I'm New to this & I think my Mum has got dementia - advice very welcome please

[Moulin1]

Hello

I have thought my Mum has been showing the signs of dementia for a while now. She had a memory test a few months ago & scored 29 out of 30. She put on a really good show for the doctor who visited & took the test with her. I ended up feeling like the worst daughter ever! My cousin (who takes my Mum & Aunties out every fortnight) got in touch with me to voice her concerns about my Mum. Her mother-in-law, my Mum's sister has dementia (she is 10 years older than my Mum) & she's quite bad now. My cousin pointed out that my Mum is becoming very similar to her sister. I have taled with my Mum about it, but she is in denial & I think part of that is to do with how scared she is of becoming like her sister. I feel I need to push for my Mum to be referred and have more than the memory test she had. I don't want to upset my Mum & I feel like I'm bullying her, but I feel if she is diagnosed with dementia then maybe she can have help/medication. Sorry for babbling on, but I feel so torn. Should I just rely on that initial memory test - which, pretty much said she's OK? Or should I push for more tests? x

 

[Eleanor09]

Hello,
You are, of course, a wonderful daughter - hence your concern.
I am afraid I don't have any answers for you regarding your Mums memory test results. Perhaps you could be more specific about the concerns. As for most, a general health check and bloods should be carried out first I think, as many conditions that are treatable can produce similar symptoms. Perhaps you could speak to her GP.
I think this site is designed so that we can babble. I did anyway and found it very supportive
Best wishes and good luck

 

[Middle Girl]

To echo Eleanor09, you are a wonderful daughter to pick up on this. When I had concerns, I pushed her GP for a referral to the memory clinic. A nurse came and done a pretty in depth assessment (which included a memory test, observation and asking me some questions). This essentially confirmed my concerns and started the ball rolling for necessary health and social care. Like yours, my mum of course denied all and tried, unconvincingly, to put on a good show. At the time the nurse the nurse suggested I also start looking into obtaining Lasting Power of Attorney on the basis that it's better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it. Remember dementia is a condition that deteriorates and you never know how quickly this might happen.

Getting this diagnosis in writing was kinda like 'closure' inasmuch as that it made it a little easier to argue (yes oftentimes you have to argue with authorities) for the care mum needed. This was almost two years ago and mum's condition has pretty steadily deteriorated, so I would say please don't ignore your concerns and push for a test from the NHS memory clinic.

Good luck and stay strong.

 

[FifiMo]

My mother's dementia was quite severe, well to us anyway, before she was formally diagnosed. Mainly due to her high score on the MMSE test and sounding quite plausible especially around the doctors and the police. It took her being in hospital before she saw a psychiatrist as the nursing staff were with her round the clock and eventually saw what we saw. The psychiatrist did the MMSE test with her and she was still scoring 27 but when he did another test she scored zero. Only then was the first diagnosis made.

What would be helpful is for you and your cousin to keep a diary of all your observations over a period of time then perhaps consider writing to her GP and copying the diary out to provide them with the evidence of what is going on. As well as providing details of the challenges your mum is currently struggling with, it will also give an indication of ant deterioration over time and whether things are changing rapidly perhaps. I would also point out that her sister has dementia as this may be of some significance. I would then ask her GP to contact you to discuss the way ahead and what you need to do for your mum. Maybe you have to take her in to the GP or perhaps they will visit unannounced.

Just be aware that your mum may live in denial even though diagnosed. Beyond opening up the possibility of medication and accessing support services, your mum doesn't need to know or be reminded as to what is wrong with her. My mother never once mentioned dementia and so we went along with that and just dealt with the symptoms as and when they arose. If you think your mum's biggest fear is being like her sister then I would insist that no one tells her of any diagnosis. They can tell her she is fine and only suffering the effects of old age. It would help if you could do the LPA for both finances and health and welfare as this would empower you to act on your mum's behalf especially when dealing with doctors etc. if you can't achieve this then try getting her to sign a letter to her GP authorising you to be involved and communicated with about her medical needs.

Hope this helps,

Fiona

 

[Forestridge]

Excellent advice from Fifimo and little I can add except to say back in Jan Mum managed to get 29 on the MMSE. However she also did the Addenbrookes Revised Questionnaire which was a whol different matter. On that one she got 68/100 with 82 being rather cut off point.

She then was referred for a CT scan and was diagnosed Middle of March with mixed dementia. Beginning of July she was deemed by the psychiatrist not to have Capacity. For years she had a whole arsenal of coping strategies to cover any memory deficits and would present very well. To this day it's not the memory problems that cause the biggest problems, it is her lack of insight, personality changes and paranoia.

I found the writing a diary tip on here invaluable. In the end I didn't need to show it to anyone but seeing it all in black and white really helped me - I had a tendency to think I was imagining it or over playing it but reading back through the diary I knew I wasn't .

 

[Moulin1]

Thank You So Much

Thank you to all of you who have given me some insight and advice about my Mum. It's interesting to know that the MMSE test can be fallible. I will look into Power of Attorney. I'll also start keeping a diary & ask my cousin to as well. I have siblings but they don't spend as much time with Mum as I do & my sister just thinks it's old age, my cousin & I are not convinced by that! I'll let you know how I get on. Thanks again. Love Colleen x