It is too much

Allotmemteer

New member
May 24, 2024
5
0
At what point do you say goodbye and not feel guilty. I don't want to deal with this and get to the point some of you are at. I am nearly 60 and have NEVER had my own life. I have a heart issue and abusive mother prior to dementia and now she is going to sick more life from me. So exhausted and all I get for my significant effort is abuse. I not like the rest of you putting up with those and feeling love for the person with dementia. I am angry and fed up diagnose with carer burnout already. Help please
 

Saralara

Registered User
Mar 10, 2024
40
0
At what point do you say goodbye and not feel guilty. I don't want to deal with this and get to the point some of you are at. I am nearly 60 and have NEVER had my own life. I have a heart issue and abusive mother prior to dementia and now she is going to sick more life from me. So exhausted and all I get for my significant effort is abuse. I not like the rest of you putting up with those and feeling love for the person with dementia. I am angry and fed up diagnose with carer burnout already. Help please
From reading this and your other post it sounds like you have been in a difficult situation for a very long time. Would it be possible for you to see either your GP or find some form of counselling to help you cope with everything you are feeling? Maybe someone might be able to offer/ suggest and guide you to more practical support for your mother and that may give you some space to work out the best way forward for yourself.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,370
0
South coast
Hello @Allotmemteer

Not everyone on here has had a good relationship with their Person With Dementia prior to their dementia diagnosis, and there are other people (like myself) who have lost the love they once had because of their behaviour, so you will find yourself in good company.

It sounds like you need more support. Assuming that you are in UK, then contact Social Services for a needs assessment and stress that it is urgent. Organisations such as Age UK, Crossroads/TuVida and MIND can often help with things like a befriending/companionship service (so you can have a bit of time out) or practical things like a Home Help and gardening service which can take a bit of pressure off you. I also find if helpful because OH was more tolerant of things like this and it gave me someone else to talk to. It is often a useful gateway into the PWD accepting carers.

If you can leave your mum for a short while, then try and get out of the house every day, even if its only for a sort walk.

If she is becoming extremely aggressive do please get back to your GP as there is medication which can help
xx
 

Allotmemteer

New member
May 24, 2024
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Thabk you. Social Services orga using package of care to discharge home. I had to make changes to the house to male it safe and she will kick off about that as well. I told them in the discharge meeting a home is the best considering her behaviour and her resistance to taking meds. She thinks she is managing meds herself but she isn't. I also had to get a new cooker and lock up the switch so she can't use the cooker. Its impossible and the doctor has not been much help
I need to leave but it is not easy to find a place to go. I had a assessment from hospital ss who are brilliant
My gear is that her care gets transferred to local ss and from past experience they are not good at all and did not spot dementia in a recent assessment in march. I geel like just jumping off a cliff at the moment
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,370
0
South coast
This does sound very difficult

There is one thing I'd like to draw to your attention, though, as you said you were nearly 60 yrs old.

If your mum moves into a care home, if she owns the house it will be considered as part of her financial assets unless you are living there and are 60 yrs or over. If you are 60 or over when your mum moves into a care home then you can live there and the house will be disregarded. If you then live there until she dies, it will never have to be sold to pay care home fees