Thanks @Sarasa, it's early days so we need to give things a little time to settle. I too am hoping residential care will be the outcome but Social Services are very much against it. I've not had any calls from mum which I'm taking as a good sign. She's had a few weeks to get used to the new layout downstairs and I think she may feel better knowing she is no longer alone in the house at night. She really didn't like that. Dad's cousin is going round again this afternoon so I'll get a better feel for how things are when she rings me.
Just when it seemed there was light at the end of the tunnel...
- Thread starter CardiffGirlInEssex
- Start date
Thanks @annielou, yes it must be extremely hard for him and he is very anxious. I'm hoping he will get calmer as time goes on. I still hope he will get residential care but that's not going to be easy even if Social Services will agree to it. I wouldn't be able to visit any care homes so it would all have to be done by phone. I am torn between wanting to go and see them both, and knowing I really shouldn't travel as we are in Tier 4 and Wales is in lockdown. Dad has just had Covid so isn't at risk but my mum most certainly is and so is my husband ( and so am I though to a lesser extent). It's too far to do the round trip in one day. I'd rather not stay in the house, but hotels are closed.
I know you're going through a really distressing time with your mum at the moment so sending you hugs too.
I thought I would wrap this thread up with a final update. The first ten days after Dad went home seemed like the longest ten days of my life, and probably felt the same way to him as well. However, things do now seem to be much more settled. He is increasingly himself again, if that makes sense, especially as we succeeded this week in getting his hearing aids cleaned and repaired so he can hear a lot better. The carers have so far been excellent despite the challenges they face being short staffed due to various members of the team having to isolate due to contact with covid. Occasionally they have been a bit late, but never more then 45 minutes and usually less than 10 minutes. Social Services agreed to add extra time to the morning, lunchtime and teatime slots so they are officially doing meals for my mum as well, which she has taken to surprisingly well. We have a review with Dad‘s social worker on Monday but I think he is going to settle for staying at home for now.
I am in the process of trying to get the solicitor to send me the original
document for Mum’s Enduring POA, as I need to fill in the forms and get that registered. She has clearly lost the capacity to handle her own finances and if anything happened to dad I would be absolutely stuck. Mum believes that I have already taken control of her money (and she isn’t happy about it, because as far as she is concerned she is fine!) so that makes it a bit easier in a way.
Mum is still having hallucinations which now include my dad going out every night with his boyfriend, from 2am to 5am, she sees them walking down the road! She is being started on memantine in a couple of weeks, the delay is so it can be timed to fit with her regular dosette prescription. I have mixed feelings about it, as I see it can actually make things worse at least initially, but we need to give it a try. The hallucinations are interfering with her sleep at night, so she ends up sleeping a lot in the day and it’s a bit of a vicious circle. So it’s worth a try. Her social worker and the memory clinic have been really helpful, I have been pleasantly surprised by the level of support.
I am in the process of trying to get the solicitor to send me the original
document for Mum’s Enduring POA, as I need to fill in the forms and get that registered. She has clearly lost the capacity to handle her own finances and if anything happened to dad I would be absolutely stuck. Mum believes that I have already taken control of her money (and she isn’t happy about it, because as far as she is concerned she is fine!) so that makes it a bit easier in a way.
Mum is still having hallucinations which now include my dad going out every night with his boyfriend, from 2am to 5am, she sees them walking down the road! She is being started on memantine in a couple of weeks, the delay is so it can be timed to fit with her regular dosette prescription. I have mixed feelings about it, as I see it can actually make things worse at least initially, but we need to give it a try. The hallucinations are interfering with her sleep at night, so she ends up sleeping a lot in the day and it’s a bit of a vicious circle. So it’s worth a try. Her social worker and the memory clinic have been really helpful, I have been pleasantly surprised by the level of support.
So pleased to hear things have started to settle down for your mum and dad and carers are helping things along. Glad your dad is starting to feel more himself too and your mum is ok with carers doing her meals. A shame about the hallucinations continuing though and the subject of them too. ? hope the memantine helps her calm and sleep better and doesn’t make things worse to start with. ?
So glad things are beginning to settle down. Hope you get the POA sorted out smoothly. I must be tricky as you really can't go and visit at the moment.
