Its a bit awkward to know what to say being first message. My mother is 91 and fisty!! at the moment i have to go and have a new knee op and im finding it hard to explain to her that i will not be able to see for a while!! she is in denial and says she can get her own shopping and walk over to see me - and she cant.!! every sat i check and throw food away and then take her shopping for fresh fruit, milk etc. she has 4 meals on wheels a week. there is no one to take her shopping and deal with her like i do - or am i being over protective!! im so concerned. she doesnt cook, wash her clothes, clean. I have to remind her to change her bed and do her washing, i do her cleaning. she has a bath at the day centre she goes to once a week. I asked her if she would have meals every day while i cant see her ande she said no! what do i do. Any advice please
I am a new member that cares for my mother with dementia and alzheimers
- Thread starter karmabarb
- Start date
Hi Karmabarb
Do reach out to SS to see what they can do to help with Mum's care. I am in a similar situation with my Mum and was trying to do everything myself. I was respecting what I thought were Mum's wishes but it transpired that they were coming from a point of anxiety. However my health was starting to suffer so I resolved to take the help and deal with the consequences as they arose. She now attends day care twice a week (referred to as play school -
). She gets a little anxious before going but once there loves it. She can't remember anything about what she does there, but funnily enough en route this morning she said 'I like bingo, do you?', she didn't know why she asked but I know it is one of the activities she does at 'play school.'
As you asked your Mum if she could have meals every day while you are out of action, and she said no, would she accept them if you just went ahead and ordered them? SS should be able to have carers call to check fridge etc for you & possibly you could organise on line shopping to be delivered while a carer was there to be put away for Mum.
There are many different agencies offering help just take a bit at a time to suit your requirements at each stage. Best wishes
Do reach out to SS to see what they can do to help with Mum's care. I am in a similar situation with my Mum and was trying to do everything myself. I was respecting what I thought were Mum's wishes but it transpired that they were coming from a point of anxiety. However my health was starting to suffer so I resolved to take the help and deal with the consequences as they arose. She now attends day care twice a week (referred to as play school -
). She gets a little anxious before going but once there loves it. She can't remember anything about what she does there, but funnily enough en route this morning she said 'I like bingo, do you?', she didn't know why she asked but I know it is one of the activities she does at 'play school.' As you asked your Mum if she could have meals every day while you are out of action, and she said no, would she accept them if you just went ahead and ordered them? SS should be able to have carers call to check fridge etc for you & possibly you could organise on line shopping to be delivered while a carer was there to be put away for Mum.
There are many different agencies offering help just take a bit at a time to suit your requirements at each stage. Best wishes
Hi, thanks for prompt reply. I understand what you are saying and i have got in touch with ss but they will only cover personal care. there is a place called Cape that i may contact but using different tactic (not saying about hosp) just say i cant do her cleaning anymore and try and get that in place quite soon. as you say they dont remember. i did ask the home if they could ahve her another day - which they said yes - but my mum hates going - she is ok if i dont take her - she gets picked up - but if i do she creates that she would rather be at home etc etc. and she hates having a bath there - but it is necessary. she acts like a horrible child!! I can get her food blindfolded cos its the same each week. but i take her so it gives her some independence still!! is it worth it i dont know sometimes. my brother lives 2 hours away and doesnt offer help. Ive thought about doing meals on wheels and just writing it in her book - but i will get a lot of stick!! I have childhood issues which dont help. I have got another course of counselling starting on 23 may - sometimes im not strong enough to deal with the aftermath!!
Hi Karmabarb
Do reach out to SS to see what they can do to help with Mum's care. I am in a similar situation with my Mum and was trying to do everything myself. I was respecting what I thought were Mum's wishes but it transpired that they were coming from a point of anxiety. However my health was starting to suffer so I resolved to take the help and deal with the consequences as they arose. She now attends day care twice a week (referred to as play school -
As you asked your Mum if she could have meals every day while you are out of action, and she said no, would she accept them if you just went ahead and ordered them? SS should be able to have carers call to check fridge etc for you & possibly you could organise on line shopping to be delivered while a carer was there to be put away for Mum.
There are many different agencies offering help just take a bit at a time to suit your requirements at each stage. Best wishes
Hi Again
The Cape idea sound like a good route. Regarding your Mum's childlike behaviour I can sympathise with you there my Mum exhibits this too and it can be challenging to manage to say the least. I understand when you are well that taking Mum shopping is a good idea to maintain her independence, I only meant while you were laid up after your op. Regarding not being strong enough, I think you do yourself a disservice you have been managing up until now. This disease changes the sufferer at every stage and by researching ahead you can keep amending your strategies for coping as you travel this path with your Mum. The range of people on TP is vast, with experience of all stages and help & advice can always be found here - good luck with your op
The Cape idea sound like a good route. Regarding your Mum's childlike behaviour I can sympathise with you there my Mum exhibits this too and it can be challenging to manage to say the least. I understand when you are well that taking Mum shopping is a good idea to maintain her independence, I only meant while you were laid up after your op. Regarding not being strong enough, I think you do yourself a disservice you have been managing up until now. This disease changes the sufferer at every stage and by researching ahead you can keep amending your strategies for coping as you travel this path with your Mum. The range of people on TP is vast, with experience of all stages and help & advice can always be found here - good luck with your op
thanks for reply - yes i understood you re shopping - i dont always make myself clear!! i saw on tv this morn someone talking about dementia and how people dont realise there is something wrong with whom you are with!! its very awkward especially in the supermarket. i tried to take her clothes shopping that was definately a no no!! I was so upset!! anyway thanks for your kind words and i will now keep in touch on this site to get help on each stage. All the best to you too.
Hi Again
The Cape idea sound like a good route. Regarding your Mum's childlike behaviour I can sympathise with you there my Mum exhibits this too and it can be challenging to manage to say the least. I understand when you are well that taking Mum shopping is a good idea to maintain her independence, I only meant while you were laid up after your op. Regarding not being strong enough, I think you do yourself a disservice you have been managing up until now. This disease changes the sufferer at every stage and by researching ahead you can keep amending your strategies for coping as you travel this path with your Mum. The range of people on TP is vast, with experience of all stages and help & advice can always be found here - good luck with your op
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