I think my father has dementia but he's in serious denial

[Monica M S]

Hello everyone,

My name is Monica and I am 24 years old currently residing in the Netherlands.
My father, who is coming 78 in August, has illustrated signs of early dementia.
I had noticed his memory being negatively affected about a year or so ago but it involved his short term memory and it hadn't affected him as greatly as it does now.
My mother and I have noticed his short term memory has become very ill, forgetting simple things we'd speak about only minutes ago or tasks he had completed an hour ago like feeding the cats.
For example, I had assisted him regarding a new phone he purchased and told him that he needed to buy a memory card as his photos could not be transferred due to a lack of space on his new phone. He illustrated that he understood what I said before leaving the conversation.
He approached me only minutes later wondering why he doesn't have any of his photos and became very agitated and frustrated and I had to remind him of what I had said earlier, for him to then exit the conversation again with the attitude of like 'oooohhhhh yeah okay I understand'.
His long term memory seems strong enough but his short term memory has become severely shot.
I have approached the idea of getting himself checked neurologically but he has always held the ideology that he is in 'perfect' health and that there is absolutely nothing wrong with him.
I do not know what to do as he gets angry every time I mention his memory issues. My mother is also very fearful of bringing this up to him as he snaps at her too.
I am so so worried and I do not know how to get him a diagnoses as he believes he is perfectly fine.
He resides in Northern Ireland and I am here in the Netherlands studying in university and I have limited options to care for him face-to-face.
Please help.

Many thanks,
Monica

 

[Jessbow]

Unfortuately its all part of it- You forget, and if you knew you forget things you;d make a note of it perhaps.
he just doesnt realise , in fact probably denies having asked you something 5 mins ago because hes forgotten he did ( sorry thats very simply put but hope you see what i Mean)

Sometimes is less stressfull fo everyone if you just go along with it

 

[Monica M S]

Unfortuately its all part of it- You forget, and if you knew you forget things you;d make a note of it perhaps.
he just doesnt realise , in fact probably denies having asked you something 5 mins ago because hes forgotten he did ( sorry thats very simply put but hope you see what i Mean)

Sometimes is less stressfull fo everyone if you just go along with it

You're totally right and I'm learning to go with it, but do you know if there's any way I can convince him to get himself tested or see the GP about this?
I just wanted to make sure he's okay.

 

[Angel55]

You're totally right and I'm learning to go with it, but do you know if there's any way I can convince him to get himself tested or see the GP about this?
I just wanted to make sure he's okay.

❤️ Hi

It is easier as a person begins to loose the insight into their own problems. My PWD lives in a residential setting now and still says I feel marvellous and I don't know why I am in here. Of course there is something very wrong but it easier to agree.

We used an existing medical condition to facilitate a check up at the doctors ? Perhaps you could try that or a well person check which would not be out of the ordinary ? x

 

[Collywobbles]

Hi Monica. This is a common problem and one we’ve encountered with our Mum.

I don’t know the health system in the Netherlands, but when we think Mum needs a check for her dementia, we do what Angel55 suggests above.

We email Mum’s doctor’s surgery, explaining why we’re worried, and asking whether they can proactively invite her in for a “routine checkup” without mentioning dementia. Mum is in denial and if dementia, Alzheimer’s or memory problems are mentioned, she will refuse to go as she’s adamant there’s nothing wrong with her.

Once at the surgery, her doctor is very good at slipping in the relevant questions and checks amongst standard tests like taking blood pressure. He never confronts her with direct questions about her memory. Our aim is that Mum should leave the appointment unconcerned, and unaware that it was related to her dementia. It’s worked so far. Earlier this year we even used this technique to make sure she saw a specialist dementia nurse.

We feel guilty for ‘sneaking around’ behind Mum’s back, but have discussed it with her doctor who agrees we’re doing the right thing for Mum’s wellbeing. He told me that he’d be worried if I didn’t feel bad about it.

 

[Brianna]

Hi Monica, I was thinking of asking a similar question about my friend, who knows she has memory problems but is so very scared of having dementia. I suspect your father may be scared too. I've recently found that there are many causes of memory problems other than dementia - stress, thyroid problems, hearing issues, medication, etc. Maybe your father would see a GP for a check up if you suggested he might need some physical tests. Best wishes for you and your family.

 

[Denise Warren]

HI Mknica my 94 Yr old Fatger is exactly the same.He's now been diagnosed . Very sad x