I don't know what to do or where to turn

[Willow174]

I feel like I'm losing my Mum in so many ways. Her personality is changing, she's being quite nasty sometimes, accusing me of taking her stuff, getting obsessive about things, often trying to find things she probably threw away years ago, we have the same conversation time and time again, she has no interest in anything but she won't go and see the doctor. I've tried talking to her about it but all she said was if there was something wrong then the nurse would pick it up on her annual visit. I've tried talking to the Doctor's surgery and they got her in to see the nurse a couple of times but they haven't done anything else for months, they just told Mum she was great for age. Some days are good but the bad days are get more and more.

I just don't know what to do or where to turn. My husband and I live with her, even though our own house is 250 miles away. I'm spending most of life in tears and I'm not coping at all. I'm an only child and we've always been incredibly close but I feel now she just doesn't trust me anymore.

I work from home so I'm with her 24/7. It's breaking me.

 

[HarrietD]

@Willow174 I'm so sorry to hear you feel like you're losing your mum, and that you don't know where to turn. It sounds so difficult for you to deal with 24/7, especially if you were close with her before.

You've come to the right place, and members will be along soon to offer their support and understanding - please do keep posting here.

 

[Bevvywevvy]

Hello, I'm sorry to hear about your mum and all the difficulties you're having. It's so hard to deal with everything isn't it? I've only just joined here, but so far, it's been an absolute saviour! We're not alone! I dont know enough about the things youve said, but I'm sure someone will be along soon with some views and ideas for your situation. I hope you get some solace in this forum, it has masses of information and some really kind and helpful members.

 

[Watson1]

Get your mother to a doctor by what ever pretext it takes. I haveearly stage alzheimers am glad to know where i stand in my new world. Medication help for some they have for me.No tis is not easy and you will have to find your mental shield against your mothers unintentional out bursts this is something beyond her understanding. Your the mother now take charge.Allof us in the forums support you 247

 

[Veritas]

I feel like I'm losing my Mum in so many ways. Her personality is changing, she's being quite nasty sometimes, accusing me of taking her stuff, getting obsessive about things, often trying to find things she probably threw away years ago, we have the same conversation time and time again, she has no interest in anything but she won't go and see the doctor. I've tried talking to her about it but all she said was if there was something wrong then the nurse would pick it up on her annual visit. I've tried talking to the Doctor's surgery and they got her in to see the nurse a couple of times but they haven't done anything else for months, they just told Mum she was great for age. Some days are good but the bad days are get more and more.

I just don't know what to do or where to turn. My husband and I live with her, even though our own house is 250 miles away. I'm spending most of life in tears and I'm not coping at all. I'm an only child and we've always been incredibly close but I feel now she just doesn't trust me anymore.

I work from home so I'm with her 24/7. It's breaking me.

Your mother needs to be properly assessed. Talk, or failing that, write to her GP - not the nurse or the receptionist - and explain what's happening. The GP should refer her to a memory clinic, and the sooner the better as waiting lists can be quite long. It is possible for an assessment to be done at home, and it is also characteristic that someone who needs assessment will work quite hard to avoid it!

It sounds to me as if your Mum is steadily losing ground, and it is reasonable for you to make a fuss and insist that this is taken seriously. Unfortunately it does sound like she has dementia of some kind, and the personality change and suspicious thinking are pretty characteristic. I'm sorry - it's hard.

 

[scotlass]

what Veritas said about the changes taking place with your mum, losing things,,,probably she hid them....getting nasty,,,are signs of dementia. insists she sees a gp....there are pills that can slow some dementias , so the sooner she sees a doctor for a diagnosis the better. also once she has been diagnosed she can apply for attendance allowance, and if she needs any adaptions in her house, like hand rails, grab rails in the shower.....hope you get the help you need x

 

[Willow174]

Thank you all for your replies. We had a bad time after I posted yesterday, she rang a family friend who has a barrister in the their family, to ask how she gets help as I'm trying to take part of her Widow's Pension from my late father's pension. Luckily enough I heard the call and was able to speak to the friend. It turns out that the friend had noticed the problems we are having when she visited Mum a couple of weeks ago whilst I was away for a couple of days.

I ended up have a long call with a wonderful Admiral nurse last night and she gave me lots of advice both on how to handle Mum but also how to handle the Doctor. She was an absolute saviour.

 

[scotlass]

that's good to hear Willow...glad you're getting help

 

[Veritas]

Thank you all for your replies. We had a bad time after I posted yesterday, she rang a family friend who has a barrister in the their family, to ask how she gets help as I'm trying to take part of her Widow's Pension from my late father's pension. Luckily enough I heard the call and was able to speak to the friend. It turns out that the friend had noticed the problems we are having when she visited Mum a couple of weeks ago whilst I was away for a couple of days.

I ended up have a long call with a wonderful Admiral nurse last night and she gave me lots of advice both on how to handle Mum but also how to handle the Doctor. She was an absolute saviour.

That's good news - first of all you're getting informed advice about how to get the help you need, and secondly that you now know that your concerns are not just yours - others have noticed the problems too. Both big steps in the right direction.