I’m new and this is my story

[AJ1978]

hi Everyone,

I would dearly love some advice and support. My 83 year old mother was sectioned last Wednesday after a rapid deterioration in her mental health. For approximately three years she has created a delusion that her neighbour is constantly breaking into her house and leaving signs and symbols on her glass table (they are fingerprints), slicing into her woodwork (generally wear and tear) and generally tormenting her. Before the section she was so angry with me for not getting him evicted and she was becoming extremely distressed when she thought he had put blood in her bed (how awful it must be to believe that)...when it was bleeding from the eczema she has suffered from for years.

Anyway, she is without a dementia diagnosis but I am sure there is dementia (although the headscan showed nothing). She has recently shown spatial and temporal deterioration - forgetting how to use household appliances in particular. Hopefully we can get somewhere with a diagnosis now she is in an assessment centre.

I am at the end of my tether and feel so guilty. Now she’s in hospital I feel so relieved not to have to shoulder the worry and burden of trying to care for someone who is so poorly. I also have a two year old boy who is so precious and for the first time in his entire life I feel free to enjoy him. Does that make me a terrible person?

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @AJ1978, welcome to the forum.

You are not a terrible person and you have come to the right place for information and support from our experienced membership.

 

[karaokePete]

I hope you have time to take a good look around the site as it is a goldmine for information. When I first joined I read old threads for information but then found the AS Publications list and the page where a post code search can be done to check for support services in ones own area. If you are interested in these, clicking the following links will take you there

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you

You will see that there are Factsheets that will help with things like getting care needs assessments, deciding the level of care required and sorting out useful things like Wills, Power of Attorney etc.

Now that you have found us I hope you will keep posting as the membership has vast collective knowledge and experience.

 

[marionq]

A toddler is a precious joy and nothing must spoil his young life. I am a firm believer that dementia and children do not mix unlike the lovely relationship which can exist between children and elderly relatives who are well.

Do what is necessary to see that your mother is safe and looked after but your child must come first.

Good wishes

 

[Shedrech]

hello @AJ1978
a warm welcome from me too
what shouts out from your post is what a caring and supportive daughter and mother you are, faced with a terribly difficult situation which has no simple solution
as you say, your mother and you now have a team of folk around you to take xome of the stress and strain from you both
you will be looking out for your mother but right now make the most of your time with your own child, he and you deserve some joy and your mother would not want to deny that to either of you
keep posting, it helps to share and realise others really do understand

 

[AJ1978]

A toddler is a precious joy and nothing must spoil his young life. I am a firm believer that dementia and children do not mix unlike the lovely relationship which can exist between children and elderly relatives who are well.

Do what is necessary to see that your mother is safe and looked after but your child must come first.

Good wishes

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply.

 

[AJ1978]

hello @AJ1978
a warm welcome from me too
what shouts out from your post is what a caring and supportive daughter and mother you are, faced with a terribly difficult situation which has no simple solution
as you say, your mother and you now have a team of folk around you to take xome of the stress and strain from you both
you will be looking out for your mother but right now make the most of your time with your own child, he and you deserve some joy and your mother would not want to deny that to either of you
keep posting, it helps to share and realise others really do understand

Thank you Shedrech! I love my mum so much and she’s dominated all my thoughts for a long time. I hope to god she finds some peace

 

[Sarasa]

Hi @AJ1978 , your mother's behaviour sounds very similar to that displayed by my mother, and like yours a brain scan came back as just showing 'normal' signs of aging rather than anything that might suggest dementia. I hope that now your mother is in an assessment centre things can be sorted for her.
My mother in law always says 'look after you' and that is the most important thing right now, specially as you have such a young child.

 

[Grannie G]

Hello @AJ1978

It`s soul destroying when dearly loved family members become so poorly they need more than we can provide. Please try not to feel guilty because you have no other option than to allow the professionals to try to meet her needs.

Of course you feel relief. Your mother is being cared for and your very young child has his own mother back.

 

[Martarita]

Hi AJ 1978,
Reading your post you must be feeling awful,but believe me guilt is a wasted emotion,I myself looked after my mother for a lot of years through illness ,I had 2small boys I tried my best to be a good daughter and mother,I managed but it was very hard ,I have now 2 lovely grown up boys ,well men with family's of their own . Now when life should be good I have a husband with dementia,What I'm trying to say after a long story , it sounds as though you're doing the best you can for your mother and you've always been there for her ,but you must treasure and enjoy what you have with your little boy as they grow up far too fast ,
Take Care .xx