to you all.

 

[Grannie G]

I'm so sorry to hear your dad died @kt724. I hope it will be some consolation for you, however much you miss him, to know his suffering is over.

 

[Izzy]

I’m so sorry for your loss @kt724.

 

[Bunpoots]

I’m sorry you’ve lost your dad so young. Please accept my condolences

 

[Frank24]

Totally heartbreaking I’m so sorry.

 

[LynneMcV]

My heartfelt condolences to you and your family @kt724.

 

[Sofum]

Let me hug you, dear. I know how hard it is...