I feel useless

[kimnjohn69]

Hi All,
I've written on here numerous times and am really struggling, with the way things are with my mum and dad.Mum has vascular dementia and severe heart failure and my dad has COPD and is very frail, dad's mobile but mums hoist assisted,bed to chair.My sister is my mum's carer, lives with them, we have social services and pallative team from PA involved, GP district nurses, but my sister defies them all and is left to mentally abuse my dad and mum also overwhelming mum at times, stopping meds and waking mum,moving her, arguing with mum in night, taking long time with daily thorough washes.The list goes on.
I tried to get my sister to change her ways,but if she believes she's right, it doesn't matter who tells her different,she does as she pleases. I have a hour every Tuesday and Friday with mum and dad, and my sister goes upstairs away from me, as we really don't get on at all.My sisters told my dad not to tell me anything that happens, she gets him to not go yo his appointments at PA to get him out the house.She shouts at dad, and when he talks back she shouts at him, don't shout at me, to stop him. She tells him to have a drink, when to eat, she has been told to leave him alone. I went there today and felt like I shouldn't be there, I have one of my daughters there, so if mum wants drink or pad change she does it.My poor dad don't want to talk to me as he feels torn between me and my sister, but I feel by him not talking to me, that my sister is hiding things, and it's a danger for mum and dad.She thinks by my dad not talking to me will stop the social worker coming in, it just looks like she's paranoid and guilty of something.I am really gutted and upset it has come to this, I feel why am I going to visit when it's so hard to see them both suffering.sorry for post but needed to vent

 

[Kevinl]

And your vent got read by me and I'm sure many others on the site here, you're never alone on here remember that.
I don't know what to say families get complicated, so, I'll just say thank you for all you're doing, that simple thank you. K

 

[kimnjohn69]

Thank you kevin

 

[Kevinl]

More than welcome. K

 

[Gosling]

Hello @kimnjohn69 and firstly welcome to this friendly and supportive forum.

I am so sorry to read of all the health issues that both your Mum and Dad are facing. That's tough enough to try to deal with and support without the added complications of a strained family relationship with your sister (and I appreciate that I am probably putting that mildly by what you have said).
At least you have GP, District nurses, Social Services and palliative team all involved for support so that is good. Do keep communicating with them - that is so important.
I hope putting things down on here has helped just a tiny bit, and please never apologise for having a rant. You'll always find understanding and people here really do want to help.

 

[kimnjohn69]

Thank you gosling, it is so hard to cope with, as my sister has totally broken our family.I am struggling with feeling I have lost mum already to this terrible thing, but my sister is in denial so it is a endless battle, as she doesn't take anyone's opinion or thoughts concerning mum.She has changed mums funeral wishes, and because dad's memory is failing she is saying mum wants burial but mum wanted cremation, as mum has savings which she wanted my dad and to go to family but my sister says it's for burial.We are all so upset and frustrated that she has done this, and feel totally powerless to do anything about it.I have literally asked all professionals for help and even safeguarded my sister but she still does as she pleases.