Hello all,
I post on here from time to time, when things get too much. I read other people's posts too, so I know that some of you have situations that are much more difficult than mine. It's just that I don't know where to turn at the moment. I feel so unwell, so emotionally exhausted with everything that has gone on this year. My Mum died in June; although she was terminally ill with cancer she was doing well on treatment and she collapsed and died suddenly whilst I was on holiday with my husband. My Dad, who has moderate dementia, is still at his own home and has a SS care package. It has been such a struggle to get the care he needs. He is fully funded by SS and I have been fighting and fighting since Mum's death to get the care he needs. Even though his Dementia nurse is on board and has been great in pushing SS, the full package is still not in place yet and I have made a formal complaint. You wont be surprised to hear that it's all down to money. I have been filling in providing care and I work full time and I realize I have overstretched myself, big time. Even before she died my Mum was very demanding and needy and I feel like everything has been squeezed out of me by this situation, which has been going on since she was diagnosed two years ago.
I have been having stomach problems (GP says its IBS and acid reflux) since Mum died, I feel very thin skinned and am crying a lot at the slightest minor concern. It has put a strain on my marriage too, my husband has a stressful job and is tired and low at the moment too and says he can't cope with the way I am right now. He's never been particularly good on practical care or support and tends to withdraw if I am needing him; he has withdrawn from me a bit at the moment, although he says he knows its been a difficult year for both of us and that he loves me and want us to be happy. No pressure then! We have been married 16 years. He hasn't given me any help with Mum's funeral or Dad's care, I've done everything myself. I am an only child and have no other family in the area where we live. I tend to rush around and I have a tendency to be anxious sometimes when I am overstretched but its nothing like what I am feeling at the moment. I am seeing a therapist and she says she thinks I am tired, exhausted, grieving both parents and have not been getting the support I need to cope. I have been trying to support my husband too and I think I have emptied my tank with everything. I feel so lonely and isolated. I feel guilty for damaging my marriage, guilty at not being able to help Dad as I would like and guilty for not being able to cope. I don't want to burden my friends, who all live in other parts of the UK, and my husband cannot be there for me emotionally. He just does not understand what it's like to be anxious and have panic attacks. I think I have just about reached the end of my tether.
I am so sorry to post this gloomy piece, but I know some of you will understand. I could do with some practical advice. I know the problem is caused by the type of person I am (stressy, anxiety tendencies) but you have to make the best of the person you are, don't you? I used to do that but I don't know whether I have any best bits of me left.
Jayne
I post on here from time to time, when things get too much. I read other people's posts too, so I know that some of you have situations that are much more difficult than mine. It's just that I don't know where to turn at the moment. I feel so unwell, so emotionally exhausted with everything that has gone on this year. My Mum died in June; although she was terminally ill with cancer she was doing well on treatment and she collapsed and died suddenly whilst I was on holiday with my husband. My Dad, who has moderate dementia, is still at his own home and has a SS care package. It has been such a struggle to get the care he needs. He is fully funded by SS and I have been fighting and fighting since Mum's death to get the care he needs. Even though his Dementia nurse is on board and has been great in pushing SS, the full package is still not in place yet and I have made a formal complaint. You wont be surprised to hear that it's all down to money. I have been filling in providing care and I work full time and I realize I have overstretched myself, big time. Even before she died my Mum was very demanding and needy and I feel like everything has been squeezed out of me by this situation, which has been going on since she was diagnosed two years ago.
I have been having stomach problems (GP says its IBS and acid reflux) since Mum died, I feel very thin skinned and am crying a lot at the slightest minor concern. It has put a strain on my marriage too, my husband has a stressful job and is tired and low at the moment too and says he can't cope with the way I am right now. He's never been particularly good on practical care or support and tends to withdraw if I am needing him; he has withdrawn from me a bit at the moment, although he says he knows its been a difficult year for both of us and that he loves me and want us to be happy. No pressure then! We have been married 16 years. He hasn't given me any help with Mum's funeral or Dad's care, I've done everything myself. I am an only child and have no other family in the area where we live. I tend to rush around and I have a tendency to be anxious sometimes when I am overstretched but its nothing like what I am feeling at the moment. I am seeing a therapist and she says she thinks I am tired, exhausted, grieving both parents and have not been getting the support I need to cope. I have been trying to support my husband too and I think I have emptied my tank with everything. I feel so lonely and isolated. I feel guilty for damaging my marriage, guilty at not being able to help Dad as I would like and guilty for not being able to cope. I don't want to burden my friends, who all live in other parts of the UK, and my husband cannot be there for me emotionally. He just does not understand what it's like to be anxious and have panic attacks. I think I have just about reached the end of my tether.
I am so sorry to post this gloomy piece, but I know some of you will understand. I could do with some practical advice. I know the problem is caused by the type of person I am (stressy, anxiety tendencies) but you have to make the best of the person you are, don't you? I used to do that but I don't know whether I have any best bits of me left.
Jayne
